[AU] there's grief of Want and grief of Cold

[from_the_outside]

She sleeps later than she had the day before – a combination of not having to get up and go to the doctor and exhaustion – and when she comes downstairs, the house is quiet but coffee is already made. After making herself a cup, she pads barefoot to the door and steps out into the crisp mountain morning.

She's unsurprised to see that Bucky is up, and to find Steve's motorcycle gone from the driveway. "Steve head out already?"

Comments

[marvel_npc]

"Please." He spins back to give her a scathing look. "You think I didn't spot the passive cloaking signal from the Quinjet out there in the woods?"

Tony flaps a hand at her. "You can come too, whatever, I don't care, the place is big enough. But I'm not leaving the guy with a history of fucking vanishing into the wind for years at a time somewhere I can't keep an eye on him."

[from_the_outside]

"You're still not giving me a lot of incentive to agree," she points out, but glances at Bucky, trying to get a read on what he wants.

If he doesn't want to go, they aren't going. End of story.

[nerves_of_ice]

He's keeping track on Stark out of the corner of his eye, but he's shifted the angle of his body to face Sharon, and he's watching her steadily, his expression as close to unreadable as he can make it.

"It's up to you," he says, and nothing more.

[from_the_outside]

"Helpful," she says, wry, and turns back to Stark.

"Here are my conditions. One: I pilot the Quinjet. You can fly outside. Two: I don't know what kind of detention facility you might have at the compound, but either way, you're putting us in a decent apartment, not a cell. Three: I determine the security and restrictions on said apartment, not you. Four: you get no access to Sergeant Barnes without prior agreement and Steve Rogers and myself both present. Five: If I think for even a second that you mean to harm him, we leave."

She fixes Stark with a level glare, her jaw set in a don't fuck with me expression that is probably familiar to Bucky.

[marvel_npc]

He stares at her in disbelief before throwing both hands up in the air, then letting them drop to his side.

"It's a luxury compound, not a prison," he snaps. "It's a hundred acres with a lap pool. There's a screening room. Come on. You're the special agent, not me. But fine, whatever."

The rest of her demands don't really matter. He can get what he wants when he needs to, as long as Barnes is in reach. The only sticking point might be always having Steve around, but Steve can't watch him all the time.

"Friday, start the new member protocol, with some limitations that the charming Agent Carter and I will be working out shortly."

"Right away," the AI says, into the air so they all can hear. "Everything will be ready by the time you arrive in New York."

[nerves_of_ice]

This is not how he'd ever expected to return to New York.

Bucky stays silent, and still, and just watches.

[from_the_outside]

"Hang on," she says. "I haven't agreed yet."

Bucky is silent and still. He's often silent and still, but this is pinging all wrong. She looks at Stark. "I need a few minutes to talk with Sergeant Barnes. Alone. And without you eavesdropping."

[marvel_npc]

He rolls his eyes and huffs a breath in frustration, then gestures grandly at the front porch.

"Be my guest," he snipes.

[from_the_outside]

Ah yes, the familiar you are an unbelievable pain in the ass combination eye roll and sigh; good to know she's still got it.

She ignores Stark and goes to Bucky instead, putting a hand on his arm and nudging him toward the house. "Come on," she says, quietly.

She makes sure she's between him and Stark when they walk past. And she doesn't stop on the porch: she brings them both inside and shuts and locks the door behind them. "Well," she says, once she's sure Stark won't break the door down.

"That could have gone better."

[nerves_of_ice]

He doesn't move from where they've stopped, but stands quietly, watching her.

"Or worse."

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah," she agrees, and runs both hands through her hair, distracted. "It could have gone a lot worse."

First things first: she studies him, the way he's holding himself, the shuttered look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm fine."

He looks back at her. "Are you? It's your home he invaded."

[from_the_outside]

"No," she says, flatly. "I'm not fine. I'm pissed off."

She comes a little closer. "We don't have to go anywhere. I'm not going to let him call the shots. If you don't think it's a good idea, we're not going. He doesn't get to be your jailer."

No matter what he says about the compound. She's pretty sure he's not going to be letting them have the run of the place.

[nerves_of_ice]

She means it, he knows. She'd just faced down a furious Iron Man with nothing more than her determination and strength of will, and she'll do it again if he asks her to.

Which is why he can't.

"I don't want things to escalate," he says, very softly, and reaches out with his right hand to catch one of hers. "I don't want you to get hurt. Or Steve to be hurt, if it did and went south and he wasn't here. I'll be okay."

[from_the_outside]

She laces her fingers through his, coming close enough to look up into his face. "I won't be," she says, stubborn and miserable and angry all at once. "If something happens to you, if he hurts you, I'll –"

She takes a quick breath, centers herself. "I don't want to escalate things. But I'm going to protect you, no matter what. Here or there. It's okay if you don't want to go. We'll figure it out. I really don't think he'd risk hurting me."

[nerves_of_ice]

The tiniest of smiles quirks the corner of his mouth. "Looks like I have a guardian angel."

Maybe she's right; maybe Stark wouldn't hurt her. Bucky's not willing to risk it.

"I'll be fine," he tries to assure her. "It'll be okay."

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah," she says, grim. "You will, because I'll make sure of it."

She squeezes his hand and lets go, stepping back. "If there's anything you want to make sure he doesn't have access to, you can leave it here. No one will touch it."

[nerves_of_ice]

He glances sideways at the journal. “No,” he says, after a second.” “I’ll bring them. The backpack.”

[from_the_outside]

"Okay."

She's not happy. He's not happy. Tony isn't happy. Steve won't be happy when he hears.

(Zemo. Zemo might be happy, if he were ever to know.) She sighs. "Then I'll let him know we'll come and then pack a few things."

[nerves_of_ice]

He opens his mouth to say ‘you don’t have to’ and closes it again, choosing to nod instead.

“Okay.”

He stays still, waiting to follow her.

[from_the_outside]

She gives him a tight nod back and stalks to the door to open it and stare out at Tony Stark.

Still in her driveway. "Fine," she says, flat. "We'll come, for now. We'll be out in a second."

She doesn't wait for him to answer before she shuts and locks the door again.

[nerves_of_ice]

His lips twitch in a flicker of amusement. Silently, he goes to the island and retrieves the journal, then walks to the bottom of the stairs.

[from_the_outside]

She takes advantage of the adrenaline swimming in her system to climb the stairs more quickly than she's been managing and heads straight to her room to start throwing things back into her bag.

(She doesn't pause. She can't sit and think. Not yet. She's not ready for her failure to come crashing down on her.)

The codeine she brings to the bathroom and empties down the toilet. She can't afford the fuzziness it brings. She'll just have to make do with over the counter painkillers and ice packs.

[nerves_of_ice]

He’s waiting in the hall outside her room when she comes out, his pack slung on his back.

[from_the_outside]

She's got her own backpack slung over her right shoulder, her phone in her hand, and she pauses in the hall to look up at him.

"Bucky, I'm sorry," she says, soft. "I promised you would be safe here and you weren't. That's on me."

Her free hand makes an abortive move towards him, then fists and drops to her side. "I'm not going to screw this up, too. It's going to be okay."