[oom] I'm right here beside you

[from_the_outside]

 Sleep is a joke.

It's not just the intel that she stays up sifting through, blue light straining her eyes; it's not just the coffee she drinks, trying to keep her brain sharp and her thoughts on track. 

It's time.

Minutes that slip away, that she can't get back. Hours that tick ponderously past. She lies alone in her bed and can't close her eyes because if she does, if she sleeps, it's another night gone, another night closer to the day Bucky goes back under and –

So she stays up and works. 

It means that when she waits for him in the morning to come find her before they meet with T'Challa and the others, her skin is pale and translucent and she has that sick feeling of an all-nighter, fatigue poisons running rampant through her bloodstream – but she has a list of observations from her analysis, and two mugs of coffee kept warm on the credenza: one pale with milk and sugar, the other black and as strong as her little coffee maker could handle.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

Okoye nods. "That we can do. We can also send people to examine previous sites for anything that might have been left behind."

Bucky nods. "Anything we can learn about what they're trying to do... or make... will help. I found discrepancies between ammunition stock and weapons stock that might indicate they're trying to manufacture ammo as well as weapons."

T'Challa and Okoye trade a look at that, one that's less dismayed than might be expected.

"They are likely to be disappointed there," T'Challa says, "but we will get Shuri to test and be sure. I will ask her to join us with a report next time."

[from_the_outside]

"I'll feel a lot better about it if Shuri tells us it won't work."

Still, if they're wasting their time trying to find a way to make it happen? That's no bad thing.

She turns to T'Challa. "You mentioned my taking a tour of the mines, earlier. If Fury's right and we attempt to access the auction, we can establish my cover right here by having me tour as an outsider with an interest in vibranium. That would piss off the traditionalists like the Jackal and it would give me an opportunity to connect with some of the undercover mine workers, let them know that I have an interest in playing both ends against the middle. If I can get an introduction to their people through them, I'm sure we can get an invite to the auction."

[nerves_of_ice]

"We would have to be careful about taking them into custody after," Nakia warns. "So that it is not connected to you in any way. But yes, that could work well."

"It seems that we have much to do to prepare for tomorrow," T'Challa says. "Is there anything else that we need to speak of now?" He gives Bucky a long look, then turns to Sharon and gives her the same.

[from_the_outside]

"That's all I've got until we know more," she admits. "And until we know what we're dealing with from Fury."

Damn, he just can't keep his fingers out of pies, can he?

[nerves_of_ice]

"Tomorrow," is all he says, and after another long look, T'Challa nods at them both. "Very well."

Nakia moves to Sharon's laptop and does something with her Kimoyo beads, then smiles at Sharon. "I have the copy."

[from_the_outside]

She smiles despite herself, and nods.

"Then we will all see each other again tomorrow," T'Challa says. "We will meet here again at the same time. In the meantime, I must think on what we might be willing to give...and what we are not."

He clasps his hands behind his back and nods to Sharon and Bucky, then gestures to Nakia and walks with her through the door, followed by Okoye.

Sharon waits until the door closes behind them before she grabs the chair she'd used before and sits down like someone cut her strings. "Fury," she says, half to herself. "What the hell are you playing at?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Want to know what I think?" He doesn't wait for an answer before crouching down on his heels beside her chair. "Remember when you were wondering why he hadn't contacted you, after D.C.?"

[from_the_outside]

She half turns to look at him, resting her arm on the back of the chair.

"Sure."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I think he didn't want to ask you to choose between working with him or working for Ross," he says, simply. "He didn't want to ask you to compromise your ethics. But now...."

Some of the icy blankness to his manner has faded as he says this, replaced by cool assessment.

"You're a hell of a good operative, Agent 13. Fury's not stupid. He's a lot of things, but never that."

[from_the_outside]

"Now? Now I'm compromised. And he can use that."

Maybe not her ethics. There are still some lines she won't cross.

(She thinks.)

She rests her head on her palm, looking at him with solemn eyes. "So much for bringing him up to T'Challa as an option, huh?"

As usual, Fury's two steps ahead. At least.

[nerves_of_ice]

"He can try. But you know what he's doing. In a weird way I guess that makes it a level playing field. As much of one as you get with him."

Bucky shakes his head. "He didn't have to show his hand by calling you directly. He could have strung it along, fed intel back, that kind of thing. He wanted you to know he's out there, and that he wants to work with you."

[from_the_outside]

"That's what worries me. He's not going to call me for help moving furniture."

She reaches across to shut her laptop, her hand lingering on the cover.

There's no such thing as a level playing field with Nick Fury. She's worked with him too long not to know it.

She huffs a wry breath of a laugh. "And this is him trying to be helpful."

[nerves_of_ice]

That momentary softening is gone as though it never existed.

"That worries me too." Bucky meets her eyes. "You're not trading yourself to him, Sharon. It's not worth that. We'll find another way."

[from_the_outside]

"You're right. I know you're right. I just..."

Belatedly, she realizes she's trembling, just slightly, from the force of this – this –

What is this, anger? Fear? It's been prickling under her skin since Bucky said if he knows you're sheltering the Winter Soldier, since he said extradition and she knew she'd do anything, anything at all to stop that from happening. She flexes her hand into and out of a fist, takes a deep breath. "Yes. We will."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Hey."

She's shivering, he realizes. He brushes his hand over her hair, then covers her hand with his own and squeezes, gently.

"Sharon. It's okay. It'll be okay."

[from_the_outside]

Damn, she really could have used some sleep last night. She gives him a slightly tight smile and turns her hand to squeeze his back. "Yeah."

Their notes are still on the table; she starts collecting them back into a pile. "Want another cup of coffee?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sure," he says. He rises to his feet and waits for her.

[from_the_outside]

She gives him another half-curve of a smile and stands to pick up the laptop and notes, then heads for the door and back in the direction of her room.

"At least we got somewhere," she says, after a moment. "Hopefully Okoye's operatives will find some evidence at the previous sites."

[nerves_of_ice]

He follows her down the hallway, staying to her left as they walk. "It's progress," he agrees.

"We'll have more tomorrow, then again in a few days."

And then a couple of days after that he'll go back on ice, unless something changes. No need to worry about that now, though.

[from_the_outside]

"Right."

Tomorrow. Five days. Two weeks.

And in the middle of all that, he goes under. By the time he wakes back up, with any luck, it'll be over. Best case scenario.

(She tries not to think of how often the best case actually comes to pass.)

Back at her door, she lets them both in and puts the laptop and notes down before heading back to the little coffee maker. "We should let Steve know if Fury's getting involved," she says, watching her hands measure out the coffee. "Especially if he's going to wind out finding out about you."

Or confirming his intel. Either way.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Let Natasha manage that," he says, quietly, watching her. "Since she's the one who gave him your details to begin with."

[from_the_outside]

Who he is. To us. To me.

She grabs the pitcher and heads to the bathroom to fill it with water, glancing at him over her shoulder as she goes. "Did you tell him you're going back under?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He goes very still, all the way down to the bone.

"No." Silence hangs in the air between them for a moment. "We were talking about other things."

[from_the_outside]

She disappears into the bathroom without comment and runs the tap into the pitcher, steadfastly not looking at herself in the mirror as she does. That prickly feeling hasn't gone away; if anything, it's getting worse.

But he's not the one to take it out on. She glances at him as she comes back into the main room, before she pours the water into the coffee maker, sets the mug he'd used earlier underneath the percolator, and hits the button. "Next time you talk to him, then?" she asks.

It'll be soon. Steve will want to check in with them on this operation regardless.

[nerves_of_ice]

"We'll see," he says, a little cautiously. He's watching her more warily than before. "He knows what Shuri was planning. We talked about it before I went under the first time."

A beat of silence.

"Why?"