[oom] something in my mind freezes up from time to time

[from_the_outside]

She hardly has any time to protest when Nakia appears like a vengeful storm sweeping into Shuri's lab and hauls Sharon away like a child who has snuck out of bed.

"Nakia –!"

"I will return her once she is ready," Nakia tells Shuri, who looks like she's barely holding back laughter, and then drags Sharon down the short corridor to the train platform, tapping out an order on her Kimoyo beads as she does.

"Do I get to know what's going on?" Sharon complains, and Nakia gives her a flat look.

"Stretch your arms up as high as you can," she commands, and when Sharon hesitates snaps: "Well?"

Annoyed, Sharon does as requested, but can only get her left arm about halfway up before wincing and letting it drop again. "As I thought," Nakia says, patronizing, and ushers her onto the train.

What follows is a series of tests and scans Sharon submits to with poor grace. "I'm fine!" she protests. "It's been six weeks!" But the Wakandan doctors either don't believe her or are too scared of Nakia to ignore her orders, and Sharon finds herself on the business end of a needle or two and several strangely warm lights that do something uncomfortable to the ribs she'd broken and then re-broken.

"Why does it hurt more now?" she complains, and Nakia smiles peaceably. "Because you did not take care of them before and now they must heal properly. You will be fine tomorrow or the day after."

And whatever arguments Sharon makes, she refuses to hear.

---

Nakia keeps her resting for the remainder of the day, feigning deafness when Sharon asks about going either to the lab or to see Bucky, and the evening and night pass without incident. She does manage to see him the next day, but it's brief: Nakia had swept in shortly after sun-up with coffee and breakfast and informed Sharon she would be taking her to meet several of the different tribes. And that it would likely take all day.

So Sharon contents herself with waving to Bucky from a distance as she and Nakia pass by: the children must have been freed from their lessons because they're clamoring around him. She meets a slew of people whose names she tries her best to remember and returns to the Citadel that evening with a few colorful braided and beaded bracelets around her wrist and several yards of beautiful cloth one of the village women had pressed on her. She doesn't know what to do with it; Nakia takes it with a secretive smile and promises to find a purpose.

But the next morning, she's up and out before Nakia can show up with plans again: the doctors had said she would be fine today, and she has somewhere she needs to be. After she's made use of the coffee maker she'd wheedled out of the kitchen staff, showered, and changed, she's heading down the halls of the Citadel to the station.

Shuri had said first thing. They may already be there.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

"It's still hard to believe all of that happened in a week," Bucky muses, as they reach the Citadel and head for the throne room. "And that I slept through it all. Although I guess I've done that before, with other things."

"If you drink much more of my sister's coffee, that will not be an issue," T'Challa informs him, and this time Bucky does laugh, low and quick, before going silent as he drops back to let T'Challa enter first.

"My king," Okoye greets him, the slight sharpening to her glance the only sign of her surprise as she spots Bucky. "M'Baku, leader of the Jabari, is here to meet with you."

"And has been waiting for far too long!" M'Baku booms, before catching sight of Bucky. "What is this? Were you too busy playing with your new dog to remember your duty?"

Bucky doesn't give any sign that he has even heard him as he takes a moment to set the newly-purchased camera down on a table out of the way before taking up position to the side. T'Challa raises his eyebrows at M'Baku.

"If you cannot tell the difference between a dog and a wolf, M'Baku, then that explains a great many things."

[from_the_outside]

The train takes them only about three-quarters of the way there, and leaves them on a platform built over the wide waters of a calm river. Nakia leads the way down to a floating pier and exchanges greetings with a River Tribe member who escorts them onto a small, flat-bottomed boat. A console in the bow lights up in response to a command from Nakia's Kimoyo beads and the boatsman waves cheerfully as an unseen propeller starts up and pushes them smoothly away from shore.

"What do you think?" asks Nakia, once they've left all signs of other people behind, and Sharon takes a deep breath of mellow, river-scented air, and smiles.

"It's perfect."

"It's where I grew up," Nakia explains. "In this river valley, this flood plain. I have made this trip so many times – I am happy now to make it with you."

Sharon nods and leans on the railing, watching the shore float by, until Nakia digs into the basket and comes out again with a bottle of wine. "Time to celebrate your arrival, I think," she says, and Sharon shakes her head with a laugh.

"You throw the best parties."

[nerves_of_ice]

M'Baku's deep belly laugh rolls over the room like thunder. He shakes his finger at T'Challa, then at Bucky, and comes over to stand in front of him. "Well, Wolf, what do you have to say for yourself? Will you try to rip out my throat if I insult your king?"

Bucky stares him in the eye. He has to look up to do so, but it doesn't concern him.

"I didn't come here to fight. But if you start one, I'll finish it."

M'Baku stares back at him, then looks at T'Challa in disbelief before turning back to Bucky. "Like this?" he asks, tapping Bucky on the left shoulder. Bucky doesn't react; he knows M'Baku is looking for exactly that. "Like this, you think you can win against me?"

T'Challa stirs, but Bucky gets there first. "Whether I won or lost wouldn't matter."

M'Baku throws his head back and laughs again. "A Wolf indeed! T'Challa, if this kind of warrior is what you want Wakanda to let in, we might have something to talk about." He turns away and goes to sit in the chair that's been set out for him, entertained and ready to discuss. T'Challa and Bucky exchange a long look, then T'Challa takes his seat on the throne and leans forward to address M'Baku.

Bucky watches them for a moment, then notices that Okoye is watching him. He catches her eye, and is startled to see faint approval in her glance.

[from_the_outside]

She waits until they're both halfway down their first cups of wine – it's light and tastes faintly of gooseberries – before broaching the thing that's been on her mind since the market. "You know, Bucky's going to start thinking you don't like him, if you keep being so cool with him," she says, casually, and Nakia rolls her eyes.

"I like him," she protests. "We all do."

"Then?" presses Sharon.

Her friend shakes her head, mouth pressing. "I like him, for himself. Not for you."

"Nakia, I told you –"

"I know, I know." Nakia lifts a hand to dismiss her protests. "And you are so stubborn! You will not listen to me, you will not even listen to him."

"I listen," Sharon says, so petulantly that Nakia laughs and leans forward to cup her cheek.

"To your own heart, maybe. But perhaps it's time to listen to someone else, for a change." Brightly. "Someone with perspective. And a working brain."

[nerves_of_ice]

The discussion, or negotiation, or whatever it is, goes on for a while. He hadn't been lying when he told T'Challa that he wasn't much for politics. He's seen too much of it, from too many sides, and been the tool of it too many times.

But he has to admit this is a little different. M'Baku is loud and boisterous -- and utterly, utterly straightforward and honest. T'Challa is quieter and more reserved, but just as clearly determined to do what is right and good, not what will give him the most power for power's sake.

By the time it's all over and M'Baku rises to leave, Bucky finds himself thinking that maybe, just once, maybe this time it'll all work out for the best.

[from_the_outside]

"Rude," says Sharon, but Nakia just keeps going. "If everyone is telling you something different than you want to believe, perhaps you should pay attention," she says, not unkindly.

Sharon only shrugs. If everyone in the whole world is telling you to move –

"Just don't take it out on him," she says, after a long moment. "He's not responsible for what I do."

"Who is?" teases her friend, lightly, but she subsides and they sip their wine for a while in silence as the river carries them along.

As promised, the waterfall is beautiful. It truly looks like the river is falling over the edge of the world when Nakia directs the little boat to the shore and they disembark onto sun-warmed grass and a soft dirt path. They spread grass mats at the edge of the drop and set the basket in the middle, but before long someone has dared someone else to jump off the top of the cliff into the pool below, and after that it's only a matter of time before their picnic is abandoned and the air is ringing with shouts and laughter and the boisterous sound of water splashing.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Well," T'Challa says into the silence after M'Baku leaves. "That could certainly have gone worse."

Okoye gives him a disbelieving stare, and Bucky fights a smile. T'Challa grins unrepentantly at them both, then sobers, looking speculatively at Bucky. "Perhaps we could--"

"My king--"

"-- all right, Okoye, yes, I know. After the long afternoon full of many meetings that I have ahead of me," he says, "perhaps we could talk more about this. And other things. Such as how many different pictures it is possible for one man to take of a herd of goats."

"Sounds fine by me," Bucky agrees, amused at that. He reclaims his bag and heads for the door as the next diplomat is escorted in.

Walking back to the lake, he lets the quiet settle in for the first time since arriving at the train station this morning, and starts sifting through everything that's happened today.

[from_the_outside]

Once they've tired themselves out, they climb back up to the top of the cliff, where the now mid-afternoon sun has warmed the grass mats until they smell sweetly of freshly hayed fields. Sharon collapses on one, wringing out the light underthings she'd worn in the water and spreading her hair out behind her head to dry haphazardly in the sun and breeze.

They listen in companionable silence to the sound of the waterfall, the rustle of the grasses, the chirping of unseen insects and singing birds, until Nakia's voice comes again. "Did you get to say goodbye to your family?"

There's a soft sound as Sharon shakes her head, and Nakia's sigh mixes with that of the breeze floating over the water. "You miss them?"

"Yes," Sharon admits, "but it doesn't feel real yet. I've gone longer than six weeks without seeing or talking to them before, but now –?"

Nakia nods at the sky, then rolls onto her stomach and starts searching through the basket. "I'm glad you are here," she says, simply, holding out some napkins and parcels wrapped in waxed cloth, and Sharon smiles, a little rueful, as she sits up to help set their picnic out.

"Me, too."

[nerves_of_ice]

Having the camera helps. He guesses he shouldn't be surprised at that, seeing as how looking at things through the lens both serves to provide distance and control of the visual field. It's part of why he likes photography in the first place.

He lets his thoughts wind back over the morning as he opens the boxes and starts putting together the camera, going back over all of the memories that had surfaced, in the lab and after, consciously and unconsciously. It's a lot.

Natasha. Sharon had suggested he reach out to her. If Nakia's becoming successful in her strategy maybe that's why, but he's not sure. It doesn't really matter, anyway, as he is sure that if there was a chance to return to what he and Natasha had between the two of them, she would have said something after Berlin. Steve had mentioned she'd spent some time with Banner -- which was a hell of a surprise, but maybe there's something there that he's not seeing -- and then there's everything with Barton, too.

"Natalia Alianovna," he murmurs, fondly, as he focuses the lens and takes the first shot, "you never did pick the simple path."

[from_the_outside]

There's so much to catch up on. Nakia listens as Sharon tells her about D.C., about Berlin and the JTTF, about Franche-Comté, about Polygyros, about Leipzig, about Aunt Peggy's funeral and how it all fell apart after.

And when she's finished, Nakia fills her in on everything that happened here the week after Bucky and Steve arrived. The pain in her friend's voice when she describes the ritual combat between T'Challa and Killmonger is still so raw and acute that for a while she stops talking, just holds onto the hand Sharon offers her as they watch the sun begin to sink towards the far-off horizon.

It's just about sunset by the time they've told all their stories and caught each other up to now, and they sip at the last of their wine as the Wakandan sky burns gold and orange and crimson and rose in the west.

But Sharon doesn't mention the morning, or the memories that had surfaced, or how Steve and Rome might factor into this knot she keeps tying around herself.

She's still not quite sure what to do about it yet, and Nakia will only tell her to let him go.

That she knows she doesn't want.

[nerves_of_ice]

The sun is low in the sky when T'Challa finishes the last of his meetings and walks out on one of the open terraces to draw a deep breath. It has been a good day, at least, one that will help to ensure Wakanda's continuing stability at home and leadership in the world, but it has been a very great deal to manage in a single afternoon.

He checks the time. Nakia and Sharon should be on their way back soon, once the light has faded. He should have just enough time to visit Barnes and see if--

"My king." There is tension in Okoye's voice as she steps out on the terrace behind him. "An unidentified jet is approaching Wakandan borders, at great speed, and using stealth technology to remain undetected by others. The shape, it looks ... familiar... to me, but I need you to confirm."

T'Challa swears quietly, under his breath, and taps a bead on his wrist to make a call as he strides back inside.

[from_the_outside]

The sun has set and the first stars are beginning to speckle the night sky as Sharon and Nakia load their things back onto the boat: Sharon mildly sunburned, and Nakia teasing her for her pink cheeks and shoulders as they walk.

"Don't tell me your chemists and dermatologists haven't invented some new kind of sunscreen that lets you sit in the sun without the cancer risk," Sharon chides, and Nakia laughs.

"We have. It's called: 'wearing a hat.'"

Sharon splashes a little river water at her, but Nakia's flashing grin fades a little as her Kimoyo beads chime. Both she and Sharon peer at the hologram of T'Challa which lifts from her wrist.

"What do you want?" Nakia asks, brashly. "We are on our way home. Didn't I tell you not to disturb us?"

"Nakia." T'Challa doesn't sound worried, exactly, but there's tension in his voice Sharon doesn't like. "We have an unexpected visitor."

Nakia quiets, and T'Challa goes on. "It will take you too long to return by river and train. I am sending a flyer for you and Ms. Carter to bring you back to the Citadel."

After the image blinks out, Sharon glances at Nakia, eyebrows lifting. "Should I be worried?"

"I don't know," says Nakia, slowly. "I suppose we will find out. And soon."

[nerves_of_ice]

Shuri meets him in the communications room and joins him at the monitoring station where the holographic image of the jet spins in slow three-dimensional detail between them.

"It looks the same," T'Challa says, and Shuri nods agreement. "But theirs isn't the only one out there. Open a secure channel."

A chime sounds, then another, and then a call window opens to the side of the jet's display. Steve Rogers looks at them through it.

"Your Highness. I apologize for the unannounced approach, but I didn't want to risk being detected by anyone else. I'll understand if I'm not welcome." He sounds apologetic, and very, very rueful.

"Captain Rogers. You are always welcome here." Tension in the room lowers as T'Challa addresses him, and then spikes again at his next question. "Is there trouble? Some danger of which we need to be aware?"

Steve shakes his head, and this time, everyone relaxes, including T'Challa. "No, this is just a personal call. I had the time, and I just..."

Shuri huffs at him as T'Challa smiles. "I think we understand." He turns to his sister. "Bring him to the Citadel. It will be better if as few people realize Captain Rogers is here as is possible."

[from_the_outside]

The flyer proves to be a ship not unlike a smaller Quinjet, and it arrives about twenty minutes after T'Challa's notification. Nakia seems relaxed enough as the ship lands, but when they board it to find two Dora in guard position, Sharon sees a flicker pass over her friend's serenely set features.

"Just a precaution," Nakia tells her, and Sharon has no choice but to nod and do her best to relax as the flyer takes off again, zooming swiftly in the direction of the Citadel.

They're airborne only a moment or two before Nakia's Kimoyo beads chime again, but this time, when the miniature T'Challa looks up at them, it's with a smile.

"Well?" says Nakia, and glances at Sharon. "Is it –"

"It is Captain Rogers," T'Challa says, smoothly, and Nakia makes a startled sound that echoes the one Sharon's brain makes.

"Steve is here?" she asks, bewildered, and T'Challa nods. "He will be here at the Citadel when you arrive. Although...there is no rush. Feel free to go to your quarters first, if you would like to freshen up."

She doesn't know how the holograms can reproduce T'Challa's judgment so mercilessly, but she finds herself trying to comb the tangles out of her windblown, river-washed hair anyway. Nakia tsks and waves him away after a short farewell, then looks at Sharon.

"Captain Rogers has come to visit?"

"Don't ask me," Sharon says, shortly. "I don't know."

The rest of the trip is mercifully quiet.

[nerves_of_ice]

He's mostly gotten the camera in place before the first stars come out, while there's still light enough to see clearly. Bucky had taken a couple of logs from the pile and fashioned a rough stump of a table to use as support, in lieu of a tripod. The night sky here's nice, and he wants -- he wants, just for himself, just to see -- to see what kind of time-lapse images he can capture.

That idea gets tossed aside the instant Shuri comes hurrying over the hill. "Bucky!"

"Shuri." He rises swiftly to his feet, camera forgotten. "What's wrong? Is it--"

"Nothing is wrong," she promises as she reaches him. She lays a reassuring hand on his forearm. "Nothing is wrong. But come with me, quickly. You have a visitor."

"A vis-- " He blinks, and his entire face lights up in a smile. "Steve?"

"Captain Rogers," Shuri confirms. "Now come. He will be landing shortly."

Bucky snatches up his new camera, dumps it unceremoniously on his bed, and sets off with Shuri for the Citadel.

[from_the_outside]

By the time they land back at the Citadel, she's so amped up it's all she can do to keep from pacing back and forth across the little flyer. She's not sure if he's landed yet – or if he'll want to see her – or if she wants to see him –

Well, that's not true. She does want to see him, wants badly to see him and see with her own two eyes that he's okay. It's been a long six weeks for him, too. She feels suddenly and unaccountably guilty that she didn't get him a gift at the market.

But T'Challa's right: she's in no shape for a visit. If Steve wouldn't care, she does, so once they've landed she heads off to her quarters after extracting a promise from Nakia to come get her before she goes to meet Steve and T'Challa. And then once she's there, she only has time for a quick shower and to wrap her hair in a towel Shuri had promised would dry it in a fraction of the time, to sort through the clothes Nakia had given her until she finds something clean and presentable.

The pants have pockets; she slips the package from the market into one. If Steve's here, that means Bucky will be, too. She may as well give it to him tonight. No reason to wait until morning.

Nakia appears, as promised, looking gorgeous and glowing and fashionable and Sharon makes a face at her as they head back into the corridor. "Teach me how to do that," she says, and Nakia laughs.

"Not to worry. Somehow, I don't think I will be the center of attention tonight."

[nerves_of_ice]

He stands with Shuri and T'Challa amid the guards, watching as the Quinjet lands on the flight pad behind the Citadel. As soon as it touches down, Shuri flicks a small disc at it and a wave of energy washes over the aircraft, hiding it from the rest of the world.

The ramp lowers and Steve ducks his head below the flight deck as he descends without waiting for it to fully open. Bucky would know the expression on his face anywhere - that's the 'better to ask forgiveness than permission' look that used to get them both in so much trouble, and he finds himself giving Steve a wry look of his own in turn.

Steve flashes a smile at Bucky, but turns first to T'Challa. "Your Highness. Thank you again."

"Captain Rogers. You are welcome. Come," he says, as Bucky comes forward and Steve pulls him into a quick hug. "Let us all go inside, where there are fewer curious eyes to see."

Bucky catches Steve's glance around at the others, and asks T'Challa what his friend can't.

"Are Nakia and Sharon back yet?"

"I have sent word," T'Challa promises. "They will be here soon."

[from_the_outside]

"Where are we meeting them?" Sharon asks, as Nakia walks them along the graceful Citadel halls, and Nakia checks her Kimoyo beads.

"Not far," she says, cheerfully. It's all she says, so Sharon concentrates on keeping up and wishing her hair would dry a little faster. It's still slightly damp and drying in haphazard curls on her shoulders and her cheeks are very pink from a combination of sun and exertion when they round a corner and Nakia ushers her into a slightly smaller version of the garden room she'd seen before. This one has a few water features and a fire pit surrounded by comfortable-looking chairs and climbing vines.

It also has T'Challa, Shuri, Bucky...and Steve Rogers, larger than life and looking pleased as punch to see her.

"What a nice surprise," she says. It feels like she can't stop smiling, and when he comes to give her a hug, she hugs him tightly back, pleased that her stomach seems to have decided to quit its antics around him.

But it is good to see him.

Letting go, she takes a few steps back and grins at him. "Couldn't stay away, huh?"

She gives in then and looks over at Bucky, searching for the happiness she knows she'll see in his face: she's never had a best friend, but if she had, she's still not sure she'd understand the depth of the bond they share. "It's not your birthday, is it?" she teases.

[nerves_of_ice]

"March," Bucky says, laconically, from where he's half-perched on the arm of one of the chairs, looking perfectly at ease and content with the world, and Steve laughs. "Well, we've got a few decades worth of those to catch up on anyway."

"Why did you come?" Shuri asks, all curiosity and scolding at once. "Without warning like that - you frightened us half to death!"

T'Challa gives her a sharp look. "What? It's true," Shuri protests, but subsides as Steve turns to face her, abashed. "I'm sorry. I should have sent word, called ahead, something, but -- Sharon was right." His glance slides to her. "I couldn't stay away."

"Of course you couldn't," Bucky says, quiet and certain, and Steve turns to him. The two of them trade a look, Steve's a little searching, Bucky's steady and sure.

[from_the_outside]

She suddenly wishes she and Nakia had decided to bring another bottle of wine on their trip, because she's certain she could use the fortification.

Not that she thinks she sees too much of a pining lover in Steve's steady blue eyes. There is something, something different than before, but it isn't that. It's more like...he's waiting for something. "Well, whatever the reason, it's nice to see you," she says. "In the flesh, I mean. Plus, it means Nakia and I got to fly back from the falls, and that was pretty cool."

She's been moving as she talks, and she winds up positioning herself near where Bucky's perched himself on the arm of the chair. "Hey," she says, smiling just because it's so nice to see him looking so content.

"Did you try out the new camera yet? How is it?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Pretty nice so far. I'll try it on night shots later," Bucky tells her, then looks to Steve. "Picked up a new camera in the market this morning, after the latest round of lab scans," he explains, knowing full well that'll distract his friend.

He's right. Steve's attention focuses sharply on him, and then shoots to Shuri with the precision of a laser sight. "New scans?"

Shuri nods. "Sharon brought the notebooks the JTTF claimed," she explains, and recognition lights Steve's glance. "We are using them to explore the links and find the traps buried in memory." She makes a face. "Some are more successful than others."

"It's not so bad," Bucky reassures her - well, everyone, he guesses, given the looks he's now getting. Steve eyes him, then turns back to Sharon.

"Anything that helps. Thanks for bringing them."

[from_the_outside]

She's fighting to keep her arms from crossing and wraps one hand around the other wrist to keep from anxiously rubbing at her fingers.

His eyes are so blue. She wonders if they were that color before the serum, too. "I'm just glad I could get them away from the JTTF," she says, soft.

One more strike on her record. One more more choice she'd happily make again and again.

Steve smiles. "Another thing to add to the list," he says, a little ruefully, and earns a quirked half-smile back from her.

"It's getting kind of long," she says, amused, and he chuckles.

But it all feels very...suspenseful. She's not sure how to interact with Steve while Bucky is here watching, knowing that his bias will interpret any friendly sign as something else, and she doesn't want to hurt Steve, either.

If Bucky's right. Which she's not convinced of.

Add T'Challa, Nakia, and Shuri to the mix and her conversational ability feels pretty well dried up. "But the things Shuri's doing with those journals are amazing."

[nerves_of_ice]

"My sister is very talented," T'Challa agrees. He's seated himself by Nakia, and is holding one of her hands loosely in his.

"I'll say," Bucky replies. "Even if I don't understand the half of it. It's the weirdest feeling. At one point I could have sworn we were at the Dodgers game - my birthday that time, remember, when the season opener was so early?"

Steve's face lights up with the recollection and with something more. "So you remember that?" he asks, softly, and Bucky nods. "It's all there. In pieces still, a lot of it, but it's there." He smiles, making it easy, making it relaxed. "How long you got? I could tell all the old stories, let Sharon know what you were really like as a kid," he offers, and Steve smiles at that.

"I wish. But I have to get back before dawn," he tells everyone, with a nod for T'Challa as he adds, "Earlier, if needed, to stay under your radar. Nat promised she'd never let me live it down if I got us caught on a field trip."

Bucky grimaces at that. "Better believe it."

[from_the_outside]

She doesn't like feeling this way about her friend. Doesn't like the way her stomach twists and her jaw tenses, because for one thing, jealousy doesn't look good on anyone, and for another...

She never cared before, when she only had her best guess. Why care now, when she knows for sure?

Honestly, she wishes it were something as simple as jealousy, which could be named and dealt with. But this, it's all tied up with anxiety and uncertainty and it's just one more complicated factor in a situation which she desperately, desperately needs to simplify. It's a Gordian knot and she is just looking for a sword.

But she doesn't let any of it cross her face as she smiles at the two of them, shaking her head at them. "You can just tell me those stories anyway," she reminds Bucky, a little archly. "And then I'll have plenty of ammunition for next time. And Steve can tell me all the embarrassing things you left out about yourself."

[nerves_of_ice]

"There's that," Bucky says, lightly, and Steve agrees, "That's a deal. For next time."

He's looking at Sharon with open curiosity now.

"How long are you planning to stick around?"