[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"They always do." She takes the page back and offers it back to Steve before going to get some more coffee. "Fury won't help; he's still pretending to be dead. But we should do something, Steve."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I could go to the hearing," Steve says, a little doubtfully but still game. "I know Nat was planning on handling it, but--"

"Have you gotten any better at lying?" Bucky asks, point-blank.

[from_the_outside]

"He hasn't," Sharon answers, while Steve gives her a wry look but doesn't argue. She pours her coffee and fixes it for herself, then leans back against the counter, speculative.

"I could go, but I'm SHIELD all the way down. Nat at least has the protection of being an Avenger."

[nerves_of_ice]

"At least it's public. Sort of. She'll have an exit strategy. That'll help."

Bucky shakes his head. "They'll be wanting answers. As well as blood. You'll have to decide what you want to tell them."

[from_the_outside]

"We'll figure it out." And she'll get in touch with Nat however she can. "It isn't for a week or so."

Probably longer, if she knows anything about the slow-turning wheels of bureaucracy.

[nerves_of_ice]

He glances back and forth between them. "Does anyone else know you found me?"

[from_the_outside]

"Sam," Steve tells him. "Maria Hill. No one else."

[from_the_outside]

"No," Steve tells him, answering for them both. "Sharon and I are the only ones. And Peggy, but..."

He glances at Sharon, who meets his eyes for a long moment before turning a wry look on Bucky. "If Aunt Peggy says anything, people will just think she's confused."

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods.

"You should tell Natasha. Before the hearing. To plan. In case it helps."

He leaves that decision to them and turns away to go pour a cup of coffee for himself. It's a small act, choosing to take that tiny luxury, but no less significant for it.

[from_the_outside]

"Somehow I don't think she'll be any more interested in throwing you under the bus than we are," Sharon murmurs, flicking a glance at him. He doesn't know yet that she knows about what happened with him and Natasha when he trained her, but she'll have to tell him, soon.

[nerves_of_ice]

"No." He's sure of that much, at least. Despite everything. "But she'll do what's needed."

He's sure of that too, and it comes through in his tone of voice.

[from_the_outside]

"Good think it's not needed, then," she tells him, without room for argument.

"Sharon's right," Steve says. "We're not using you for leverage or anything else. If we tell Nat, it'll be because she'd want to know you're safe."

[nerves_of_ice]

He takes a slow sip of coffee, watching them both over the rim of the mug. "What if it could help?"

[from_the_outside]

Steve sets his own coffee down, looking up at Bucky with a crinkled brow.

"How?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He shrugs. "I'm still working on that. I don't think it's a good idea for me to be in their custody."

Not to mention he's damn certain neither of the two here with him would stand for it.

"But if there turns out to be a way, maybe you shouldn't rule it out. Is all I'm saying."

[from_the_outside]

"We'll see," is as far as Steve's willing to go, and Sharon catches his eye again for a moment, one corner of her mouth tucking into a rueful half-smile.

"And if we do start telling people," Steve continues, after he looks away from her and back to Bucky, "I want to make sure we've got you covered, first. We've got to try and figure out how to undo what they did to you, Buck."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky feels himself grow still. He shakes his head, once; it seems to be the only movement he can manage.

"They reprogrammed my head, Steve. My mind. There's no way to undo something like that."

[from_the_outside]

Steve shakes his head at him, stubborn. "You don't know that. Nobody knows that for sure."

"Steve's right," Sharon murmurs. "If you were programmed, you can be deprogrammed."

"And HYDRA doesn't have anyone as smart as Tony and Bruce on their side," Steve points out. "We'll figure it out. I'm not just going to sit here and say we can't do anything."

[nerves_of_ice]

He flinches a little at Tony's name; he can't help it, even though he kicks himself for it. "I don't know Bruce," he demurs, trying to buy himself time, even just a moment before he has to shatter their world. Again.

[from_the_outside]

She'd let him keep this to himself the night before, whatever it is, but they both knew that was a temporary thing. "You've heard of him," she promises. "Bruce Banner. But, Bucky, I think it's time you tell us why you react every time you hear Tony's name."

[nerves_of_ice]

Nausea wells up in the back of his throat as the screams of the dead start wailing in his head.

("Sergeant Barnes?")

"Tony Stark won't want to help me." He keeps it as steady as he can, trying not to look either of them in the eye, cowardly though it may be. He looks into the air somewhere between them instead.

"Because I killed his parents. I killed Howard."

[from_the_outside]

She and Steve both stare at him, their coffees forgotten. "What?" Steve says, a little blankly, while Sharon shakes her head, disbelieving.

"They died in a car crash," she says. "Aunt Peggy told me."

[nerves_of_ice]

"December 16, 1991," he confirms, just as quietly as before. "I engineered the crash. Made it look like an accident. It wasn't. The mission was to sanction and extract, leaving no witnesses."

The look in his eyes is bleak. "Howard - I didn't know him. He - he tried, but I -- "

His ability to speak chokes off there and he shakes his head. "At least I made it quick."

[from_the_outside]

"The mission." Steve's clinging to that word with all she's got; she recognizes it, because she's doing the same thing herself. He's breathing hard, but his voice is ruthlessly steady as he goes on.

"They sent you to assassinate him? Why?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"He was a courier." Horror fills him as he suddenly realizes Steve doesn't know. Probably doesn't know. Would anyone have told him?

"For Project Rebirth. They were trying to reproduce the serum, Steve. The one that changed us. And they got far enough to test it."