[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

"He did?" Guilt twists deep inside him, and he figures he'd better get used to that, but it's accompanied by curiosity. "What did he do?"

[from_the_outside]

She runs her thumb idly over the rise of his collarbone beneath the fabric of his shirt. "I landed in New York," she tells him. "He picked me up and brought me to Avengers Tower, then got Steve and Fury. He checked me over right after I appeared, and then regularly after that, just to make sure there weren't any lingering effects from traveling via cube portal."

Sharon shakes her head, thinking. "He made sure I had clothes and a phone, offered me a place to stay... I wouldn't say we're friends, exactly, but we got to know each other, a little."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm glad. That you had someone to help. When you - when you got back." Carefully, deliberately, he raises his right hand to brush her hair back from her face before letting it rest on her shoulder for a moment.

[from_the_outside]

She leans into his touch, brief as it is, and lets her own hands slide to his sides, his hips, as he rests his palm on her shoulder. "Me too."

She'd been a wreck in more ways that one: uniform torn and dirty, later sobbing in Steve's arms. "He knows about my going back to the war... meeting you. All the others."

[nerves_of_ice]

Surprise is clear in his eyes. "He does? Do all of them? Steve's new team, I mean."

[from_the_outside]

"No," she tells him, shaking her head. "Tony knows, and now Nat knows, but that's it. Those two and Fury are the only ones. That information is classified to hell and back."

[nerves_of_ice]

“Probably just as well. Still.” He gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze and lowers his hand.

“I guess we’ll see how it goes.”

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah." He lets go; she doesn't. There hasn't been enough time, she hasn't had enough time with him under her hands yet. "Look, I don't want to hurt Tony. But I'm not gonna let him hurt you, either. Okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“I know.” Howard’s son. Steve’s friend, and Sharon’s too. He doesn’t see any way this ends well, but he’ll have to come up with something fast.

[from_the_outside]

All she wants to do is put her forehead against his chest and close her eyes. They've been going full tilt for days; they need a break.

There's no break coming. She exhales, long and steady, and finally lifts her hands away. "If we can figure out where to hit HYDRA and how, that'll help," she tells him, businesslike. "It'll give Tony somewhere to point his anger."

[nerves_of_ice]

He tips his head a little, toward the map. He can still feel where her hands had been. "Sokovia first, or somewhere closer?"

[from_the_outside]

"Sokovia first," she says, decisive. "We don't want to give them any sort of heads up that we're coming for them. To keep the element of surprise and catch them off guard, it has to be Sokovia first."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky nods. "Satellite look-down, if possible. Current maps, if not. For planning the approach."

[from_the_outside]

"Satellites would be easier with Tony's AI," she murmurs. "But maps we can get without a problem."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky tilts his head a little, considering her. Very steadily, he points out, "I could scout it."

[from_the_outside]

She slants a narrow-eyed glance over at him. He could, yeah. But:

"Not alone."

[nerves_of_ice]

He meets that narrowed gaze with a bland one of his own.

"Why not?"

[from_the_outside]

She counts off reasons on her fingers, starting with her right thumb. "Redundancy. You might get captured. You might need to send someone with a message. It's faster and more efficient to cover that much ground with another person. It's damn stupid to go alone."

Sharon drops her hand and looks up at him, just as bland. "Take your pick. I've got more, if you like."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm getting the impression you have pretty strong opinions about this."

Bucky hesitates, then reaches up to gently touch her cheek. "I've done this a lot. It'll be fine."

[from_the_outside]

She can't help it; she turns her head a little into his touch. "Are you really suggesting it because it's the best idea?"

Her eyes are dark and steady. "Or is there something else going on?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“There’s a lot that’s going on. That doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea.”

He leaves his hand where it is, gently cradling her cheek for a moment.

[from_the_outside]

Her lashes flutter as she blinks, light and fast, as she lifts her own hand to cover his. Everything in her is aching and sore.

"Please don't ask me to stay behind while you go away on a mission again," she whispers. "Don't ask me to watch while you leave and maybe never come back again."

[nerves_of_ice]

He sucks in a sharp breath as the realization hits him and reacts on instinct, taking a step closer to her. "Sharon."

[from_the_outside]

"I should have been there." Some key has turned in some lock somewhere, all the grief that's been welling up in her since he took off his mask and she realized who he was bubbling up under her breastbone. "I should have forced my way onto that mission. I could have changed it, I--"

Everything hurts, and it isn't just because she's still bruised and battered from Rumlow, from the buildings coming down. From him. "I just got you back."

[nerves_of_ice]

If asked, he'd never be able to explain why he does it or how he knows that it might be something she'd want, but a deeper, older part of him is certain enough that he's able to act. Bucky shifts, gathering her in an embrace and holding her close.

"It's not your fault. It's not," he swears, low but intense. "It never was. None of what happened was your fault, Sharon."