[ Leipzig AU ] forgive my grief for one removed

[from_the_outside]

The cathedral is beautiful. It's filling to the brim with people dressed in black, with flowers, with music. Sharon waits back near the altar, dry-eyed and pale, not a hair out of place as she accepts condolences and murmurs her thank yous.

So many people loved Aunt Peggy. She meant so much, to so many.

Sharon thinks it'll help, eventually, to remember that. Right now it just makes her terribly, terribly sad. So she smiles gently and speaks warmly and keeps her hands clasped before herself, every inch the polite and centered niece, and everyone who leaves her leaves feeling a little comforted in their own grief.

He's here somewhere, she knows: Bucky, up aloft in the bell walkway or the choir loft or crouched like a gargoyle in an alcove somewhere. She can't see him, but she knows he's there, can still feel the way he'd held her when she let him into the hotel room after she arrived.

The organist is playing something lovely and somber, and people are filing into their seats. She takes a last glance at the spot where the coffin will rest, surrounded by flowers, and moves off to the side to wait.

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[nerves_of_ice]

It's been a while since anyone's been in the old walkways behind the stained glass windows. From the amount of dust and pigeon droppings, Bucky's pretty sure that most people have forgotten they even exist.

He jams the door locks to be sure and finds a place where he can see through a bit of clear glass without being observed. The cathedral's nave is filling with people here to honor and remember Peggy Carter, and he's glad to see it. She deserves every bit of it.

Sharon's pale and quiet and composed up near the front. There's nothing he can do for her now, but hopefully the fact that she knows he's here at all will help.

He just wishes he could give Steve some kind of comfort, too.

[marvel_npc]

They're waiting just outside the church when the music starts. The boys' choir is doing a great job, Steve thinks - they sound almost angelic, which is probably the goal. He can't quite remember who they'd been told the composer is, not that it really matters, but it's easier to try to focus on a detail like that than on the weight of the casket on his left shoulder or on the fact that Peggy's gone, this time forever.

(Faurè, he recalls, his mind offering it up without him wanting it to.)

The funeral director or whatever he is gives them the nod, and they start forward into the cathedral. It's crowded, but every face is a blur to him. Steve locks his grief deep inside and focuses on keeping his hold steady and staying in step with the others, carrying Peggy forward toward the spray of white flowers at the front, bearing her toward her well-deserved rest.

[from_the_outside]

She's seated with some distant family near the front of the cathedral, close to the altar so she can slip away, back behind the pulpit, without drawing attention.

She could have stayed back there, but she wanted to stand and pay one last respect as the pallbearers slowly bring Aunt Peggy forward. The coffin is beautifully draped in the flag and covered in white flowers; the music is ethereal and gorgeous.

Full military honors. Nothing but the best for Margaret Carter.

Solemnly, the men bring her forward; carefully, they set her down before the altar. Sharon can see white handkerchiefs lifting to dot at noses and eyes; she can hear people sniffling.

Steve is pale and stoic, his face set and his eyes solemn and sad as he takes his seat in one of the first pews, Sam Wilson beside him.

The priest begins the prayers, and Sharon murmurs along with them, then quietly gets up and goes to the ornately carved door that leads to the passage behind the altar.

She's been over these words so many times in the last day or so. She can only hope she does them justice now.

[marvel_npc]

His shoulders don't feel right in his jacket. He knows it's an illusion, but it doesn't matter. Steve has to keep himself from trying to shrug his left shoulder, trying to feel a weight that isn't there any longer.

He sits in the pew, staring down at the back of the one in front of him, trying to come to grips with a world without Peggy in it and bracing himself to hear whatever it is they're going to say about her. Sam's nudge comes as a surprise. He looks up at him and then follows the other man's nod to see the woman he'd once known as Kate and now knows as Sharon approaching the microphone. Steve stares at her in blank surprise. She's a SHIELD agent, or was, he knows that, but why -- ?

[from_the_outside]

"... would like to invite Sharon Carter to say a few words."

She hears the priest as if in a dream; dreamlike, she climbs the steps to the pulpit and looks out over the nave, filled with people who all look to her as one.

Except Steve Rogers, lost in his own thoughts. She sees Sam Wilson nudge him, sees Steve glance at his friend and then up, sees the surprise fading to confusion in his sad blue eyes.

She exhales, a little shakily, and manages to catch herself before she glances up at the ceiling. "Margaret Carter was known to most as a founder of SHIELD," she begins, her voice clear in the quiet cathedral.

Her glance tracks back to Steve, understanding in her eyes, but no apology.

She's not sorry she never told him. She's only sorry he had to find out this way. "But I just knew her as Aunt Peggy."

[nerves_of_ice]

He can hear every word with perfect clarity. The rest of the people in the cathedral might as well not exist. He watches Sharon stand before them all, watches as Steve looks up at her. Even though he only has a side angle view of Steve, he can see the shock in the way he holds himself, followed by the way he straightens in his seat and sets his jaw. Bucky sighs, his heart hurting for them both.

[from_the_outside]

"She had a photograph in her office," she continues, and finds herself smiling at the memory even as her heart aches in her chest. "Aunt Peggy standing next to JFK. As a kid, that was pretty cool."

There's a few gentle smiles and chuckles as everyone in the church either thinks of the photo she means or remembers a time when they, too, felt that Peggy Carter was the single coolest, most interesting person they'd ever met. "But it was a lot to live up to."

She'd promised herself she wouldn't make this eulogy about one man, even a man as important as Steve Rogers. It's about Aunt Peggy, and her life, and her impact, and Steve – as important a chapter as he was – was still only a small part of that life.

But she finds herself looking to him, anyway. "Which is why I never told anyone we were related."

[marvel_npc]

It sinks through the surprise, through the hurt and betrayal that he tells himself he has no right to feel, and forms a quiet space for understanding deep inside.

She’d known how he’d react, Steve realizes, and had acted to do what she could to explain, even at a time like this. It’s a kindness that she didn’t have to give, and he appreciates it. Some of the tension in him relaxes, and he settles himself to listen with his full attention.

[from_the_outside]

She glances back out over the congregation, all these people here for Aunt Peggy, but it was enough; he understood. "I asked her once how she managed to master diplomacy and espionage in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either."

This isn't the draft she'd worked on while Bucky was there; it's one she'd written after he'd left, thinking over everything they'd talked about.

She still can't speak out; not directly. All she can do is offer a message to the people who need it most. "She said: compromise where you can. But where you can't..."

Her glance goes back to Steve. "Don't."

Even as she lifts her voice to everyone else, as she looks back over the crowd, she's speaking to him. "Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move."

Her dark eyes turn back to Steve, and now she feels as though he's the only other person in this enormous church, as though she's speaking to him from only a few inches away. She's lived by this advice, built her career on it, made her own name for herself through it.

She can only hope it helps him as much as it's helped her.

"It is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, no. You move."

[marvel_npc]

Each word sinks in like water in a parched desert. Steve can almost hear Peggy's crisp tones echoing with and through Sharon's, just as if she were standing right there beside her, the message relayed from them both.

Did Sharon know how much he needed to hear this, especially now? He's not sure, but sudden resolve steels him. He'll find her afterwards, to talk, if she'll let him. He wants to know more.

[nerves_of_ice]

Light flows through the stained glass of the cathedral. It makes everything look just a little bit more real, somehow, but also as though they're all in the middle of a dream.

Bucky feels like it's a dream, at least, stunned and staring as Sharon speaks. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right.

Silently, he breathes a thank-you, and continues to listen and watch with every fiber of his being.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon keeps her expression calm and warm, smiling very slightly as she looks out over the gathering of people in black.

Steve isn't the only one who heard her message, she can tell. A few of the higher-ups in the next few pews over murmur something to each other, and she wonders if Ross will be getting a call about her.

Fuck it. "We spent some of our best time together these last few years," she tells everyone. "I asked her, out of all her achievements, which she was most proud of."

She can't help smiling at this memory, even as grief eats at her from the inside out. "She patted my hand, smiled, and said: 'Dear, I'm afraid that's classified.'"

[nerves_of_ice]

The ripple of laughter that runs through the crowd would cover his own soft chuckle, even if any sound had escaped the dusty walkway where he’s perched.

He can just see it, the sharp-edged humor of Peggy Carter’s wit mixed with the mischief that she’d occasionally let show. God, he wishes he’d had a chance to see her again, but it’s likely for the best that he didn’t. Even if not, it’s what is, and there’s no changing it.

[from_the_outside]

Vienna is chaos.

Smoke is coughing up into the sky and the sirens rip into the air. She brings Steve with her as she heads in to take over coordination while a chopper rumbles overhead, pulling her windbreaker on as she goes and issuing crisp orders to the JTTF staff trailing after her.

"Call MI6, see if we can get Micro Forensics to hurry this up. We need the whole team here in two hours or its not worth it."

It's a mess. People are in shock. She sees Prince – King T'Challa on a sidewalk bench, dusty and bloodied and dazed. Uniformed cops are everywhere. And the tips are pouring in. She brings the likeliest ones to Steve, getting his take on how likely they are or aren't to be real, and is pleased that he plays the ruse so well.

(She's not sure when the bogus tip will come in, but she keeps a sharp eye out for it.)

[nerves_of_ice]

He and Sam listen to the updates as they come in, along with the rest of the agents. It sounds like just as much of a disaster as Bucky'd feared.

Natasha's there, he finds out, and Tony Stark's back in Berlin in some sort of communication with Rhodes, whose authorization comes through while they wait.

Bucky trades a look with Sam, and says nothing.

[from_the_outside]

About an hour in, a runner brings in the bogus tip. She studies it – the photo, the comments that came with it, and hands it to Steve.

"This one looks promising to me. What do you think, Captain Rogers?"

[marvel_npc]

He takes the tip and studies it, then nods and hands it back. "I agree. It's the kind of thing I might expect from him."

It gnaws at him, but the deception's in a good cause. He thinks he's better at it than he used to be, at least a little.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon nods at him, then turns to snap an order to her team. "Mobilize the team," she says, and looks back at Steve.

"Time to suit up, Cap. Let's see if you really can bring your old pal in peacefully."

[marvel_npc]

"Just don't jump the gun," he warns. "It'll be harder to get him to listen if people are trying to kill him."

[from_the_outside]

"Don't worry about my people," she tells him. "They'll obey orders. Just make sure they don't have a reason to get aggressive."

[marvel_npc]

"Count on it," Steve informs her. "Ready when you are, Agent Carter."

[from_the_outside]

The team is mobilized and ready to go in no time. Whatever they think or feel about working with Captain America, they keep to themselves. Sharon sees them off site, then returns to her makeshift command center, updating Riley as she goes.

"Good luck," she tells Steve and the team over the communicators. "We'll be sending in a detention team after you. Be careful, everyone."

[marvel_npc]

It would be amusing how inferior the task force's communications technology is when up against that of Wakanda, were he not carrying so much rage in his heart. The Winter Soldier murdered innocents in search of peace, among them his father, Wakanda's king, and T'Challa, the Black Panther, who today has failed in his charge to protect, will not stand for it.

He shadows the team at a distance, invisible to their detection, and waits for his chance to strike.

[from_the_outside]

She redirects Colonel Rhodes to the team's intended location and updates Steve and the rest of the strike team with his ETA. He's moving fast, so he'll catch up with them maybe ten, fifteen minutes after they've made contact.

(Riley had responded with the all-clear. She hopes like hell she hasn't sent him in to be killed by friendly fire.)

[marvel_npc]

The target location is an apartment in a somewhat dilapidated five-story building on the outskirts of Vienna. The strike team sets up at the exits and along the staircase, as well as surrounding the building, prepared to take down the Winter Soldier if he tries to run. Steve leads the way up the stairs, signals the others to wait, and opens the door as silently as he can.