[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Comments

[from_the_outside]

She looks over at Steve, her arms tightly folded across herself. "Steve, we've got to get it away from them. This has to be our priority."

[nerves_of_ice]

“It’s well defended,” Bucky observes. It’s not denial, only warning.

[from_the_outside]

Steve chuckles, a little. "Yeah. But we have Banner."

"We'll make a plan," Sharon tells Bucky. "Anything you can remember, we'll plan around."

[nerves_of_ice]

“I’ll help. All I can.” Low and a little uneven, but he’s never meant anything more.

Bucky turns to another page and starts trying to sketch a map.

[from_the_outside]

As Bucky works, Sharon shifts towards Steve, her arms still crossed. "We're going to need everyone on board for this," she tells him, low. "Everyone, Steve. So this may be our first priority, but yours needs to be Tony."

[marvel_npc]

He glances at Bucky without meaning to, then makes himself tear his gaze away to meet Sharon's eyes instead. "I know." Even as he says it, he feels something deep inside him shudder before settling into a familiar stubborn determination.

"I know. But this isn't the kind of thing I can tell him over the phone. I could go to New York - or California if he's out there right now, I'm not actually sure. But I was thinking... it might be better if he met Buck first. Saw the man, rather than just hearing about what the Soldier did."

[from_the_outside]

"You know him better than I do," she murmurs. "If that's how you want to play it, you know I'll back you up. But be careful, Steve. He's not gonna take it well if he thinks you've been lying to him."

[marvel_npc]

"I'm not good at lying." He shrugs. It's only the truth, and he might as well admit it. "I just think if I lay it out for him so he can see for himself, it might help. But that means I either need to take Bucky to him, or bring Tony here."

[from_the_outside]

She gives it some thought, then give him a quick nod. "Better do it here," she says. "Fewer people, no chances of anyone overseeing or overhearing anything.

[marvel_npc]

"Thanks. I'll call him in a minute." But first, there's something he needs to ask. Steve shifts a little so Bucky can't see his face and lowers his voice.

"How are you holding up?"

[from_the_outside]

She takes a long breath, forcing it to stay steady, her shoulders tightening and lifting until she exhales in a quiet rush and gives him a rueful glance. "How are you holding up?"

It's as much an answer to his question as question itself. Neither of them ever expected... anything like this. And she's all too conscious of Bucky's careful concentration behind her. "You know me, Cap. I try to roll with the punches."

[marvel_npc]

"I know." His answering look is just as rueful as hers, and he guesses it says all that needs saying. Steve shakes his head. "We have him back. Everything else we can figure out from there."

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah." She wets her lip, then gives him a small smile as she finally unfolds her arms and reaches to curve her fingers briefly around his hand. "We have him back."

[marvel_npc]

He squeezes her fingers, careful not to press too hard. "It's going to be okay," he murmurs. He's got no right to make a promise like that, but that doesn't stop him. It will be okay, whatever he has to do to help get them all there.

"Anything else before I go call Tony?"

[from_the_outside]

"It will be," she murmurs. He's always been more optimistic than her, but she clings to it now, needing it more than ever.

Sharon huffs a wry breath and shakes her head before she squeezes his hand again and lets go. "Seems like plenty to me."

[nerves_of_ice]

"You can say that again," Steve agrees. Bucky keeps his eyes firmly locked on the mess of a map that he's still trying to put together from the fragmented bits of his recollection.

Steve doesn't realize how good his hearing is, it's apparent. Although the other man had been speaking quietly, Bucky's pretty sure he hasn't missed a single word. He lets it all wash through him in a churn that he'll try to untangle and think about later, and only looks up when Steve comes back to stand beside him.

"I'm going to ask Tony to come here," he explains. "It's going to be hard no matter what, but I think it'll help if he can meet you. Are you ready for that?"

No. He doesn't say it. What good would it do? Bucky nods to signal acceptance.

[from_the_outside]

She watches them both, her arms folded back across her ribs again, but her eyes are more on Bucky than on Steve. He doesn't like it, she thinks, but it's not like he's going to push back on any of their decisions. Maybe not even if he could.

"Let us know what he says, Steve," she tells him. "Bucky and I will keep working down here."

[nerves_of_ice]

"As soon as I'm off the call," Steve promises. He gives Bucky a reassuring clap on the shoulder before pulling out his phone and wandering off in the direction of the back porch.

Bucky watches after him for a moment before he looks back down at the map and tries to refocus.

[from_the_outside]

She waits until she hears Steve's steps on the stairs, then comes around the table towards Bucky. "Hey."

Her hand lands, light, on his arm. "Are you really okay with this?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He keeps his gaze locked on the rough sketch and holds still under her gentle touch.

"Which part?"

[from_the_outside]

"Bringing Tony here."

All of it, really, but that's by far the most pertinent part just now. "Seeing him. Talking to him."

[nerves_of_ice]

He draws a soft breath and glances sideways up at her.

"It doesn't matter. He deserves to know. Whatever makes it easier on Steve and on him is fine."

[from_the_outside]

"It matters to us." She doesn't lift her hand away, and her fingers curl a little more firmly over his arm. "It doesn't have to be today."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Waiting's not going to make it any easier," he counters. "On anyone."

[from_the_outside]

"You know what I mean." Despite everything, she thinks he does, anyway. He knows she's trying to give him an out; she knows he'll never take it. She takes a deep breath, lets it out slow through her nose.

"Fine. But if at any point you need it to stop, I'm stopping it. Whether you tell me to or not."