from_the_outside: buckybear @ IJ ([Kate] over the shoulder)
[personal profile] from_the_outside
It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Date: 2024-05-27 10:40 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (james: putting the pieces together)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
He nods, and stares down at the plate in front of him.

It’s impossible to remember their faces, he finds. They all blur together in flashes.

Date: 2024-05-27 10:50 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
His hand twitches under her gentle touch, and he looks up at her, then back and forth between them.

“Children?”

Date: 2024-05-28 09:08 am (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
Bucky stares at him like he’s just started speaking another language, one he himself doesn’t know yet. He’s not entirely sure he hasn’t.

“What?”

Date: 2024-05-28 10:14 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (bucky (cw): staring into space)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
That’s not the problem, he thinks. The problem is that they’d be horrified by the monster he’s become, compared to whatever they might have been told about their uncle - fuck, how is that even possible? - who died in the war all those years ago.

“I bet they were thrilled,” he manages, knowing he has to say something. “To see you.”

Date: 2024-05-28 10:27 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
His fingers feel cold where Sharon’s hand had been, without her warmth.

“All of this is. For everyone.” Maybe saying the obvious will help. Somehow.

Date: 2024-05-28 10:39 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
“Okay.” It’s barely a murmur, low but clear. “Thank you.”

He doesn’t know what to do. He would if it were a mission, but now? He doesn’t know how to stop hurting them.

Date: 2024-05-29 08:56 am (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
He tracks the movement of the plate and how little she’s eaten with a frown. His glance flickers to her face and he studies her for a moment before deciding not to press the issue.

Bucky looks back at Steve. “What objectives do we have?” he asks, splitting his attention between them.

Date: 2024-05-31 08:35 am (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
He’s quiet for a second or two, considering them. “Would more intel help? On HYDRA?”

Date: 2024-05-31 03:36 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
He nods. This feels familiar, he realizes; working together with the two of them toward a common goal.

The feeling lets his shoulders unknot a little, causes a subtle relaxation to run through him. “I have some. More when I can sort through my head. And I know where to find more. Targets. And their plans.”

Date: 2024-05-31 09:48 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (winter soldier (cw): ready to comply)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
“HYDRA has bases hidden all over the world,” he tells them, very quietly. “The Winter Soldier’s been to more than a few of them. I…know where some of them are. I’ll remember more. The systems can be stripped.”

Date: 2024-06-01 05:04 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (winter soldier (cw): ready to comply)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
“Not here.” It’s too quick, but he can’t help it. The conditioning stirs and he shoves it back by concentrating on information security, rather than on the revulsion he feels at turning this space into an operational one.

“Some other room. Would be better.”

Date: 2024-06-02 05:39 pm (UTC)
nerves_of_ice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nerves_of_ice
“Maybe that big dining room?” he suggests, thinking of the table. “Plenty of room for maps. I could get started marking known sites.”

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from_the_outside: by youknowmyname on tumblr (Default)
Sharon Carter

May 2025

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