[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

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[nerves_of_ice]

He closes his eyes for a moment, trying to hide the pain in his own. "I'm sorry," he whispers again, helpless to do anything but.

[from_the_outside]

"Bucky, no." She can't hear the agony in his whisper and ignore the flash of it in his eyes before he closes them and not move, not go to him. She comes forward and cradles his head in her hands. "It's going to be okay."

[nerves_of_ice]

He's aware when she moves, due to the shift of air around her and the whisper of her clothing, but he still nearly startles backward when she takes his face in her hands. He opens his eyes, surprised, and stares at her.

"Will it?"

[from_the_outside]

"Yes. And you want to know why?"

She doesn't let go, only looks up into his face with her own gaze steady and determined. "Because you and I will make it be okay. And Steve is the most stubborn man alive, but I can match him any day for sheer bullheadedness. And I refuse to imagine a world where we don't get through this."

She lifts her eyebrows at him, expectant. "Okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He searches her face, and although he couldn't explain what he sees there, it causes some of the tension in his body to fade.

"Okay," he says, soft but clear. "I believe you."

[from_the_outside]

"Okay," she murmurs, and gives him a small smile. "We'll work on the carrying thing. But for now, I think we both need some sleep."

[nerves_of_ice]

"You're probably right about that." He's sure she is about herself, anyway, and he should at least try.

Bucky shifts a little, prepared to move to her side and walk her back.

[from_the_outside]

She waits until he's come to her side, then slips her hand into the crook of his elbow, where she's rested it so many times before. "All I know is that if we don't try, Steve will be disappointed in both of us in the morning."

[nerves_of_ice]

The corner of his mouth twitches a little. "We can't have that."

Bucky bends down enough to snag his jacket from the ground and carries it loosely in his other hand as he starts to walk with her back toward the house.

[from_the_outside]

She wonders if Steve's been asleep this whole time, or if he's just decided to give them a few moments alone. Or... an hour, or however long it's been. Either way, she's careful to open the door as quietly as possible before heading with Bucky back inside.

[nerves_of_ice]

He drapes the jacket over the back of a kitchen chair as they pass through and leaves it there to dry, then walks with her up the stairs, moving as silently as possible.

If Steve's still asleep, he doesn't want to wake him.

[from_the_outside]

When they reach the door of the guest room where Bucky had been staying, she draws to a halt with him and looks up into his face.

"Please try to get some sleep," she murmurs. "And I will, too."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'll try." It's all he can commit to. Maybe if nothing else he can curl up in the corner and doze.

"Sleep well, Sharon."

[from_the_outside]

"You too."

There's a second where she considers, before she lifts up to kiss his cheek. "Goodnight, Bucky."

[nerves_of_ice]

As she goes back down from her tiptoes, he lifts his right hand - slowly, deliberately, so that she can see and won't be surprised.

Bucky brushes her hair back over her shoulder, cups his hand over the nape of her neck, and hesitates there, studying her.

[from_the_outside]

His fingers brush over her skin, through her hair, and she shivers again but doesn't pull away. Instead, she breathes, and gives him a small smile as her own hands go to his sides.

[nerves_of_ice]

He leans down, maybe testing her, maybe testing himself, and presses a light, gentle kiss to her lips.

[from_the_outside]

She breathes in, sharp, as her heart stutters, and then her hands firm at his sides and she pushes up to kiss him back, sweet and wanting, as everything she's feeling rolls over her in a wave.

[nerves_of_ice]

He'd meant it as a benison, or at least he thinks he had, right before he stops thinking at all.

Bucky falls into the kiss and lingers there, drowning in her.

[from_the_outside]

His lips, his breath, the feel of his hand at the nape of her neck; it all transports her two years and seven decades ago, back to that very last morning, back to the night before. As if she could go back in time and stop him from going on that mission, her hands come up, cradle his head, her fingers threading through his hair as she kisses him again. Her heart is hammering so hard she's dizzy with it, trembling from the force of everything she's feeling, everything she's holding back.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sharon," he whispers between kisses, overwhelmed and humbled by her trust, her emotion. "Sharon."

Bucky tips his head forward when the next kiss breaks, resting his forehead against hers.

[from_the_outside]

"Bucky." He breaks their kisses and everything in her cries out for more, for him, for everything she's been missing and mourning for two years. She runs her fingers through his hair and cradles his head again, trying to catch her breath.

It's made that much harder by the way her chest is cracking open and her heart is aching.

[nerves_of_ice]

His breath shudders in as a shiver runs through him, but manages not to move either toward her or away. "Sharon."

[from_the_outside]

"I loved you more than I've ever loved anyone." It comes spilling out of her like she's lancing a wound, as her fingers shiver in his hair and she tries to catch her own shaking breath. "I still love you. And I know you don't – you don't remember, and things are all in pieces. I'm not telling you because I need you to – expect you to – feel the way you used to, okay?"

She breathes deep and looks at him, her forehead still pressed against his. "I'm giving it to you. It's yours. No matter what else happens or doesn't happen. Just – I just want you to know that. And I won't give up on you."

[nerves_of_ice]

Her confession washes over him like a tidal wave, knocking every support loose and leaving him spinning, at a momentary loss for words.

"Angel." His whisper is barely audible, raw in his throat. "I don't deserve you."