[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

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[nerves_of_ice]

She reaches for his left hand, and he’s pretty sure she’s done it unthinkingly because of the angle at which he’s sitting. It doesn’t seem to matter to her that it’s murderous metal, and that rocks him all over again.

He holds still and lets her take it. It takes him a second to find words, again, still. Maybe it always will, now. It’s been a long, long time since he was expected to talk, or allowed to for that matter.

“I know you mean that,” he starts. “Both of you.”

[from_the_outside]

That sounds like the beginning of a thought, or argument. She curls her fingers around the cool metal of his hand and doesn't let go.

"But?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“But,” he agrees. “Someone has to pay. For what I did. For what HYDRA did. And it’s not going to be either of you.”

[from_the_outside]

"It's not going to be you, either," she says, stubborn. "If anyone's going to pay, it'll be HYDRA itself."

That grain of an idea is slowly blossoming in her mind into something resembling an actual plan. "What do we even have a team called the Avengers for if not to do some avenging?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"That's not - I meant," he tries to clarify. "You can't - neither of you. If you try to keep them away from me, you'll become the enemy. You'll be a target. They're already going to start asking how much Steve knew. Could have known. If he's been hiding things. It won't stick, not the way things are now, but the more you try to block them from me, the worse it'll get."

He shrugs his right shoulder at her question. "I don't know. Until now, I never went up against them... not directly. The shadows were different."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon frowns at him. "When you say we'll become targets, do you mean for HYDRA or for the international intelligence and defense community?"

She watches him, tucked away here into this cave with her. "Or the government?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"HYDRA's spinning right now. Free-fall. But there's more of them out there. Hidden bases all over the world," he tells her, low and even. "Distract and redirect. The more they can use the chaos to hide and rebuild or rework the other things they're doing, the more they will."

He gives her barely a second to absorb that before he continues, "The government will be looking for someone to blame. Some reason HYDRA went unnoticed. Someone to put on the hook for destroying Insight. You know I'm right about this."

[from_the_outside]

She absorbs that a moment, thoughtful, then looks back at him with her eyebrows arched and a pert tilt to her mouth. "Seems like the best option is to take the fight directly to HYDRA, then. Go after those bases and their people."

Sharon purses her lips and taps her fingers for a moment, exaggerating a moment in thought, then shrugs. "Well, I was looking for something to do with all this sudden free time."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky eyes her. She doesn't seem like she's kidding. Still, he has to be sure he's understanding her correctly.

"Go rogue?"

[from_the_outside]

"Is it going rogue, though?" She cants her head, considering him.

"Or is it just... freelancing?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Depends on if you're signing up with another agency or not, I guess."

Since SHIELD's no longer an option to freelance from.

[from_the_outside]

"Well, exactly. I'm a free agent right now." She shrugs.

"There's nothing stopping me from going full vigilante."

[nerves_of_ice]

He eyes her harder than before. "We'll see," he settles on. This doesn't seem like the kind of thing that should be decided in a cave, without more planning. Not for her, anyway, although it's not unfamiliar to him.

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah." She squeezes his hand, unsure if he can even feel the gesture, then lets go and pushes up to her feet.

"Come on, let's go back. Steve's probably up by now."

[nerves_of_ice]

He gets up as well, but hesitates before heading for the opening to the outside. Bucky steps to the side and runs his fingers over the little shelf again.

"What did you use this for? Anything?"

[from_the_outside]

She half-turns, glance flicking to the little shelf. "Not much. I'd put little keepsakes there sometimes, maybe. It's a good spot to hide a little treasure."

[nerves_of_ice]

He runs his fingers over it again, feeling the texture, then nods and lets his hand drop as he comes to join her.

"Was there anywhere else you wanted to show me? Before we go back?"

[from_the_outside]

"There's lots, but it can wait."

There's no rush, hopefully. They all need some time to process, and they may as well make this house their base while they do.

[nerves_of_ice]

He looks uncertain for a moment but nods anyway. Bucky follows her out of the little cave and falls in on her left side to walk with her back to the house.

"It's quiet here. Peaceful." He murmurs it, reluctant to disturb the morning's hush.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon nods, taking in the familiar sights of the woods, breathing in the clean, fresh air.

"I want you to stay," she says, finally. "And I think you should, too. It's safe here, at least for now. We can figure things out and regroup. And like you said... it's quiet. Peaceful. It's a good place to work through some things."

[nerves_of_ice]

"As long as I'm not putting you and Steve at risk." It's not a no.

[from_the_outside]

She watches him over her shoulder as they walk, in quick glances. "Will you let us decide what's an acceptable risk or not?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He has to consider that carefully, as he’s coming to believe no risk would be deemed unacceptable when it comes to them.

“Together,” he counters, carefully, and ignores the flicker of nausea that comes from the challenge. It’s for their sake, not his.

[from_the_outside]

"Together," she agrees, feeling an old, old pang at the word. Together, the way they used to work through things.

[nerves_of_ice]

Something in the set of his shoulders relaxes at her acceptance. Bucky nods to her and moves to stay a little closer at her side.