[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Comments

[from_the_outside]

The thing is, she knows he'd try. In order to keep from hurting her further, she knows he'd try. If he can. Even if he didn't feel any of it anymore.

"People change," she murmurs. "Even without HYDRA messing around in your head, maybe it would have changed for you anyway." She casts about desperately for something else to say, some liferaft of a topic. "What didn't you say, before? When you left me a – ?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes his head, but doesn't say anything at first. It takes him several long seconds to find his way to the words. Should he tell her? Would it help or only make things worse?

He doesn't know. But he can't see how lying would make things any better.

"A widow," he whispers. "Is what I was going to say. Before."

[from_the_outside]

She blinks at him, startled.

It's not that she hadn't felt that way, but... "We weren't married."

[nerves_of_ice]

"That's why I didn't say it." His glance drops from her face to her hands. "I told you. I don't - some of what I remember's a little mixed up."

[from_the_outside]

"I know, but..."

But that's quite a thing to mix up. "You'd asked me to come back to Brooklyn, but that was all."

[nerves_of_ice]

He takes a slow, careful breath. "That was all, for then," he clarifies, and finally looks back up at her.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon swallows, hard, as new loss crashes over her. She'd mourned the life she didn't get to have, back then, with him, but she hadn't had any idea anything like this had ever crossed his mind.

She breathes deep and blinks quickly a few times, then gives him a small, sad, crooked smile. "Well, I would have said yes," she murmurs. "For the record."

[nerves_of_ice]

He hesitates, then reaches for her left hand with his right, very slowly, each small movement careful and deliberate. Bucky cradles her hand in his and looks down at it as he brushes his thumb over her fingers, just once.

"I won't hold you to it now," he murmurs. "But I'm ... it's good to know. Thank you."

[from_the_outside]

He brushes his thumb over her knuckles, and she wonders if he's seeing the same might-have-beens that are vibrant and clear in her own mind. After a moment, she turns her hand and curls her fingers around his.

"Well, maybe we put a pin in it for a little bit," she says, aiming for a lighter tone despite the thick ache in her throat.

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods, unable to speak, and doesn't let go of her hand. After another few moments of silence, he looks back up at the sky again.

"You must have liked growing up here."

[from_the_outside]

"I really did."

She keeps her hand in his, and looks out over the yard. "I've always loved this house. I'm really happy I finally got to show it to you, after all."

[nerves_of_ice]

"You showed me a picture of it before, didn't you?" He glances over at her.

[from_the_outside]

"Yes."

He'd called it a mansion. She looks at the house, trying to see it through his eyes. "Right before I took a picture of the both of us."

[nerves_of_ice]

He blinks, startled, and then his eyes suddenly widen as memory slams into him. "Magic camera," he whispers.

[from_the_outside]

She blinks, surprised, then smiles. "Yeah, that's what you said. You loved it."

[nerves_of_ice]

For a moment, he can not only remember what it felt like, but he feels it again. The surprise followed by wonder, something that he thinks was joy and delight - feelings he hasn't known in so long he's forgotten them almost entirely.

Bucky closes his eyes for a second, trying to hold on to them before they slip away.

[from_the_outside]

His expression shifts, and for a moment he looks younger, lighter, as he closes his eyes. Sharon twines her fingers with his, unable to look away from his face.

"There you are," she murmurs. "Hi, baby."

[nerves_of_ice]

He doesn't want to open his eyes, doesn't want to see the grief and sorrow in hers. It's selfish as hell, but he lets himself hide in his self-imposed blindness for a few seconds longer as he squeezes her hand.

"Hi," he whispers, and remembers what she'd said before that she wanted him to call her again. "Angel."

[from_the_outside]

It's the smallest of things, a single memory, and they're only scratching the surface. But he'd said he didn't remember that man, and this means that maybe that doesn't have to be true forever.

Her smile flickers more warmly as he calls her by that pet name, the one she hasn't heard in so long. "If I had my phone on me, I could show you that photo."

[nerves_of_ice]

This time he does open his eyes, from sheer surprise. Bucky stares at her.

"You still have it?"

[from_the_outside]

"Of course."

As if she would ever, could ever have gotten rid of that photo. "It's the only picture I have of the both of us."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I didn't go through your photos," he explains. "I just deleted those last two pictures and recorded that video. I didn't... I thought I shouldn't invade your privacy any more than I already had."

[from_the_outside]

"It's okay," she murmurs. "I'll show it to you."

Her phone is in the house, up in her room, but she can show it to him in the morning. She doesn't want to leave this spot with him just yet.

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods, but makes no move to stand. Unconsciously, his hand tightens a little on hers, as if to keep her here with him.

[from_the_outside]

"In the morning," she clarifies, as his hand tightens on hers. She gives him a sweet smile.

"Or when we go back inside. No rush."