[oom] I'm right here beside you

[from_the_outside]

 Sleep is a joke.

It's not just the intel that she stays up sifting through, blue light straining her eyes; it's not just the coffee she drinks, trying to keep her brain sharp and her thoughts on track. 

It's time.

Minutes that slip away, that she can't get back. Hours that tick ponderously past. She lies alone in her bed and can't close her eyes because if she does, if she sleeps, it's another night gone, another night closer to the day Bucky goes back under and –

So she stays up and works. 

It means that when she waits for him in the morning to come find her before they meet with T'Challa and the others, her skin is pale and translucent and she has that sick feeling of an all-nighter, fatigue poisons running rampant through her bloodstream – but she has a list of observations from her analysis, and two mugs of coffee kept warm on the credenza: one pale with milk and sugar, the other black and as strong as her little coffee maker could handle.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

"You bet," Steve tells them. "If nothing else, it might give Fury second thoughts about trying to do anything with the new information he's about to learn."

"I already promised Sharon I'd try not to shoot him again," Bucky says, dryly. "Think that'll help?"

"Let's just make sure you don't have a reason."

[from_the_outside]

"It might help more if you made that promise to Fury," Sharon says, dry, and reaches for her cup of wine for the first time since she'd sat back down.

Also, he had almost immediately offered to take that promise back if Fury tried to manipulate her using him, so.

"That's true," Steve agrees. "On the other hand, he might deserve it."

She shakes her head, laughing silently. "Careful, there."

"Oh-eight hundred," Steve says, sounding not at all repentant. "And I'll see you both soon."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Fury wouldn't believe me anyway," he says, with a slight wry twist to the corner of his mouth. "See you soon. Tell Natasha I said hey."

"What about Sam?" Steve asks, and Bucky lets out a dry sound. "Ask me again once he gets over me breaking his wing."

[from_the_outside]

"Tell Sam I say hi," she says, grinning at Bucky. "And that he still owes me."

"Oh, he knows," Steve says, and she can hear the laugh in his voice. "Copy that. Talk tomorrow."

When he hangs up, all she can do for a moment is look at the phone in her palm before shaking her head and looking back at Bucky.

"Well," she says, and can't think of anything else.

[nerves_of_ice]

He buries his face in his hand for a long moment, trying to keep his breathing from turning ragged with the sheer force of his relief.

It takes several seconds before he's able to look up at her again.

"Trust Steve to always know when he's needed," he says, quietly.

[from_the_outside]

She has no idea if it's the right move, but she can't hear that struggle he has with himself and do nothing, so she sets the phone and her cup aside and shifts forward on her knees to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him close.

"Yeah," she says, quietly, into his hair.

"You okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He puts his arm around her and lowers his head to her shoulder, just for a moment, before he pulls back and looks her in the eyes.

"Promise me you'll let him help," he says. "Unless it's clear there's no way he can manage the cover, promise me, Sharon."

[from_the_outside]

"I promise."

Her voice is a whisper as her hands go to his head. "I promise."

[nerves_of_ice]

A shudder runs through him, and he pulls her close again.

[from_the_outside]

She shifts as close as she can that isn't right into his lap and holds him tight, pressing her cheek and face against his hair, spreading her fingers wide and protective over the back of his head, feeling as though she might drown in this relief.

[nerves_of_ice]

Shivers pass through his body intermittently. He waits them out before he speaks again.

"Well. This changes a few things."

[from_the_outside]

She huffs a breath.

"Is it changing that 'I'm supposed to go under' to 'I will go under'?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Caught that, did you?" He doesn't sound surprised.

"Maybe. Probably. If it works out."

[from_the_outside]

"You should know by now," she says, lightly, pulling back enough to look at him, "I pay pretty close attention to you."

Her mouth quirks a little ruefully. "I know. And we'll do everything we can to make sure it works out."

Dry: "And not only because T'Challa will be all over me if you decide to wait."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I mean, I do, but you still manage to surprise me."

Bucky shakes his head. "I'll explain to T'Challa if it comes to it. Don't worry."

[from_the_outside]

"That is very sweetly optimistic of you," she says, still dry, though her mouth is beginning to twitch.

"But hopefully nobody will have to explain because it will all go according to plan, you'll go under and get better, the op will go smoothly, and I won't have to spend the next month getting T'Challa to like me again."

[nerves_of_ice]

"He'll understand, if it comes to it," he says, and leaves it at that.

"But we'll see. The call with Fury tomorrow should be interesting."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon's expression says what she thinks of Bucky's statement, but she doesn't argue it.

"Yeah," she says. "About that. What alternatives were you and T'Challa discussing, exactly?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He shifts his arm, coaxing her to settle beside him - or trying - and sighs. "I'm not one of them, in case that's what you were thinking," he says.

[from_the_outside]

"I hope not," she says, but she allows him to direct her down next to him, and shifts her weight to sit on her hip. "Pretty sure you would recognize the argument that would lead to and try to avoid it. But if T'Challa's going to try to offer up something to keep me off the hook, I'd like to know about it."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Well, in my current state, he might not see me as high-value enough for anything but turning me over to the authorities," he says, dryly. "No point in that."

Bucky continues, quickly, "T'Challa's thinking to offer some intel from the War Dogs' network, or if Fury's looking for more physical assistance, some of the Dora to help out with a situation or two."

[from_the_outside]

She looks a little skeptical, but nods. "Intel might work," she says. "Make it a direct trade: intel for intel. He's not sending us any personnel. He might settle for something else he can use."

The Dora...she shakes her head. The Dora aren't spies, they're not operatives; they're warriors. Fury wouldn't be able to use them for anything but a straight fight, and that's not Fury's style.

But she keeps her thoughts to herself and only says again, after a moment: "It might work."

[nerves_of_ice]

One corner of his mouth quirks up, a little wryly.

"The intel might, anyway," is all he says.

[from_the_outside]

"Not that I wouldn't pay good money to see Nick Fury faced with a couple Dora," she says, dry, "but that's gonna be a hard sell."

[nerves_of_ice]

His smile flashes. "I would too, honestly."

Bucky shakes his head. "But no. It's a different method from how he operates, I think. You'd know better than I would."