[AU] there's grief of Want and grief of Cold

[from_the_outside]

She sleeps later than she had the day before – a combination of not having to get up and go to the doctor and exhaustion – and when she comes downstairs, the house is quiet but coffee is already made. After making herself a cup, she pads barefoot to the door and steps out into the crisp mountain morning.

She's unsurprised to see that Bucky is up, and to find Steve's motorcycle gone from the driveway. "Steve head out already?"

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[nerves_of_ice]

“All of it.” He makes no apology. His voice is level and steady.

“The mission orders were to retrieve the Project Rebirth serum from the person carrying it and to leave no witnesses. That’s why I killed her along with him.”

There’s a darkness in his eyes, but he keeps going. The least he can do is give it to the othe man straight.

“The serum was in the trunk of the car. Five doses. It was their attempt at recreating Erskine’s work. I took it back to the program facility, where the scientists administered it to a group of volunteers. It wasn’t wholly successful, but it did enough.”

[from_the_outside]

She watches the muscles jump in Tony Stark's jaw and wonders for the first time if she'd really be able to stop him from killing Bucky.

Probably not without dying herself, and she has the feeling that would piss a bunch of people off even more. So call it Plan B, then.

"Volunteers?" Tony says, his voice as hard as the metal of his armor. He waves a hand in Bucky's general direction, but not threateningly. "They made more like you?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“Yes. And yes. But it poisoned them,” Bucky tells him. “There was a test. They had to fight me; defeat me if they could. The adrenaline rush was too much. They went crazy. Attacked the scientists. I got my handler out; locked the room down. They were put on ice until command could figure out how to get them under full control. They never did.”

[from_the_outside]

He's a smart man, she knows. A genius with tech, an idiot with people, utterly unable to stand a mystery or manipulation.

Something changed in Stark, she thinks. Maybe it was Ultron. Maybe it was New York. He seems at once both edgy and exhausted. She just has to hope that his hatred of manipulation, his love of the Avengers, and his need to get to the bottom of a mystery outweigh the very real pain he's currently experiencing.

He stares at Bucky for a long moment, then starts pacing back and forth, clanking in his suit of armor. "So that's it?" he asks. "They were a mission?"

Something shifts in his face and Sharon tenses just as Tony takes an aggressive step forward, his voice breaking, his eyes dark and despairing and furious. "That was my mom."

[nerves_of_ice]

“I know.” He doesn’t move as he says it, even as Stark steps forward, and his voice is very, very quiet.

He doesn’t intend to let Stark kill him, but he won’t be the one to start this fight.

“I remember her. I remember them. At the time I couldn’t, but I remember them now.”

[from_the_outside]

The problem with the question she'd asked before is that there's no good answer. Nothing Bucky says will make this any less horrible. None of it will dull Tony's pain. It must be like he'd lost them all over again.

But that still doesn't mean he gets to kill her friend. "Right," says Tony, bitter. "Right, right. The –"

He spins a finger at his temple. "Brainwashing."

"Tony." That's her. Her voice is quiet, gentle... but her hands are still up. "It wasn't him. It was HYDRA. He's their victim, too."

Tony stops pacing and points a warning finger at her. "You," he says, forebodingly. "Don't talk. How are you even part of this? Never mind, don't answer that, I don't care."

Her lips thin as she presses them together, but she doesn't argue. He can lash out at her all he wants if it keeps him from spiraling into an attack on Bucky.

[nerves_of_ice]

He shifts position just enough to draw Stark’s attention back to him, then meets his eyes and holds his gaze. “You have every right to hate me,” he says. “HYDRA or not, I still did it. I’m still responsible.”

He draws a careful breath. “The only thing, the only thing I’m going to ask is that you don’t let this tear the Avengers apart. That’s what Zemo wants.”

[marvel_npc]

"Don't need your permission," says Tony, his voice flat as a sheet of paper, "but I'm glad to see we agree on something. You bet I have every right. And I do, god, I do. I hate you. And you don't get to ask me for anything. Okay? Let's get this one thing clear. The Avengers are not your concern. Period. I already got the Captain America lecture of righteousness, I am not sitting here and getting it from you, too."

It's simmering and roiling away in his gut, in his chest, in his head. He casts another glare at CIA Agent Carter, who is still keeping herself between him and Barnes, then turns his attention back on the erstwhile Winter Soldier. "So, what. You're reformed, now? No longer HYDRA's pet killing machine? How exactly am I supposed to trust that?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He stays silent while Tony rages at him, letting the words wash over him. Stark has the right, even if he’s wrong about Steve.

(How hard must Steve have defended him for Stark to be that bitter about it?)

“You can’t.” He’s distantly glad to hear his voice remains steady. He’s not going to lie, beg, or plead. “But as long as I’m out of their clutches I’m not in their control. That makes me not their weapon to wield.”

[marvel_npc]

FRIDAY beeps a warning at him: his blood pressure is spiking. He waves it away and takes a deep breath, staring at Barnes before turning abruptly and pacing away again, back and forth.

"But this Zemo –" He waves a hand again. "The Sokovian, he flipped the switch, right? Cap said you handed him over to Fury. Now there's a guy you can't trust."

[from_the_outside]

As bad as this is, she's cautiously optimistic that they might be on the upswing. Stark is pacing and talking, apparently more to himself than to them, and it seems like he's using it to work through the scenario.

At least he isn't throwing punches or blasting them with pulses from his hands or chest. Small favors. "We're following up on Zemo," she tells him. "We know where he got the information. That what Steve and the others are checking out today."

[nerves_of_ice]

"So that's why I wasn't invited to the party," Stark bites out, and a sinking feeling hits Bucky's gut and spreads out through him with an icy chill.

I took his parents, and now he thinks I'm taking--

But Stark's still talking, that dark and furious glare fixed on him again. "Now you've got the whole team backing you up? Steve argued with me for hours yesterday, you know. Couldn't stand it that I was pissed off at his buddy the murderer. I thought he was my friend!"

"He is." It's as low and steady as before, and as absolutely certain. "He is your friend. He's doing this for you. For all of you. You're Zemo's real target. I'm just his tool."

[from_the_outside]

"You are a tool, I'll give you that," Tony says, but Sharon thinks it's reflexive.

They might be getting through to him after all. Maybe Steve's arguments cracked the door just enough. "Cap believes in you," she tells him. "He wanted the news to come from him because he's your friend. And he swore up and down that there was no way Zemo's plan would work, because you wouldn't let it."

[nerves_of_ice]

He watches as Stark's glance flicks from him to Sharon and holds for a moment, considering. He remains still as the other man's focus swings back to him.

"Forget about Zemo for a second. What's your big plan? Assuming for some reason I don't kill you, that is, which, let me tell you, is nowhere near off the table yet."

Bucky turns his right hand palm-up, not moving his left arm, and gives a minuscule shrug. "I don't have one. Warning Steve, warning you guys, getting Zemo and whoever's helping him out of play - that's all I've got."

He doesn't dare look at Sharon.

[from_the_outside]

"Nobody has a plan except Zemo," Sharon says, swallowing any other possible reaction. She can't let any of it show on her face. "And we don't know what it is yet."

Tony Stark looks back at her, and she keeps her gaze steady and level. He's still furious, she can tell, but he's at least listening. "We know it was going to involve the Joint Terrorism Task Force. And that Zemo was probably going to hurt a lot of people to be able to get to you and Steve."

And Bucky, but she has the feeling Tony won't be all too sympathetic to that. "He lost his family when the Avengers fought Ultron. He wants you to lose yours, too."

[marvel_npc]

Oh, he hates this, he hates this, and wants nothing more than to ignore all of it and unleash the full force of his repulsors on the silent man in front of him, following it up with everything he can think of until there's nothing left of his parents' murderer but scraps and dust.

Except that much as he doesn't want to admit it, he can recognize the trap that's been laid, the strings that this Zemo asshole's trying to pull, using his mom and dad's deaths to do it, and that pisses him off too.

"The Joint Terrorism Task Force. Friday?" With his visor up she can't give him the embedded display, but he listens to the report in his ear - and as he does, his attention swings away from Barnes to Sharon Carter. "That's you. Deputy Commander Ross's right hand."

[from_the_outside]

"That's me," she confirms. "And before I was CIA, I was SHIELD."

[marvel_npc]

For all the things he's ever been accused of, being slow's not one of them.

"Hence Fury. Right?"

[from_the_outside]

"Right."

His attention is still on her, and she wants to keep it that way until he's cooled down a little. "I couldn't bring Zemo to the JTTF without knowing what his plan for it was and we couldn't hand him over to you guys without delivering him straight to his targets. Fury was the best available option."

[marvel_npc]

He scoffs at that, but his heart's not in it. "Right. And instead of turning this guy--" He waves at Barnes. "-- over to either of them, you've got him under some version of, what, house arrest here, near Steve."

Tony doesn't wait for an answer, but paces back and forth across the driveway again, thinking furiously, before he spins back to confront Barnes.

"We're not finished. So when this is over, you and me are gonna have another, much less pleasant chat. Got that?"

[nerves_of_ice]

It's honestly better than what he was expecting. Maybe Steve was right after all.

Bucky nods, in silence, without hesitation.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon bristles but manages to keep her mouth shut. He's calming down; the last thing this situation needs is escalation.

"What will you do now?" she asks, instead.

[marvel_npc]

"Go back to the compound and wait for the others to get back from their little jaunt." It grates to have been left behind, and never mind that Steve probably had good reason for it. He always has a good reason. It's one of the things that occasionally makes Tony want to punch him in his perfect teeth.

He swings around to confront Barnes as he adds, "And you're coming with me."

[nerves_of_ice]

He hadn't even had a half-second to relax before Stark drops that bombshell. Bucky feels every muscle in his body tense up.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he says, as neutrally as he can.

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah, no."

That's not happening. "Are you going to carry him all the way back to upstate New York? That doesn't seem very efficient. You know where he is: neither of us are going anywhere. He's my responsibility, I'm not going to turn him over to someone who's already admitted they want to kill him."