[oom] something in my mind freezes up from time to time

[from_the_outside]

She hardly has any time to protest when Nakia appears like a vengeful storm sweeping into Shuri's lab and hauls Sharon away like a child who has snuck out of bed.

"Nakia –!"

"I will return her once she is ready," Nakia tells Shuri, who looks like she's barely holding back laughter, and then drags Sharon down the short corridor to the train platform, tapping out an order on her Kimoyo beads as she does.

"Do I get to know what's going on?" Sharon complains, and Nakia gives her a flat look.

"Stretch your arms up as high as you can," she commands, and when Sharon hesitates snaps: "Well?"

Annoyed, Sharon does as requested, but can only get her left arm about halfway up before wincing and letting it drop again. "As I thought," Nakia says, patronizing, and ushers her onto the train.

What follows is a series of tests and scans Sharon submits to with poor grace. "I'm fine!" she protests. "It's been six weeks!" But the Wakandan doctors either don't believe her or are too scared of Nakia to ignore her orders, and Sharon finds herself on the business end of a needle or two and several strangely warm lights that do something uncomfortable to the ribs she'd broken and then re-broken.

"Why does it hurt more now?" she complains, and Nakia smiles peaceably. "Because you did not take care of them before and now they must heal properly. You will be fine tomorrow or the day after."

And whatever arguments Sharon makes, she refuses to hear.

---

Nakia keeps her resting for the remainder of the day, feigning deafness when Sharon asks about going either to the lab or to see Bucky, and the evening and night pass without incident. She does manage to see him the next day, but it's brief: Nakia had swept in shortly after sun-up with coffee and breakfast and informed Sharon she would be taking her to meet several of the different tribes. And that it would likely take all day.

So Sharon contents herself with waving to Bucky from a distance as she and Nakia pass by: the children must have been freed from their lessons because they're clamoring around him. She meets a slew of people whose names she tries her best to remember and returns to the Citadel that evening with a few colorful braided and beaded bracelets around her wrist and several yards of beautiful cloth one of the village women had pressed on her. She doesn't know what to do with it; Nakia takes it with a secretive smile and promises to find a purpose.

But the next morning, she's up and out before Nakia can show up with plans again: the doctors had said she would be fine today, and she has somewhere she needs to be. After she's made use of the coffee maker she'd wheedled out of the kitchen staff, showered, and changed, she's heading down the halls of the Citadel to the station.

Shuri had said first thing. They may already be there.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"Until I wear out my welcome, I guess," she says, just as light. "It's pretty nice not to have to be watching my back every second of the day and night."

Her fingers start rubbing together; she stops them with an effort. "Why?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Steve nods at that, just as Nakia says, firmly, "You are welcome as long as you wish to stay." Beside her, T'Challa nods agreement.

"Just wanted to make sure," Steve adds. "If you were looking for somewhere else to go..." He shrugs.

Bucky's eyes narrow, just slightly, intent on his best friend.

"Are you setting up a network?"

[from_the_outside]

"Nothing formal," says Steve, and looks back at her. "You're smart and resourceful, and good in a fight. If you want, we could use you on the team. Sam and Nat think so, too," he adds, hurriedly, as Sharon's mouth drops slightly open in surprise.

"Thanks," she says, after a pause that feels too long. "But I think I'm...more useful here, for the time being."

Belatedly she realizes she's glanced at Bucky; she looks hurriedly to Nakia for support, gestures to her and Shuri. "I've already got some assignments from these two."

"Yes," Shuri pipes up. "You cannot take her unless you replace her with someone else willing to turn invisible and try to climb walls."

"What?" says T'Challa, with a sharp look, but Shuri only blinks wide-eyed innocence at him.

For his part, Steve chuckles and lifts a hand. "It sounds like you're all set," he says, amused. "That's great."

She smiles, herself, relieved. "I'm sure you three will find a way to muddle through somehow," she says, and he smiles back.

"We always do."

[nerves_of_ice]

He's gone too still, he knows, and can only be grateful that he doesn't react when Sharon glances at him for -- an opinion? Support? Whatever it is, he somehow keeps his expression neutral, and she turns to Nakia and Shuri instead.

And then she turns him down, turns Steve down, and Steve --

Bucky watches him carefully for any sign of disappointment, and is surprised to find nothing more than calm acceptance. In anyone else, he'd just think it was well-hidden, but this is Steve Rogers... who's looking at him, he realizes.

Bucky manages to shrug, and raises his eyebrows in a 'your guess is as good as mine' expression, and Steve chuckles, very softly. There's a moment that hangs between them, and then he adds,

"You're looking better every day, Buck," he says, and this time T'Challa's the one who laughs.

"You are not the only one who thinks so. He very nearly ended up championing Wakanda against the Jabari earlier today."

[from_the_outside]

"Wait, what?" Sharon nearly laughs in surprise. Nakia smacks T'Challa's arm.

"Of course there was no actual fight," he says, offended that she would think so, but she shakes her head at him forbiddingly.

"M'Baku?" Sharon asks, and T'Challa nods. She smiles a little to herself: M'Baku might be big, but there's no doubt in her mind who'd win that fight. "I can't believe we missed all the excitement."

"Not exciting," Shuri says, playing with her Kimoyo beads. "Very boring. Talk, talk, talk, talk. It is why I stay in the lab."

"That, and because you are not supposed to be involved in negotiations," T'Challa reminds her, and she shrugs.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Shuri's right, it wasn't that exciting," Bucky promises - mostly to Steve, who's giving him a skeptical look, but a little to Sharon as well.

"Big guy, a lot of hot air, a lot of posturing, uses his size and strength to make a point, you know the drill." He shrugs again. "But a decent guy, seems like, all the same."

"You have summarized him well," T'Challa observes.

"Part of my skill set," Bucky answers, deliberately light.

[from_the_outside]

She still wants to fight him. And she's pretty sure Bucky can see that thought in her face, when she's tamping down her amused smile.

"And the rest of the afternoon was very productive," T'Challa says, easily, manfully ignoring the way Nakia is poking at his ribcage.

"Because Okoye made you stay and work?" she asks, cunning, and he sighs. But nods.

That leads to another peal of laughter and Shuri ragging on her brother, and after a little while, Sharon relaxes enough to finally take a seat, and Steve does, too. It's nice to have him here, she thinks, eyes warm as she listens and watches him and Bucky, how Bucky's eyes light up when he looks at his friend, the relief in the set of Steve's shoulders when he's watching Bucky in return.

It's nice. Nice enough that for a little while, she stops worrying about what Bucky thinks or Steve thinks and just lets the evening wash over her with laughter and stories and all the things she'd thought for a while she'd never really be able to have again.

[nerves_of_ice]

They haven't had enough moments like this, Bucky thinks, listening as Steve tells them all about Sam Wilson's never-ending quest to introduce him to different kinds of music. Not since the war; certainly not since Steve brought him back to himself. And most of those that they have had have been here in Wakanda.

Whatever's brought Steve here tonight - and he doesn't for a single second believe that it's just a 'field trip' or that he was just in the neighborhood - he's grateful for it.

Shuri peals out a laugh, promising to help Wilson with all kinds of other music and to introduce Steve to 'memes' besides, and for a moment he and Steve catch each other's glance and grin, and everything else just peels away.

[from_the_outside]

He looks so happy, she thinks, and doesn't worry too much which man she's thinking it about, because it's true for both.

And not only them: they're all having a good time. She certainly is, to the point where it takes three jaw-cracking yawns in a row for her to realize that it's getting kind of late, and that she'd been up much earlier than usual for a more stressful morning than usual and topped it all off with more sun than she's gotten in a single day in...years, probably.

"I'm so sorry," she says, laughing at Shuri's mock-outrage (it was Shuri's story she'd accidentally yawned at). "I am fading fast." Standing up, she shakes her head and laughs when she yawns again. "It's past my bedtime. Goodnight, kids."

And...she wants to give Steve and Bucky as much time together as possible. Of course neither of them seem to mind being with everyone else, but...

Well, if she could have one more evening with Aunt Peggy, she's pretty sure she wouldn't want to share her the whole time.

[nerves_of_ice]

Steve stands as well, immediately.

"I'll walk you to your room," he says, and Bucky deliberately settles a little more deeply against the chair he'd finally slid the rest of the way into a while back.

Nakia glances at him, and he smiles at her, very slightly, almost unseen.

[from_the_outside]

She huffs a little laugh, but nods, capitulating. "Okay. Probably for the best. Very dangerous halls, here."

She lifts a hand to the group and tries not to read too much into Bucky's expression, then smiles at Steve when he gets the door for her. "What a gentleman," she says, and his laugh follows them out.

It's an easy, comfortable walk, and she can't help but think of London and Aunt Peggy's funeral, and two glasses of sauvignon blanc.

It feels like a lifetime ago.

He asks her about the last six weeks and she tells him without sugarcoating or too much detail, and he's genuinely pleased when she tells him about her first few days in Wakanda. "It's an amazing place," he says, sincerely. "And King T'Challa is a good man. A great man, even. I'm glad he's offered you a place here."

"Me too," she says, softly, and smiles at him when he offers her his arm.

Their steps slow a little as they near her room, and he begins to sound a little distracted, and she's not surprised at all when, once at her door, he hesitates.

Something's clearly on his mind; she just waits until he meets her eyes again with those earnest blue ones. "About...when we met you in Leipzig," he begins, and she nods. "When you dropped off the gear."

"I remember," she says, gently, and he chuckles, abashed.

"Sharon...I wanted to..." His gaze drops, then levels on her again. "When I kissed you goodbye."

"I remember that, too," she says, smiling slightly, and he laughs.

"Right."

[nerves_of_ice]

It's harder than Steve thought it would be, somehow. He's still not used to having this kind of a conversation, not with someone who matters like Sharon does. He probably never will be, and guesses that's just as well.

"Um," he starts. "It's just. I just, I wanted to--"

Ohhh, Carter's got a crush! Nat had exclaimed when he'd hung up the call two days ago and brought them up to speed. Sam's elbow to her ribs had been quick but not quick enough.

He'd given himself almost eight hours to think about it before he'd cornered her to ask if she was serious, and the better part of the day that followed to make up his mind.

"--apologize," he settles on, finally, and meets Sharon's eyes. "For being late. For..."

He's not sure he's ever felt this awkward, except maybe with Peggy, and well, that's part of it all, isn't it?

"... it was a really nice kiss. But."

[from_the_outside]

"Don't apologize." Her mouth presses, wry, and she nods as she holds his gaze. "It was a nice kiss," she says, gently, and then glances away and back again.

"But."

Maybe in another life. She keeps thinking that about him, but for good reason. She smiles ruefully at him again. "Timing is everything."

In that other life, maybe the timing wouldn't have mattered so much. Maybe she would love him and he would love her and they'd be what Bucky keeps insisting they are.

But she's not in that life. She's in this one, where she and Steve are standing at her door, seeing each other clearly as all those possibilities slowly fade away like fog under a morning sun.

And it's okay. A little sad, maybe.

But that's okay, too.

[nerves_of_ice]

"It really is. And I guess it just wasn't on our side."

Steve smiles back at her, just as rueful at first but then shifting into something warm and open and friendly, and reaches to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear before he lets his hand drop.

"I meant what I said about joining the team, though, if you change your mind. But I kind of have this feeling that you've got plenty to occupy you right here."

[from_the_outside]

She smiles at the touch of his hand. "Thanks. But you're right. There are some things I need to see through here. And I'm pretty sure it's going to be all the challenge I need, at least for a little while."

He knows, she thinks. It's hardly a surprise. Steve's far from the blunt duffer so many think he is: he's sharp as a tack and good with people. He can put two and two together and get four as easily as anyone else. "If I change my mind, I'll let you know."

She takes a deep breath, and offers out her hand, palm up and hopeful. "Friends?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Friends," he says firmly, as he takes her hand in his and holds on for a moment. His smile is bright, now, and more than a little teasing. "And I don't know if you've noticed, but I stick by my friends."

Steve squeezes her hand gently before he lets go. "Good night, Sharon. It was really good to see you. Call if you need anything, okay? Or if you just want to talk."

[from_the_outside]

"Just one of your many fine qualities," she teases back, and smiles at him, a little wry.

"I'm sure I will."

She looks at him for a moment more, warm and pleased, then pushes up onto her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Good night, Steve," she says, and cracks open her door. "Take care of yourself, okay? I've still got that protective detail perspective. Stay safe."

He nods, and she smiles at him a last time before opening her door and disappearing into the room beyond.

[nerves_of_ice]

When Steve returns, Bucky's deep in consultation with Shuri on how to pick the exact right memes to send Sam Wilson for the greatest possible impact, by which he means as much annoyance as humanly possible. Both T'Challa and Nakia are looking on, amused and resigned in varying degrees.

"Oh! And this one!" Shuri projects something labeled 'Millennial Falcon,' and Bucky grins. "Sure, why not?"

He glances up as Steve comes back in, trying to get a read on him. He seems pleased about something, which is probably a good sign. Bucky's glad. He is.

"Captain Rogers!" Shuri calls, and pulls up another image. "I have so many things for you to share with your friend Sam."

Steve shoots Bucky a very suspicious look, and Bucky does his best to look innocent.

[from_the_outside]

She barely thinks about her nighttime routine as she goes through it, changing into soft sleep clothes and brushing her teeth. Her mind is too busy chewing on that brief conversation with Steve in the hall by her door.

Brief, but...big, she thinks. After all, he's proved her right: he cares about her, but not in the way Bucky thinks he does. And maybe he's a little sad, the way she is, about their missed opportunity, but that didn't seem to be his main concern.

If he knows, or guessed, then she can imagine what he'd wanted to suss out. The only person more protective than Bucky Barnes in regards to Steve Rogers is Steve Rogers in regards to Bucky Barnes.

So even though she's tired, she doesn't go to bed yet, just curls up in the armchair and leans her chin on her hand, watching the shattered glass art spin slowly on its wire, catching the moonlight and reflecting it along all its fault lines and gold wire and gray metal, and letting her thoughts spin slowly along with it until they unwind enough for her to be able to sleep.

[nerves_of_ice]

He bides his time, while Steve takes up a seat on the chair nearest his own and listens with polite attentiveness to Shuri's animated explanation. They have time, after all - a little while yet. Eventually he'll have the chance to ask what brought Steve here in the first place.

"I have met Sam Wilson," T'Challa observes. "Briefly. He has quite the sense of humor."

"That he does," Bucky agrees, very dry. "He'll be the first to tell you about it, too."

[from_the_outside]

Steve relaxes into his chair, chuckling. "All I know is that I pronounced 'gif' wrong one time and he hasn't let me hear the end of it since. You wouldn't believe the amount of senior citizen material he has up his sleeve."

Sam speaks his mind without fear of judgment or reprisal, and he respects that. It's a good quality in a friend and a useful one in an ally.

That doesn't mean he's going to pass on Sam's message to Buck, just because Sam said it. It seems like the right call to make.

[nerves_of_ice]

"He called my habit a 'cat costume'," T'Challa points out, and Shuri shrieks, while Bucky chokes back a laugh. "He did not! A costume? Please," she sniffs.

"I'm almost sorry I missed that," Bucky says. "Almost."

[from_the_outside]

Steve grins.

"If it helps," he says, knowing full well Sam would kill him for this, "whoever logged his wings at the JTTF labeled them 'bird costume'."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Oh, it helps," Bucky assures him, while Shuri starts laughing again and T'Challa looks smug. "It helps a lot."

[from_the_outside]

Steve laughs and shakes his head. "He can never know I told you that," he warns.

...It's probably for the best not to tell them about Sam's near pet-owner levels of affection for Redwing.