[oom] I'm right here beside you

[from_the_outside]

 Sleep is a joke.

It's not just the intel that she stays up sifting through, blue light straining her eyes; it's not just the coffee she drinks, trying to keep her brain sharp and her thoughts on track. 

It's time.

Minutes that slip away, that she can't get back. Hours that tick ponderously past. She lies alone in her bed and can't close her eyes because if she does, if she sleeps, it's another night gone, another night closer to the day Bucky goes back under and –

So she stays up and works. 

It means that when she waits for him in the morning to come find her before they meet with T'Challa and the others, her skin is pale and translucent and she has that sick feeling of an all-nighter, fatigue poisons running rampant through her bloodstream – but she has a list of observations from her analysis, and two mugs of coffee kept warm on the credenza: one pale with milk and sugar, the other black and as strong as her little coffee maker could handle.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

Sharon's expression says what she thinks of Bucky's statement, but she doesn't argue it.

"Yeah," she says. "About that. What alternatives were you and T'Challa discussing, exactly?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He shifts his arm, coaxing her to settle beside him - or trying - and sighs. "I'm not one of them, in case that's what you were thinking," he says.

[from_the_outside]

"I hope not," she says, but she allows him to direct her down next to him, and shifts her weight to sit on her hip. "Pretty sure you would recognize the argument that would lead to and try to avoid it. But if T'Challa's going to try to offer up something to keep me off the hook, I'd like to know about it."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Well, in my current state, he might not see me as high-value enough for anything but turning me over to the authorities," he says, dryly. "No point in that."

Bucky continues, quickly, "T'Challa's thinking to offer some intel from the War Dogs' network, or if Fury's looking for more physical assistance, some of the Dora to help out with a situation or two."

[from_the_outside]

She looks a little skeptical, but nods. "Intel might work," she says. "Make it a direct trade: intel for intel. He's not sending us any personnel. He might settle for something else he can use."

The Dora...she shakes her head. The Dora aren't spies, they're not operatives; they're warriors. Fury wouldn't be able to use them for anything but a straight fight, and that's not Fury's style.

But she keeps her thoughts to herself and only says again, after a moment: "It might work."

[nerves_of_ice]

One corner of his mouth quirks up, a little wryly.

"The intel might, anyway," is all he says.

[from_the_outside]

"Not that I wouldn't pay good money to see Nick Fury faced with a couple Dora," she says, dry, "but that's gonna be a hard sell."

[nerves_of_ice]

His smile flashes. "I would too, honestly."

Bucky shakes his head. "But no. It's a different method from how he operates, I think. You'd know better than I would."

[from_the_outside]

"Fury works from the shadows," she says. "The only soldier he ever worked with directly was Steve, and Steve was a special case, but Fury used him for special forces missions, precision strikes. The Dora use spears, they fight with honor, they aren't spies."

She leans forward to find her cup of wine, but finds she's not interested in sipping at it; just turns it around and around on the blanket. "Whatever he needs Agent 13 for, it's not something you can throw a couple Dora at."

[nerves_of_ice]

He sets his hand gently on her arm. "It still doesn't mean he gets you."

[from_the_outside]

She gives him a flicker of a smile and nods, then lifts her cup to take a deep swallow of the wine. It's full night now, and when the cup is empty she puts it down and tips her head back to look up at the stars as the battery-powered candles glow around them on the blanket.

[nerves_of_ice]

She doesn't believe him. She thinks it's inevitable, he realizes; that there's no way around it, and she's preparing herself to deal with it. With Fury.

He doesn't argue with her. She's done so much to try to make this a nice night. He's not going to let Fury's ghost spoil it.

(Nor is he going to stand by and just let it happen if it comes down to it, but they'll see how tomorrow goes.)

Instead, he stays quiet for a bit, watching her watch the sky above them. Eventually, he murmurs, "Are you warm enough?"

[from_the_outside]

"Mm."

She rolls her head to look over at him. "It's a little cool."

Not bad. But enough that she might get the other throw, eventually. "We could go inside, but it's a beautiful night."

Like almost every night has been, here. But she doesn't think she'll ever get used to it.

[nerves_of_ice]

"It is," he says, but he's looking at her, not the world around them. "Beautiful, I mean."

Bucky smiles, and starts to get to his feet. "Let me go get the other blanket."

[from_the_outside]

She follows him up with her eyes, tipping her head back to smile at him. "Okay."

But she doesn't just sit there while he's up; she shifts and begins collecting and re-capping the containers of food, tucking them back away into the pack before refilling his cup and hers with the wine.

[nerves_of_ice]

It doesn't take him long to make his way to the hut and back, the purple-and-smoke throw neatly folded and thrown over his shoulder. "Here," he says, on seeing what she's doing. He leans down and shifts the pack to the side before pulling the throw free and starting to shake it out.

"Hold on to the wine so I don't knock it over," he advises, a little ruefully.

[from_the_outside]

She dutifully leans forward and steadies the bottle and two cups, then grins at him.

"Ready."

[nerves_of_ice]

He sends the throw billowing outward with a snap of his wrist, then quickly sits down beside her before it finishes settling back to the ground and pulls it over them.

"There. Better?"

[from_the_outside]

"Better," she agrees, shifting close to him and handing him his cup before tugging the throw a little more securely over her shoulder. He throws off body heat like a furnace – must have something to do with that super soldier metabolism – and within moments it's as cozy under the throw as it could be by a fireside in winter.

She shakes her head and leans up to press a kiss to his neck and another to his cheek before pulling back again, a mischievous light in her eyes. "Much better."

[nerves_of_ice]

He smiles and touches his cup to the one she's holding as he leans his shoulder against hers. "I'm glad."

[from_the_outside]

"I did bring a couple of games," she says, after a long period of comfortable silence, where she braces her free hand behind his back and shifts to sit on her hip so she can set her head on his shoulder.

"But they'd be better on the table."

And this, with the starlight and the candles and him steady and warm beside her, already feels just about perfect.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Eventually," he replies. Bucky turns his head to touch his lips to her hair. "There's no rush."

[from_the_outside]

"Okay," she says, peaceably.

There isn't a rush, because he's not going to send her back to the Citadel tonight. He's not going to make excuses and push her away. "You can have a little more time before I destroy you in Jenga."

[nerves_of_ice]

He slants a suspicious look at her.

"In what now?"

[from_the_outside]

She just laughs and sets her head back against his shoulder.