[ WWII AU ] I held a funeral for my past today

[from_the_outside]

She's not sure what she would have done without Steve. 

 

Sharon stays with him for the first two days of her week of liberty, although she hardly pays attention to the passage of time. The storms of weeping and grief roll over her multiple times a day, and the very first night, she wakes up from a stuttering nightmare she can hardly remember that leaves her muffling a wail into her borrowed pillow.

 

On the second day after her return, when she's found a little equilibrium, Steve takes her around the city. They don't go to Coney Island, but he walks her through Brooklyn, and later that night they sit together on the couch, quiet in their shared grief. She thinks he needs her curled against his side, her head on his shoulder, as much as she needs him steady and solid against her. He makes sure she eats and stays hydrated and both of them try to sleep, and in that way, they get through the first few days.

 

On the third day, she packs the clothes JARVIS had provided and she and Steve head together for Washington. She's already invited him to the mountain house after they visit with Aunt Peggy, though she doesn't know if he'll take her up on it. All she knows is that he's about the only company she can stomach just now.

 

What they'll do if Aunt Peggy isn't having a good day, she's not quite sure. It almost doesn't matter, though, as they pull up to the townhouse. She just needs to see her.

Comments

[marvel_npc]

It helps to have someone who understands, who misses Bucky as much as he does. He just hopes it helps her as well. Steve does the best he can to look after her in every way he can, anticipating from his own experience how loss might rip into her at any moment and trying to be there when it does.

He tries to make small talk on the trip from New York to DC, miserably aware how bad he is at it in general. But it's her, and the quiet works too, and isn't as uncomfortable as he might have feared. He asks her about Virginia, about what living in DC is like, about anything he can think of that might be an anchor. It helps that he's genuinely interested, too - or at least he hopes it does.

As they pull up outside the townhouse, Steve glances over at her. "Um. I usually check in with Anna first, but ... I mean, you'd know."

[from_the_outside]

She nods as she unbuckles herself. "Good idea."

Anna knows they're coming – and Aunt Peggy does, too, hopefully – but she'll be the one to tell them if today will be a good day or not. Sharon gives Steve a small smile and reaches for the doorhandle. "Let's go see what she has to say."

[marvel_npc]

She's already reaching to open her own door, but he comes around to help her with it anyway before walking with her up the few steps to ring the buzzer. The speaker's good quality, and it no longer surprises him how clearly he can hear Anna's voice. "Yes, who is it, please?"

"Hi, Anna. It's Steve, and Sharon's with me today. We were hoping to visit Peggy together."

[from_the_outside]

"Hi, Steve," Anna's voice comes. She sounds cheerful, but she usually does. "I'll be right down."

The speaker clicks off, and Sharon studies the door, feeling unaccountably nervous. Even without her jaunt back through time, she hasn't been able to come visit Aunt Peggy in a while, and her stomach is busy tugging itself into knots.

All she can do is hope it's a good day. And that Aunt Peggy can remember where she put the files and items Sharon's sure she held onto.

[marvel_npc]

Anna pulls the door open to let them in, and Steve smiles at her. "Thanks for always making time."

"You're never any trouble," Anna assures him, before looking at Sharon with mild surprise. "It's good to see you. I didn't know you'd met Steve."

"We, uh, connected last week," Steve puts in. If he sticks to the truth - the parts of it he can tell, anyway - it's easier, he finds. "In New York."

[from_the_outside]

Anna clucks her tongue. "That was an awful business."

"It sure was," Sharon agrees. She can say so easily, even without having been there. She leans in to hug Anna and exchanges cheek kisses. "How is she today, Anna?"

[marvel_npc]

"Mixed," Anna says. "She's been having a pretty good day so far, but with a few spells. You might just have to be a little patient with her."

Steve's heart sinks in his chest. Shock sometimes makes those spells worse, he's learned, and he can't help but think that they've got a large shock in waiting. Still, careful he can do, along with patient, and he's sure Sharon feels the same way.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon nods, masking her disappointment. None of it's a surprise, after all, and it's not like Aunt Peggy has any control over it.

And it could be worse. A lot worse. It's almost something of a miracle that Aunt Peggy is having a pretty good day, good enough to see them. "Patient is fine," she promises.

[marvel_npc]

"You bet," Steve agrees, and Anna smiles at them both. "She's in the parlor," she tells them. "Go on, and I'll make a pot of tea for you."

As Anna starts toward the kitchen, Steve glances at Sharon. "Ready?" he murmurs.

[from_the_outside]

"Ready or not," she says, with a long, wry exhale. She meets his glance and gives him the crooked smile that's the best she's been able to do since landing on a Manhattan sidewalk, then reaches to give his hand a squeeze before she walks forward and heads into the parlor.

It's all so familiar. The furniture, the scent. And the woman in her reclining chair, a blanket tucked over her legs, her iron-gray hair neatly brushed. Sharon can feel a sting in her eyes, and blinks it away. "Hi, Aunt Peggy."

[marvel_npc]

"Sharon, darling." She's already smiling as she turns away from absent observation of trees bending in the breeze outside the window, only to blink in surprise as she sees Sharon standing together with Steve.

Peggy blinks, and blinks again, confused. Her glance goes past them, looking for Sergeant Barnes, who's always hanging around when Steve and Peggy are together, then comes back to her niece's face and lingers.

"Sharon?"

[from_the_outside]

Sharon doesn't turn to follow her aunt's glance; she's familiar with Aunt Peggy searching for faces that ought to be there but aren't. "Hi," she says, again, more softly, and comes to kneel by Aunt Peggy's chair, reaching for one of her aunt's frail hands to cradle it gently between both of hers.

She smiles as strongly as she can. "Steve and I thought we'd both visit you today."

[marvel_npc]

"Both." She turns her hand in Sharon's and grips tight. Her skin's older now; she's older now. She knows what this means; she has to hold on to what this means. "Both?"

Her glance flicks from Sharon's face to Steve's. "Is it time? It's time, isn't it." It's not entirely a question, but he answers it for her anyway.

"It's time, Peggy," Steve says, so gentle. "She's come back."

[marvel_npc]

He wakes early from a night of difficult dreams in which he could hear Bucky calling his name, but couldn't find him in the darkness. Steve stares up at the ceiling and lets out a long, silent sigh as he gathers himself to face the day.

Sharon's still asleep. He hopes her hangover won't be too bad - it shouldn't be, right? It wasn't that much Scotch, low tolerance or not. Still, she'd probably do better with some aspirin and water, maybe coffee. He climbs out of his makeshift bedroll and eases his way from the room as quietly as possible to go in search.

Water's easy. Medicine's a little harder, but he checks the bathroom cabinet, and then the next one, before giving up on that and going downstairs to get coffee started. He finds it in a narrow cabinet while looking for coffee and has to laugh. Steve spills a couple of pills out on a saucer, adds a fresh water glass to that, and carries it back up to set by the bed while the coffee brews.

When he comes back up a second time, it's with a large mug of coffee. He'd added milk and a little bit of sugar, remembering how Martin had always tried to keep honey for her when they were in France, and hopes it's good enough.

[from_the_outside]

She wakes in a puddle of sweat, overly-warm and tangled up in a cocoon of sheets and blankets. A moment's bemused self-inspection later, she realizes the overheating is because she's still wearing all her clothes, for some reason. When she shifts to loosen the sheets from around her legs, her hangover smashes into her with merciless, thudding precision. "Mmph."

Sharon pulls a pillow over her head, trying to keep this pounding headache from stabbing right through her temples. Her stomach roils, nausea seeping up through her system.

She doesn't think she'll puke. Probably. But it feels like more of a coin flip than she'd like.

[marvel_npc]

"Sharon?" He keeps it quiet. She looks miserable, what he can see of her. "I brought coffee. And aspirin."

[from_the_outside]

Ow.

Murky memories come trickling back to her at the sound of Steve's voice: Aunt Peggy. The vanity. The letters. The Scotch.

The lump beneath the sheets and pillows that is Sharon shifts, and her tired voice comes muffled from beneath the pillow. "Bless you, Steve."

Aspirin, thank god. She pulls herself from her nest and blinks blearily at the setup on the bedside table, then reaches for the pills and the glass of water.

[marvel_npc]

He hovers at the side of the bed a little awkwardly, not sure if he should sit or stand or leave.

"Can I bring you anything else?" He's pretty sure she doesn't want any of the horrific concoctions the guys used to talk about, but he could be wrong.

[from_the_outside]

She's still dressed – belatedly, she realizes this is probably because Steve put her to bed – so she's fine with pushing the blankets down to her lap. Down go the tablets and the water, and she finishes the glass before setting it back down again.

There's a pile of bedding on the floor. Steve must have crashed here, right next to her. The realization sends a flood of fond warmth through her, even with her pounding hangover.

Reaching for the coffee, she gives him a dubious glance. "Like what?"

There isn't much food here. They'll probably have to go shopping.

[marvel_npc]

"I found frozen waffles," he offers. "And frozen bread that'd be good for toast." He gives her a rueful smile. "It's been a while since my last hangover, but I figure you don't want the 'hair of the dog' or anything like that."

[from_the_outside]

"God, no."

She scrubs at her face and looks up him, then pats the foot of the bed. "You can sit down, Steve. Did you get coffee for yourself?"

[marvel_npc]

"I did, just let me --" He ducks back out into the hall, reclaims his mug from the shelf where he'd left it, and brings it back in to sit carefully on the end of the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

[from_the_outside]

"Like I've been run over by a truck full of peat."

The coffee helps. So does the water and the aspirin. She gives Steve a small, rueful smile. "Thanks for bringing me upstairs."

[marvel_npc]

"Sure. I thought you'd be more comfortable here than on the couch."

He takes a sip of coffee and studies her over the rim of the mug. "I wasn't sure which bedroom was yours, though. Sorry."

[from_the_outside]

"It's fine."

She glances at the nest he'd made on the floor and smiles over at him. "You could have found a bed for yourself, you know."