[oom] something in my mind freezes up from time to time

[from_the_outside]

She hardly has any time to protest when Nakia appears like a vengeful storm sweeping into Shuri's lab and hauls Sharon away like a child who has snuck out of bed.

"Nakia –!"

"I will return her once she is ready," Nakia tells Shuri, who looks like she's barely holding back laughter, and then drags Sharon down the short corridor to the train platform, tapping out an order on her Kimoyo beads as she does.

"Do I get to know what's going on?" Sharon complains, and Nakia gives her a flat look.

"Stretch your arms up as high as you can," she commands, and when Sharon hesitates snaps: "Well?"

Annoyed, Sharon does as requested, but can only get her left arm about halfway up before wincing and letting it drop again. "As I thought," Nakia says, patronizing, and ushers her onto the train.

What follows is a series of tests and scans Sharon submits to with poor grace. "I'm fine!" she protests. "It's been six weeks!" But the Wakandan doctors either don't believe her or are too scared of Nakia to ignore her orders, and Sharon finds herself on the business end of a needle or two and several strangely warm lights that do something uncomfortable to the ribs she'd broken and then re-broken.

"Why does it hurt more now?" she complains, and Nakia smiles peaceably. "Because you did not take care of them before and now they must heal properly. You will be fine tomorrow or the day after."

And whatever arguments Sharon makes, she refuses to hear.

---

Nakia keeps her resting for the remainder of the day, feigning deafness when Sharon asks about going either to the lab or to see Bucky, and the evening and night pass without incident. She does manage to see him the next day, but it's brief: Nakia had swept in shortly after sun-up with coffee and breakfast and informed Sharon she would be taking her to meet several of the different tribes. And that it would likely take all day.

So Sharon contents herself with waving to Bucky from a distance as she and Nakia pass by: the children must have been freed from their lessons because they're clamoring around him. She meets a slew of people whose names she tries her best to remember and returns to the Citadel that evening with a few colorful braided and beaded bracelets around her wrist and several yards of beautiful cloth one of the village women had pressed on her. She doesn't know what to do with it; Nakia takes it with a secretive smile and promises to find a purpose.

But the next morning, she's up and out before Nakia can show up with plans again: the doctors had said she would be fine today, and she has somewhere she needs to be. After she's made use of the coffee maker she'd wheedled out of the kitchen staff, showered, and changed, she's heading down the halls of the Citadel to the station.

Shuri had said first thing. They may already be there.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

The murmured words shift back and forth from easier times to more difficult ones, creating new paths and leading him among old ones in a winding, unpredictable fashion. Sometimes he tenses up, other times he relaxes as he explores each recollection, the memories leading him deeper and deeper into his own mind.

At one point, during a reminiscence of him and Steve together celebrating his birthday in Brooklyn, three of the scarred patches light up at once, and Shuri nearly fumbles the display in surprise. "So that is what those are!" she mutters, her fingers racing over the screen to trace the links between them.

Bucky doesn't notice. He's deep in the mists of his own mind, lost in his own thoughts, drifting from prompt to prompt without conscious direction.

The recorded voice switches again, and reads out, "A long time ago, Natalia Romanova made me remember what it was to feel human. And they punished us both for that, in different ways."

For a single frozen instant, shock halts his thoughts entirely, and everything on the display stills.

--compromised compromised compromised caught trapped Natasha no don't hurt her don't no, no Natasha, no--

In the next, Bucky screams in agony, his back arching violently as his right hand slams convulsively into the glass in front of him.

[from_the_outside]

Natalia Romanova –

He'd only started to trust her when she'd told him they had friends in common. Peggy Carter, and –

That agonized howl chills her right down to the bone, and she almost drops her mug, sets it down with shaking hands at the last second. She can almost feel the shock of his hand against the glass like it's beating against her own ribs. "Shuri –!"

She's gone white to the lips, and even Shuri looks strained, her fingers flying as she works. "I know," she says, grimly, while Sharon looks helplessly on, her fingers clenching and relaxing at her sides.

There's nothing to fight. Nothing to shoot. No one to bully into doing the right thing. There is only Bucky, alone with his thoughts, and Shuri working as fast as she can, and that scream burrowing deep into her ears, into her chest, into God only knows how many nightmares to come.

[nerves_of_ice]

On the display, the image continues to light up, bright white lights flaring to indicate cognitive overload as connections start to form faster and faster with the jagged randomness of lightning. Shuri fights to keep the scan stable so that all of this will be worth something, even as she taps in an override code for the recording and switches another one into play.

"Bucky." It's Steve Rogers' voice, his actual voice, not the smooth and kind narrator who'd been speaking until now. "Shuri asked me if I wanted to record a message for you while you were in cryo, and of course I said yes." A soft chuckle echoes through the room. "But now I don't know what to say. I guess - don't stay under too long this time, you hear me? We've both slept long enough."

In the chamber, Bucky stills, his hand falling back to his side as his expression twists. He's silent, listening, his breathing too rapid but starting to slow.

"I'll see you soon, Buck. Hang in there. Remember - I'm with you until the end of the line."

"It worked," Shuri murmurs, watching the display and the data readouts scrolling across it. "Bucky. Bucky, can you hear me?"

It takes him a second, but then he answers, his voice a low rasp but still clear.

"Yeah, Shuri, I copy. I hear you. That was a hell of a trip down memory lane." He keeps his eyes closed. "Are we done yet?"

[from_the_outside]

Steve's voice is deep and warm and clear; he could almost be in the room with them. Sharon watches as what she can see of Bucky relaxes inch by inch until his hand drops and his breathing slows.

She looks at Shuri at Bucky's question – surely Shuri isn't going to put him under again, not after that – and Shuri nods, faintly. "Yes," she decides. "You did very well, there will be plenty of data for me to analyze. How do you feel?"

Terrible, probably. That's Sharon's guess, anyway. For her part, her hand is closed so tightly she can feel her nails biting into her palm as she holds herself back from going straight to that metal and glass contraption and finding a way to get to him.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I've felt worse," he says, a little wryly. "Don't worry."

"Why would I?" Shuri teases, and a breath of what might be laughter escapes him. "Keep your eyes closed. I am ending the scan now."

Bucky holds still and keeps his eyes closed as the beams of light spinning around his head slow, then stop, then blink out one by one. The faint light in the chamber fades next, and finally the latch clicks and the glass slides back. He draws a careful breath before he grips the side of the metal and steps out. As he does, he opens his eyes and looks across the room toward them.

[from_the_outside]

As the scan fades, the room lights brighten and the windows shift slowly back to transparency. There's a table nearby with a pitcher of water and several glasses; Sharon goes to fill one so that when he steps out of the chamber she can walk over and offer it with a smile.

"That was quite a light show."

With several elements she won't be forgetting for a long while.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I guess so," he says, as he accepts the water. "Thanks."

He downs half of it before lowering the glass.

Shuri locks in the scan, then dismisses the display image and comes to join them. "I am sorry," she starts, and Bucky shakes his head.

"It's okay. It's a mess in there," he says, tapping the edge of the glass to his temple. "We already knew that."

He's going to have to explain a few things now that he hadn't expected. He knows that, too.

[from_the_outside]

Shuri gives him a sympathetic smile. "The good news is that it worked. I was able to capture quite a few connections I had missed before, and that means we are that much closer to finding an answer."

Sharon realizes she's crossed her arms over her chest, and loosens them, slipping her hands into her pockets instead. "You did good," she tells him, with a faint quarter-smile.

He did. Even if it wasn't conscious, he did great.

[nerves_of_ice]

"That is good news," he tells them, and there's no mistaking the desperate relief that lies deep beneath his words, try though he might to hide it. "Shuri, I can't thank you enough--"

She holds up a hand to stop him, turning her head to the side in rejection of his thanks. "Do not start with this again. I have made you a promise, and my brother has as well. Besides," she continues, mischievously, "do you know how long it has been since I had a real challenge? I should be thanking you!"

[from_the_outside]

She can't help but smile, watching them: Bucky looks relieved even beneath his carefully schooled expression, and Shuri looks triumphant. Maybe the day he can fully trust his mind is still far away, but at least it's a little closer now.

She puts a light hand on his arm. "I'm sure you guys have some things to finish up here. I'm gonna go get you that coffee, okay?"

He deserves some privacy with his doctor after that procedure, and she maybe needs some space to think, herself. She gives Shuri a nod and a smile, and heads back out of the scanning room towards the main lab.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Okay," he says, and watches as Sharon leaves. When he turns his attention back to the room he's actually in, he finds Shuri watching him.

"Soooooooo," she says, smiling brightly. Bucky shakes his head at her.

"No."

"Are you sure about that? Because--"

"No," he says again, this time more firmly. "Sharon's a good friend. That's all."

Shuri rolls her eyes and gives a dramatic huff. "As you will. Here. Hold still for a moment."

He submits to her checking him over without resistance, and is just glad that she's not asking anything else.

[from_the_outside]

She finds her way back out to the main lab without issue, and pokes at the coffee maker until it gurgles and begins percolating into a mug. It takes a little while to brew – Shuri has clearly prioritized quality of coffee over speed – and that gives her a few minutes alone to think.

Natalia Romanova –

Or not think, as the case may be.

Instead, she wanders over to the square of sand and mats, and watches as her sand-self appears and settles into a fight stance. She doesn't throw anything, though, just walks around, watching as sand-Sharon adjusts, shifts her weight, pivots to face her, until the coffee maker beeps and she moves back towards it to put the newly filled mug to one side and set another underneath the spigot.

She may as well have a little more, too.

[nerves_of_ice]

His pulse is a little elevated - understandably so - but everything else is fine. He finishes the water and disposes of the glass before falling in beside Shuri to walk back to the main lab, listening as she tells him what the scan had shown.

"It is working," Shuri is explaining as they arrive. "The things they left are not as complex as your true memories. Once we have traced all of their roots and seeds, that will let us pull them out entirely, rather than disabling them alone."

"Good." It's nearly harsh, how strongly he says it. "I don't want anything left of them, if it's at all possible."

"It will be."

Sharon's standing by the coffee maker, and he glances her way to see if he can get a read on what she's thinking.

[from_the_outside]

The coffee maker has just beeped again; perfect timing as Shuri and Bucky come back into the main lab. She takes the fresh cup and brings it over to him, smiling and easy as any waitress. "Here you go."

It's black. She's never seen him drink anything else.

Once she's handed the mug over, she returns to the coffee station and mixes cream and sugar into her own drink, then wanders back over to the two of them, blowing on her coffee to cool it. "You guys all set?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Thanks," he murmurs, and watches as she withdraws, keeping her distance.

"For now," Shuri says cheerfully. Bucky nods, still watching Sharon over the edge of the coffee mug as he takes a sip, then lowers the mug and looks at Shuri.

"In that case, I'll get out of your way."

[from_the_outside]

He's watching her with a focus she's not sure she likes, and she glances away to grin at Shuri.

"Thanks for letting me stay. And for the –" She lifts her mug. "I don't know what you put in it, but I can't stop drinking it."

"If you want to stay and help me with some research, you can have as much as you want," Shuri promises, and Sharon huffs a laugh. "Um..."

She taps her fingers against her mug, comes to a decision. "You know what, Nakia's already found me here once, and I think she's got my whole week planned out."

She looks over at Bucky, questioning. "You know any good hiding spots where I can elude her for a bit?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Shuri's laughter peals out at that, and she jumps in before he can even try to answer.

"It is funny that you think you can hide from her, but if you want to try, you should definitely not go back to his home," she tells Sharon. "Go somewhere else. Anywhere else. One of the markets perhaps."

While she talks, Bucky finishes his coffee and crosses the room to place the mug in the washer. He stays there as he adds,

"That's a good idea."

[from_the_outside]

A frown flickers between her brows at you should definitely not go back to his home, but she accepts Shuri's laugh with a grin of her own. "I know, I know. There's no escaping her. But in a market, maybe I can give her the slip for a little bit."

She brings her own mostly empty mug to the washer and adds it, then looks up at him, head tipped as she considers him. "Want to come to a market?"

She needs someone to show her the way, anyhow.

[nerves_of_ice]

He considers her in turn for a moment before he nods.

"Okay."

"It is decided," Shuri says, as bright and cheerful as before. "Go, then, before Nakia finds you here instead."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon waves a finger at her. "If you tell on me, I will know."

Shuri, unimpressed with her threat, only laughs and waves them out, and Sharon shakes her head as they walk back out of the lab and towards the train platform. "This is good," she decides. "Maybe I can get some fruit for my room, or something."

A pause, and she looks at him, quizzical. "Do they accept euros, here?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Usually. They've got their own money - the Wakandan dollar, but..." He shrugs. "They've also got an advanced currency exchange system. Like everything else."

There's a train waiting at the platform when they arrive, on a different track than the one that goes to the Citadel. He leads the way to it and leans against an empty wall space, as usual.

"I've got local money, if you want."

[from_the_outside]

"I'm good."

She hardly notices when the train starts up underfoot; they're so smooth here.

And she's watching him. "You know, if you need some time alone to...process, I can find my own way around. That got pretty intense. I'd get it if you'd rather not be around a bunch of people right now."

Or he might prefer it. She really has no idea.

[nerves_of_ice]

He's quiet for almost a full minute, as they pass through the mining area and out of Mount Bashenga into the daylight.

"If that's what you'd prefer," he says, finally.

[from_the_outside]

She frowns at that. "It's not."

He should know that by now, surely. It's not like she's made any secret of her preferred company.

He's leaning against the wall; she leaves her spot and goes to lean on her shoulder next to him, so she can look up at him, sincere and a little bemused. "I'd rather you come with me. I didn't get a chance to see you at all yesterday."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Then I will."

He glances down at her when she settles beside him, studying her expression carefully.

"I thought maybe you'd rather I didn't. Like you said, that was...well. And you had a lot to take in from the other day, too, so--"

He breaks off there and shrugs.