[oom] I'm right here beside you

[from_the_outside]

 Sleep is a joke.

It's not just the intel that she stays up sifting through, blue light straining her eyes; it's not just the coffee she drinks, trying to keep her brain sharp and her thoughts on track. 

It's time.

Minutes that slip away, that she can't get back. Hours that tick ponderously past. She lies alone in her bed and can't close her eyes because if she does, if she sleeps, it's another night gone, another night closer to the day Bucky goes back under and –

So she stays up and works. 

It means that when she waits for him in the morning to come find her before they meet with T'Challa and the others, her skin is pale and translucent and she has that sick feeling of an all-nighter, fatigue poisons running rampant through her bloodstream – but she has a list of observations from her analysis, and two mugs of coffee kept warm on the credenza: one pale with milk and sugar, the other black and as strong as her little coffee maker could handle.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes his head, sets the coffee tin aside, and picks up the now-boiling kettle to fill the press with water. Once it's brewing, he comes to sit beside her on the bed, and reaches for her hand, but doesn't say anything. Not yet.

[from_the_outside]

She threads their fingers loosely together and watches him.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

It's quiet, and somehow clear that no will be a perfectly acceptable answer.

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes his head, without hesitation.

"Not this one."

Sharon's already worried enough about the procedure, about him going under again. Hearing about this nightmare will not help at all. He's sure of that, all the way down to the bone.

[from_the_outside]

"Okay."

He's certain, so she doesn't push, just settles her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes as she runs the pad of her thumb over the back of his hand.

[nerves_of_ice]

She doesn't press him, and he is bitterly, painfully glad about that. He stays quiet while the coffee brews, while she rests her head on his shoulder.

It's so early, still. Dawn hasn't fully arrived. But there's no way he could have tried to sleep again, not after that.

[from_the_outside]

She dozes a little against his shoulder – it's early, and as he noted back in Polygyros, she's no a morning person – but blinks her eyes open after a few minutes, when she thinks the coffee's about ready.

"Want to sit outside?" she asks. "Watch the sun rise?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"It's what I usually do," he says, keeping his voice low. "I can promise the view's worth it. Come on."

He coaxes her to sit up, then goes to pour the first mug of coffee for her.

[from_the_outside]

She gets up at his nudge and pads, barefoot, over to the little fridge to pull out the milk so she can stir some in when he hands her the mug, then adds a heaping spoonful of sugar before sipping at it with a satisfied sigh.

It's bound to be a little cool outside still; she grabs the throws and waits for him by the hut door.

[nerves_of_ice]

He pours his own mug full and meets her by the door. Once they're outside, he nods to a spot by the hut's wall that faces east.

"I usually set up here," he says. "It holds a little more warmth than elsewhere." Looking at her, he adds, "Wrap one of those around yourself, okay?"

[from_the_outside]

"Yes, dear," she says, teasing lightly through her tiredness, and wraps the purple-and-smoke throw around her bare shoulders, leaving her right hand free so she can sip at her coffee.

That done, she takes a seat by the spot indicated, looking up at him before turning her gaze out toward the horizon.

[nerves_of_ice]

He sits down beside her, apparently unbothered by the morning chill, and sips his coffee.

"Get enough sleep?"

It sounds light. It's anything but.

[from_the_outside]

"Yes," she says, without any hesitation or hint of untruth.

Maybe not as much as usual, but she's reasonably sure she got a solid six hours in there somewhere. Perhaps more. She's not actually sure what time she fell asleep.

She shifts close to his side and leans her head back against the hut's wall, watching as the morning stars begin to dim.

[nerves_of_ice]

He drinks some more of his coffee, then sets the cup aside in favor of putting his arm around Sharon.

[from_the_outside]

She settles easily against his side, her head nudging against his, and cups her mug in both hands, enjoying the warmth of it in her palms.

"Aren't you cold?" she asks, after a second. "I brought both blankets."

[nerves_of_ice]

"... right," he says, as if realizing for the first time that he should be. "Thanks. Toss the other around me?"

[from_the_outside]

She rolls her eyes at him and sits up, blanket falling briefly from her shoulders as she reaches for the green throw and wraps it securely around him. She tugs the purple throw back up and leans back against his side, idly sipping her coffee as the horizon begins, slowly, slowly, to lighten.

[nerves_of_ice]

"The birds'll start singing soon," he murmurs, softly. "Keep an eye out over to the south. The light goes through the trees there."

[from_the_outside]

"Okay."

She obediently turns her eyes southwards as around them the air lightens and mist begins to rise, swirling, from the surface of the lake.

It's not long before he's right: one bird calls and another answers, and after a few moments the air is full of birdsong.

[nerves_of_ice]

It's peaceful here, like this, and as he listens to the birds and watches the light shift, he can feel the last vestiges of the dream loosen and fall away.

Bucky takes a deep breath, then another, the tension draining out of his body.

[from_the_outside]

She can count the number of sunrises she's seen on one hand, and she probably would have willingly missed this one, too, but now that she's here she can appreciate the slow rosy fade in the horizon, the sound of the birds, the peaceful lightening of the sky.

And, best of all, Bucky slowly relaxing next to her. She slips her left hand out from underneath the throw to loosely take his as the false dawn grows and the sun finally begins the edge its way above the horizon.

[nerves_of_ice]

He threads his fingers through hers without moving his arm from around her, and squeezes gently.

"Pretty, isn't it?"

[from_the_outside]

"Very," she agrees, settling her head against his shoulder. The sky is all blush and palest blue now and she's beginning to feel the day's warmth seep through the air.

It's lovely.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Although you can go back to sleep if you want to," he murmurs, and oh, but his tone is fond. "I won't mind."

[from_the_outside]

She smiles and runs her thumb over the back of his.

"I like sitting here with you," she tells him, even as the warmth in his voice cracks something in her chest wide open.

Besides, she can always nap later.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm glad," he murmurs. "Because I like it, too."