[oom] I'm right here beside you

[from_the_outside]

 Sleep is a joke.

It's not just the intel that she stays up sifting through, blue light straining her eyes; it's not just the coffee she drinks, trying to keep her brain sharp and her thoughts on track. 

It's time.

Minutes that slip away, that she can't get back. Hours that tick ponderously past. She lies alone in her bed and can't close her eyes because if she does, if she sleeps, it's another night gone, another night closer to the day Bucky goes back under and –

So she stays up and works. 

It means that when she waits for him in the morning to come find her before they meet with T'Challa and the others, her skin is pale and translucent and she has that sick feeling of an all-nighter, fatigue poisons running rampant through her bloodstream – but she has a list of observations from her analysis, and two mugs of coffee kept warm on the credenza: one pale with milk and sugar, the other black and as strong as her little coffee maker could handle.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"Bucky," she says, gently, cupping her mug in her hands and meeting that flicked glance with her own steady gaze, "it's only been a week. You wouldn't need to explain yourself even if you didn't want me here. And I'd rather know."

I think of you as a partner, he'd said. Partners back each other up, no matter what. "I don't want you to be alone in the middle of the night with those dreams."

[nerves_of_ice]

She's right, he knows. It hasn't been very long at all, for what's growing between them. It just feels longer, and he can't explain why. But that's not what matters to him right now.

He shakes his head. "Don't thank me," he says again.

[from_the_outside]

She watches him for a moment longer, considering her options.

"If it helps," she says, finally, "I slept better last night than I did the night before without you."

Interruptions notwithstanding.

[nerves_of_ice]

His smile is small and wry.

"That's probably because you didn't spend the entire night poring over intel."

[from_the_outside]

"I spent the night poring over intel because I couldn't sleep, not the other way around."

The op doesn't worry her. Not really; she's done a million just like it, and last night she had no idea Fury would be involved. She trusts her own abilities to analyze the intel and she trusts his, too.

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes his head again, just a little, but doesn't argue with her. Bucky sets his coffee aside and puts his arm around her, a steady, warm support.

[from_the_outside]

She grins a little and takes his hand to put his arm around her neck instead, then hands him his coffee mug.

"You shouldn't have to choose," she points out. He'll just wind up pulling her closer when he goes to take a sip; oh well.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Clever," he approves. "As long as I don't spill it on you."

Carefully, he takes a sip, and looks satisfied with the result. More than one result.

[from_the_outside]

She laughs as he moves his arm and tugs her closer so he can get to his mug, and mirrors his satisfied expression before leaning up to press a kiss to his neck.

"There you go," she says, pleased with herself.

[nerves_of_ice]

He draws her a little closer and turns to kiss her hair.

"It's going to be a long day, I know. But this is nice."

[from_the_outside]

She sighs in a way that means Fury is exhausting. "Yeah. But I feel better now that Steve's involved. We should be able to make a real plan with what we get today."

She tips her head to peer up at him, without moving away. "Are you planning on being part of the stake-out?"

She's not even sure she should yet, but she doesn't have a good read on how much of this he plans to take part in before he goes under.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Depends," he says, laconically.

[from_the_outside]

Her eyes narrow.

"Depends on what?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"On if Shuri's going to knock me out first, or if I'm able to win the fight to be in play."

He shrugs, very slightly. "I'll talk to Ayo about it."

[from_the_outside]

"Ayo?"

One of the Dora, the one who'd escorted them to the Queen Mother's chambers. "How's she involved?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"She's the second in command of the Dora Milaje," Bucky tells her. "Okoye's right hand. She operates more out in the world, from what I've gathered - she was in Vienna, then in Berlin. So she's... seen what I can do."

He's a little tense, talking about it, but only a little.

"I'd be surprised if she didn't end up being the one to lead the surveillance mission."

[from_the_outside]

"Hm."

It's thoughtful as she sips again at her coffee. "If I go undercover, they probably won't let me go on the surveillance op," she says. "Too high a risk someone will see me and blow my cover later."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'd agree," he says. "Not you, and not Steve. And definitely not T'Challa."

The expression that flickers across his face isn't a smile. It's too sharp-edged to be that, and it fades into cool consideration too quickly.

"But I've got a lot of experience at being a ghost."

[from_the_outside]

"None better," she agrees, and it's wry but not argumentative. "I don't know how to Dora are with surveillance. I'd suggest taking Nakia, if possible – "

By which she means if T'Challa won't murder us for the suggestion. "She knows the lay of the land and she's used to covert ops."

Her mouth presses, annoyed, but she says it anyway: "If you go and I can't be at your back, she's a good second choice."

[nerves_of_ice]

He pulls her a little closer and kisses her temple.

"I'll remember," is all he says.

[from_the_outside]

She huffs like an annoyed cat, but tucks herself to his side without debate.

It's not him she's annoyed at, anyhow.

[nerves_of_ice]

He doesn't laugh at that sound, not even a little, although a flicker of amusement passes through him.

"Feeling stubborn?" he murmurs.

[from_the_outside]

"I trust Ayo and Nakia," she says, which isn't exactly an answer, but the tone she uses is, no matter how neutral she tries to make it.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Got it," he says, quietly. "And I know."

He leans his head against hers.

"We'll figure it out."

[from_the_outside]

"Yes," she agrees, her voice soft in the morning air, "we will."

But for now she just leans against him, the taste of coffee on her lips, and watches the sun slowly climb into the clear Wakandan sky.