[oom] I'm right here beside you

[from_the_outside]

 Sleep is a joke.

It's not just the intel that she stays up sifting through, blue light straining her eyes; it's not just the coffee she drinks, trying to keep her brain sharp and her thoughts on track. 

It's time.

Minutes that slip away, that she can't get back. Hours that tick ponderously past. She lies alone in her bed and can't close her eyes because if she does, if she sleeps, it's another night gone, another night closer to the day Bucky goes back under and –

So she stays up and works. 

It means that when she waits for him in the morning to come find her before they meet with T'Challa and the others, her skin is pale and translucent and she has that sick feeling of an all-nighter, fatigue poisons running rampant through her bloodstream – but she has a list of observations from her analysis, and two mugs of coffee kept warm on the credenza: one pale with milk and sugar, the other black and as strong as her little coffee maker could handle.

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[from_the_outside]

She smiles at him, and smiles at him, and smiles at him until she's nearly forgotten her worries over Fury, over the procedure, over the op, and as he tucks the blanket around her, she scans the night sky, making up increasingly ridiculous constellations until he laughs.

It's not like any date she's ever been on, but maybe that's what makes it so perfect.

[nerves_of_ice]

He tugs a lock of her hair as she teases him, then leans in to kiss her. "Creative," he tells her, when the kiss breaks. "Very funny."

[from_the_outside]

"What?" she grins, and kisses him again. "You've never heard of the 'Southern Salamander'? I thought you were supposed to be worldly."

But he's right there to kiss, so she leans in and does it again, tugging the blanket around both their shoulders as she wraps her arms around his neck.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Worldly's one thing. Gullible's another."

He slips his arm around her waist as she holds on to him there under the stars, and kisses her back.

[from_the_outside]

She can't even blame it on the wine when she winds up in his lap, pressing herself as close as possible, her hands in his hair and his smile against her mouth.

Not that she won't try, if he points it out.

[nerves_of_ice]

He doesn't seem inclined to point out anything of the kind, as he lets out a low groan and draws her closer when she settles against him. He draws a quick, deep breath, then kisses her again, otherwise letting her set the pace.

[from_the_outside]

The pace she picks is slow and deliberate: deep, sweet kisses that linger on his mouth and against his cheek and along the line of his throat, stubble biting at her lips.

There's nobody around them for miles and the night is dark and quiet, the only sounds those of small nighttime insects and the gentle lap of lake water against the shore and the little noises she makes when his arm tightens around her.

[nerves_of_ice]

She's more intoxicating than any alcohol could ever be.

He tips his head back as she kisses along his neck, giving her easier access. He'd give her anything she wants, he thinks, as his arm settles around her waist, his hand curving over her hip.

[from_the_outside]

It's not quite a redo of Leipzig. Then, she'd only entertained a few idle fantasies and possibilities, certain there was a spark and unsure what to do about it until he told her to think of Steve instead.

It had all slipped through her fingers then. She'll be damned if she lets it happen again.

So she sets her mouth over the pulse flickering in his throat and pulls lightly at the skin there; slides one hand down to his chest and lets the other stay where it is, fingers sinking into his hair. Nobody, nobody is taking this from her. Not Fury. Not anyone.

[nerves_of_ice]

His breath catches in a sharp gasp as sensation sizzles and sparks along his nerves, a wildfire set by the way her lips move against his throat. His back arches without his conscious direction, pressing his chest into the touch of her hand.

[from_the_outside]

That gasp makes her grin, and she slides her hand further down, slips it up under his shirt to press her palm to his warm skin.

The throw's sliding off their shoulders now, but she's not feeling the chill at all anymore.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sharon," he breathes, barely audible, as her fingers move over his body. "Baby."

[from_the_outside]

She hums against his throat and paints kisses up the line of his neck to his ear, smiling against it.

"Bucky," she whispers, feeling like there's a torrent of words she can't quite find that crystallize into this one name.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yes."

It's all he says, all he can say, confirmation and affirmation and permission for anything she wants, all in one.

[from_the_outside]

It's enough, and more than, for her; she shifts and meets his mouth with her own, kisses him long and deep as her fingers track over his ribs.

"God," she says, finally, when she can, pressing her forehead against his and breathing hard, "you absolutely wreck me, you know that?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Look who's talking," he murmurs, holding himself still under her touch.

[from_the_outside]

This is dangerous, not just for the usual reasons, but because she's absolutely certain in this moment that there isn't a damn thing in the world she wouldn't do for him.

With someone like Fury breathing down their necks, that's a bad position to be in, but she can't find the desire to care about what might happen, not now when he's so close and his heart is racing against her hand. "Sweetheart," she murmurs, instead of anything else she might say, and kisses him again, softly.

[nerves_of_ice]

The endearment rings in his ears like a bell as he returns the kiss and kisses her again, and again, like there's no tomorrow, no next week, only now, here, together.

[from_the_outside]

If she was worried at all about him not wanting her to stay the night, it's burned away beneath his kisses and the feeling of his body against hers and his arm around her waist. She shifts in his lap and shivers hard, fingers tightening in his hair as she laughs, breathless, and kisses him again.

[nerves_of_ice]

He's lost in her, drowning under the warm weight of her body, the feeling of her hands in his hair, her mouth on his. His hand tightens on her hip as he pulls her closer, rocking up against her as he murmurs her name over and over between kisses.

[from_the_outside]

"Baby," she says, utterly captivated, entirely carried away. "Bucky."

She kisses him again and again until she's shaking, both hands buried in his hair, pressing herself against him as close as she can, soft noises stuck deep in her throat every time he rolls his hips up against her, and she pushes closer a little too enthusiastically, has a moment of vertigo as they unbalance, and then laughs into his shoulder when they land in a tangle of blankets and each other.

[nerves_of_ice]

He starts laughing as well, and twists onto his back, pulling her over to rest on top of him.

"Okay, so maybe not one of our best ideas," he manages. "Still."

[from_the_outside]

"Could be worse," she agrees, stretching out on top of him and framing his head with her forearms. She's still grinning as she leans down to kiss him again, the curls he'd twisted into her hair falling over her shoulder to brush her cheek and his.

[nerves_of_ice]

"True." He kisses her back, then reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

[from_the_outside]

"Have we had good ideas?" she asks, smiling as she tips her head into his touch.

Arguably no. But there must have been one or two.