[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

"Whoever that is," he murmurs. "Whoever I am now."

Bucky shakes his head. "I'm sorry."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon lets go of the mug with one hand, reaching out to curl her fingers around his. "We'll find out," she promises. "Together."

[nerves_of_ice]

He squeezes her fingers, very gently, and doesn't respond to that directly.

"When do you and Steve need to report in?"

[from_the_outside]

Sharon shakes her head at him. "With who, Fury? SHIELD doesn't exist anymore. There's no one for me to check in with."

Sometime soon, she'll need to think about what that means for her, where she'll go next. "Steve's got the Avengers, but I'm currently a free agent."

[nerves_of_ice]

He opens his mouth, trying to find the right words, then shakes his head as if to make his thoughts function.

"To anyone, I guess I meant. Personal or professional."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon huffs a wry breath, letting go of his hand and taking another sip of her coffee. "Bucky, the only time I've had a personal life in the last eight years are those months I spent with you and the Howling Commandos. Every friend I've got is someone I work with. You want to know what personal connections I've got?"

She waves a hand around the kitchen, empty except for the two of them. "You're looking at them."

[nerves_of_ice]

His eyes narrow, and he points in the direction of the stairs to the room where Steve's sleeping.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon chuckles and nods, acknowledging. "Yeah, Steve, too. Although he's been as much job as personal life this last year."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Your... assignment." He's pretty sure he remembers that.

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah. Only Fury and the Avengers knew we knew each other." She takes another swallow of coffee and gets up to top herself off.

"So it was perfect. Steve could have protection he knew and trusted, but I'd still fly under the radar."

[nerves_of_ice]

He leans over to the spice drawer and pulls out the cinnamon, setting it on the counter in easy reach of her without comment.

"Why did he need protection?"

[from_the_outside]

"He's Captain America." Which should mean he doesn't need protection at all, but that's not how national treasures work. "SHIELD wanted to make sure no one messed with him."

She sighs as she sits back down with her refreshed mug. "Honestly, probably a bunch of it was Pierce wanting to keep an eye on him. I reported to him when Fury was unavailable."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Probably." His jaw works for a moment. "Given STRIKE."

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah." She watches him a moment, then reaches again, this time curling her fingers over his forearm.

"I kept a good eye on him, Bucky. And I fudged the reports. Pierce never knew more than ten percent of what was going on with Steve."

[nerves_of_ice]

He looks up at her, meeting her eyes with a bleak but determined gaze.

"I don't doubt that. Or you. Ever."

[from_the_outside]

"Good." She smiles over at him, small but warm.

"We promised we'd keep an eye out for each other, when I got back. For you. And we have."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I thought the two of you were together. Before I ... before Steve woke me up." He says it as a matter of fact, as though it were the only thing that made sense.

"I'd have been happy for you. If you were. Just so you know."

[from_the_outside]

It's not exactly a huge surprise, and she doesn't think it would be to Steve, either. And... she'd be a liar if she said she'd never thought about it. Even Nat had thought there was something there, and she's got almost as good an eye as Clint.

Sharon shakes her head, her ponytail flipping against the back of her neck. "I know you would have," she murmurs. "But we weren't. We aren't. I do love him, Bucky, but it's never been like that with us. He's been my best friend for these last two years, ever since I got back. We needed each other."

[nerves_of_ice]

"He's a good one." He finishes the last swallow of coffee in his mug and sets it on the counter, uncertain what else to do with it. "I'm glad you had each other. That you weren't alone. Either of you."

[from_the_outside]

"He's the best," she agrees. "But he wasn't you."

And maybe Bucky isn't that man anymore, either, but none of them have any idea what might happen with him now that he isn't regularly getting his brain scrambled or being forced into cryostasis. She doesn't know if they can ever be what they were to each other again, but those feelings never died, they were just lying dormant without him.

[nerves_of_ice]

He absorbs that in silence for a few seconds. Finally, very low - so low as to be barely audible, he says:

"I don't know what to do."

[from_the_outside]

She shakes her head again, breathing out long and rushed.

"Neither do I."

[nerves_of_ice]

Maybe no one would know. Who could? There's no manual for this, no mission objective, no set of orders to follow.

Bucky makes himself draw a deep breath and lets it out slowly, then takes the next mental step toward a new, uncertain future.

"You said you wanted to go for a walk?"

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah."

She gets up with her coffee, goes to rummage in a drawer for some paper and a pencil. "We can leave Steve a note."

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods. "Do you need to eat something first?"