[oom] I'm right here beside you

[from_the_outside]

 Sleep is a joke.

It's not just the intel that she stays up sifting through, blue light straining her eyes; it's not just the coffee she drinks, trying to keep her brain sharp and her thoughts on track. 

It's time.

Minutes that slip away, that she can't get back. Hours that tick ponderously past. She lies alone in her bed and can't close her eyes because if she does, if she sleeps, it's another night gone, another night closer to the day Bucky goes back under and –

So she stays up and works. 

It means that when she waits for him in the morning to come find her before they meet with T'Challa and the others, her skin is pale and translucent and she has that sick feeling of an all-nighter, fatigue poisons running rampant through her bloodstream – but she has a list of observations from her analysis, and two mugs of coffee kept warm on the credenza: one pale with milk and sugar, the other black and as strong as her little coffee maker could handle.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

"It was hard work," he says, solemnly. "They're quick."

[from_the_outside]

"But you're smarter," she points out, and doesn't even add probably. She nods towards the branches.

"Want any help?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"No, that's okay. I'm just keeping busy with this." He levers the hand axe out of the log he'd been using as a brace and walks over to store it away.

"Did you have a good rest of your day?"

[from_the_outside]

"Not bad."

About as good as might be expected, and at least nothing else went obviously wrong. "You?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"The same," he agrees. "The kids asked about you."

Bucky looks amused. "I told them you were doing important work up at the Citadel and would come visit again when you could."

[from_the_outside]

She has to grin at that. It's a nice thought, the kids asking about her. She's never thought of herself as especially good with children, but these kids are just too damn cute to resist.

"I definitely will," she promises. "Fortunately that important work won't take up all my time, at least for a little while."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Glad to hear it," he murmurs.

"Oh. Before I forget. K'Senge will look after the goats starting next week. For a while."

[from_the_outside]

Her smile fades a little, but she keeps it gamely on, and nods. "Okay, good. I'll be sure to check in on them. The kids, too."

She consciously decides not to think about what else she'll do over those days and weeks, aims instead for a lightly self-deprecating smile. "I might not be as good at games as you are, but hopefully I can be a passable second choice."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm sure you'll come up with all kinds of new surprises."

He walks back over to stand with her, and reaches for her hand.

[from_the_outside]

"It'll be enough of a surprise if I can keep up with them for once."

She squeezes his hand and steps a little closer to his side.

(Five days.)

"Anything you need me to take care of while you're under?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He gives her a look that's only the slightest bit searching. "I don't think so," he says, after a moment's consideration. "I figured I'd just... sort things out, so you don't have to worry about it."

[from_the_outside]

Her eyebrows inch together and up towards her hairline in an expression that says, fondly, you're an idiot.

"I can help," she says, patiently. "If you want. I'm going to worry about it anyway, so I may as well worry productively."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Well, I didn't want to rush you into planning anything, given what you said before," he points out, squeezing her hand. "But okay. I have a list."

[from_the_outside]

"That was yesterday," she says, amused and a little touched, and leans over to press a kiss to his shoulder.

It's sweet. "I just didn't want to start planning ten minutes after getting the news. Put me in, coach, I can take the pressure."

[nerves_of_ice]

He smiles.

"Got it. Okay." His expression shades thoughtful as he considers her. "Do you actually like baseball?"

[from_the_outside]

She can't help it; she laughs at that question.

"Yes," she says, still amused. "I like baseball. It's America's favorite pastime, didn't you know?"

Has she, on more than one occasion, gotten too invested in a game and needed to put a moratorium on baseball talk during World Series time so as not to ruin friendships? Maybe. Has she been keeping an eye on the Nats' spring training line-up?

Definitely.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'd heard that," he says, dry as desert sand. "But for some reason, not everyone likes it."

He squeezes her fingers, then lets go so that he can brush her hair back over her shoulder.

"Someday, I'll take you to a game."

[from_the_outside]

The smile she gives him is more in her eyes than the curve of her mouth, but it shines there like sunlight on water. "It's a date."

After a second: "But you know the Dodgers are in L.A. now, right?"

[nerves_of_ice]

The expression on his face can only be described as sulky as he nods.

"Yeah. I heard. That's just wrong."

[from_the_outside]

She laughs and steps behind him to put her arms around his waist and press a kiss to his cheek, then settles her chin on his shoulder. "It's okay," she says, bracingly. "Nobody's going to make you root for the Yankees."

Cheerful: "You can be a Nationals fan, like me."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Nobody could."

He turns his head just enough to give her a suspicious look.

"A Nationals fan?"

[from_the_outside]

"That's the D.C. team."

The look she gives him back is deeply amused. "Or I guess you could go for the Mets."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Better than the Yankees." He still sounds skeptical, which is explained almost immediately when he adds, "But they're not the Dodgers."

[from_the_outside]

"The Giants?" she suggests, more amused by this than anything else has managed in the last thirty-six hours. Her eyes are sparkling.

"...Or I guess you could just suck it up and be an L.A. boy."

[nerves_of_ice]

He twists around in the circle of her arms to give her a betrayed stare.

"The Giants? Those Manhattan elitists? -- yes I know they're in San Francisco now, I don't care, how could you think I'd ever be a Giants supporter? I thought you said you were a baseball fan! Don't tell me the rivalry between the Dodgers and that team's been forgotten," he demands.