from_the_outside | [ WWII AU ] a ghost story

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

From:

from_the_outside

Her throat works, but she holds herself still with an effort, determined not to flinch away from him again, even as her stomach clenches.

She won't. She can control it. She won't be afraid of him.

From:

nerves_of_ice

He sees her swallow, sees the way she's carrying herself, and knows, he knows that she's fighting every self-preservation instinct to not react.

Pride at her courage and sorrow for her pain threaten to tear apart what's left of his heart. Slowly, gently, he raises his right hand to cup her cheek, and strokes his thumb feather-light over the delicate arch of bone.

"It's okay, angel," he whispers. "You don't have to protect me any more. It's my turn now. Tell Steve I'll be in touch."

In the next instant he's moving, dashing for the window across the room.

From:

from_the_outside

Her heart stops as he reaches up and touches her face, and her eyes almost close at the way his thumb tracks, light as a feather, over her cheek.

Angel, he says, and so the sob is already rising in her chest when he rips himself away from her and flees to the window and he's fast, he's so fast, he's so much faster than her even on her best day and this is far from that. "Bucky, NO – "

The words shred her throat as she cries out, throwing herself after him even though she knows, she knows it's too late. She has to watch him go out the window and disappear, again, and there's no flash of blue light this time but it still feels as though she's been dragged and unceremoniously dumped here and now all over again.

There isn't a single sign of him anywhere outside the window, not even when she leans perilously far out of it, her eyes blurring with tears and her voice choking in her chest. "Come back."

It's too plaintive and too quiet for anyone but her to hear it, and there isn't anyone around anyway. So at least there also isn't anyone around to see her slump to the floor with her back against the wall and her face in her hands as her heart breaks all over again.

Edited Date: 2023-05-14 10:50 pm (UTC)

From:

nerves_of_ice

He hears her call after him as he dives out the window, and the agony in her voice is almost enough to wrench him back around.

Almost. He's doing the right thing - the right thing for her - and that gives him the strength he needs to keep going.

He vanishes along the same path he'd used to get out of sight of Steve right after shooting the Director, and eels up to a nearby rooftop to wait. She shouldn't be alone. It's not safe. He'll keep watch.

Someone has to.

From:

marvel_npc

* * * * *

From what Sam had said, it's about an hour, maybe an hour and a half since Sharon had been discharged from the hospital, but when Nat swings by his house to check in, she's not there.

Stifling her concern for the moment, Nat backtracks to Sharon's apartment. They really have to get her a new phone, she decides, as she climbs the stairs and knocks on her door.

From:

from_the_outside

She doesn't know how long she sits there and sobs, broken down past even what she can take. There's no Steve here to hold her and make sure she drinks water, and no Bucky to wipe away her tears and make her laugh, a thought that only makes her cry harder, until all that's left is her thudding headache and sore eyes and a chest that feels like something's been digging in it with dull claws.

This time, when a knock sounds on her door, she staggers upright and almost runs over to yank it open, hoping –

But it isn't him. It's Nat, looking clean and put-together despite the chaos of the day and night, and Sharon wipes furtively at her eyes, holds the door open. "Hey."

From:

marvel_npc

Oh. That explains it, then.

"Hey," Nat says, as she steps into the apartment. She waits for Sharon to shut the door behind her, then pulls her friend into a fiercely comforting embrace.

From:

from_the_outside

She hiccups a laugh and puts her arms around Nat in return, even as she says: "Ow. I'm still bruised, you know."

Not that she lets go. She doesn't want to.

From:

marvel_npc

"I know. I'll try not to break anything." She doesn't loosen her hold even a little for several seconds, though, and when she pulls back to search Sharon's face she gives her as comforting a smile as she can.

"Come on. Curl up on the couch. I'll put some coffee on, unless you'd rather something stronger."

From:

from_the_outside

"I have to get to Sam's."

It's the only goal she's got. She needs to keep moving forward. Sharon wipes at her eyes again and takes a deep breath. "Or maybe I'd take you up on that something stronger."

Scotch had helped, when she'd been in the first throes of her despair, with Steve down in Virginia. Does she even have any, here?

From:

marvel_npc

"If you'd rather, we can go over there first. He's not planning on leaving the hospital tonight," Nat tells her.

She hopes she doesn't have to point out that she doesn't have any intention of leaving Sharon alone right now.

From:

from_the_outside

Her first instinct is to dig in her heels. She glances at the open window, and forces herself to let go of the thought that he might come back. If he were going to, he would have while she sobbed. "Coffee first," she says, tearing her glance away from the window and looking at Nat.

"Let's not have to try and figure out Sam's coffeemaker in the middle of the night."

From:

marvel_npc

"Coffee it is." She doesn't miss the way Sharon's gaze tracks to the window and back, and files that away for later. "Curl up, get comfy. I'll be right back."

Sharon might feel better with a second or two to compose herself further, after all.

From:

from_the_outside

Getting comfy seems unlikely, especially while she's still in this apartment, but she nods and goes to settle on the couch. From the position she takes, she can keep an eye on the window... while staying well within reach of the Kahr that's still on the coffee table.

From:

marvel_npc

She sets the coffeemaker to brewing and fills two glasses of water while it works. Nat carries them both back and hands one to Sharon without comment.

Well, without much comment, anyway. "Did they give you anything at the hospital that you're supposed to be taking around now?" Or at all. She bets it'll be 'at all,' if Sharon's trying to stay as alert as she suspects.

From:

from_the_outside

"Um – " She forces her thoughts back to the hospital, to the saline drip and the kind but busy doctors. "Nothing much. They said rest and water. Ice packs. The usual."

And look at that: she has a glass of water in her hand. Sharon blinks at it for a second, then lifts it for a deep swallow before she remembers something else and lowers it once more. "How're you feeling?" she asks, concerned. "Those Bites of yours pack a punch."

From:

marvel_npc

Nat grimaces. "They really do. Better than the alternative, though." She lifts her own glass and takes a sip to demonstrate that her hands have stopped shaking.

From:

from_the_outside

Sharon reaches out with her free hand to catch Nat's, curling her fingers around her friend's. "I'm really glad you're okay," she murmurs. "You did amazing, Rome."

From:

marvel_npc

"Same goes. Both parts," she says, just as softly, and squeezes Sharon's hand, and doesn't let go. "But are you okay?"

From:

from_the_outside

She reaches out, and Nat reaches back. She squeezes her fingers, and Nat squeezes back.

They're such simple touches, but they're almost enough to break down again. Her throat closes at the touch of her friend's hand, at her gentle question. She can't quite say the words, so she only shakes her head instead, and lifts the hand holding her glass so she can wipe at her eyes once more with her wrist.

From:

marvel_npc

"Kind of thought not. Hang on a second, okay?" she murmurs. Nat sets her glass down and gives Sharon's hand another quick squeeze before vanishing into the kitchen. The sound of water running in the sink echoes clearly, and then she's back, carrying a clean, dry dishtowel and one that's nice and warm due to having been wrung out under hot water.

She offers both as she sits back down beside her friend, and there's understanding in her glance.

From:

from_the_outside

She accepts the towels with a wry half smile, then carefully dabs at her face with the damp, warm towel. It feels good against her sore eyes, her sore mouth. She lingers with it until it's cool in her hands, grateful for the chance to hide her face, even if only for a little while.

Once it's gone cold, she sets the damp towel aside and gently blots her face dry with the other. When she lifts her glance back up to Nat, her eyes are still sore and red, but her face is a little less flushed, and the streaks of her tears are gone.

From:

marvel_npc

Nat smiles at her and takes the damp towel back to the kitchen. She comes back with two mugs of coffee, one light and sweet and one with milk only, and passes Sharon hers before she sits down again.

"So," she says, gently. "Want to talk about it?"

From:

from_the_outside

Sharon sighs, long and sore. "I don't even know how to start talking about it, Nat."

She wraps her hands around the coffee mug, but doesn't lift it for a sip. "Most of it's classified to hell and back... or was," she realizes. "I guess at least some of it, at least, is out there now, along with everything else."