[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Comments

[marvel_npc]

* * * * *

From what Sam had said, it's about an hour, maybe an hour and a half since Sharon had been discharged from the hospital, but when Nat swings by his house to check in, she's not there.

Stifling her concern for the moment, Nat backtracks to Sharon's apartment. They really have to get her a new phone, she decides, as she climbs the stairs and knocks on her door.

[from_the_outside]

She doesn't know how long she sits there and sobs, broken down past even what she can take. There's no Steve here to hold her and make sure she drinks water, and no Bucky to wipe away her tears and make her laugh, a thought that only makes her cry harder, until all that's left is her thudding headache and sore eyes and a chest that feels like something's been digging in it with dull claws.

This time, when a knock sounds on her door, she staggers upright and almost runs over to yank it open, hoping –

But it isn't him. It's Nat, looking clean and put-together despite the chaos of the day and night, and Sharon wipes furtively at her eyes, holds the door open. "Hey."

[marvel_npc]

Oh. That explains it, then.

"Hey," Nat says, as she steps into the apartment. She waits for Sharon to shut the door behind her, then pulls her friend into a fiercely comforting embrace.

[from_the_outside]

She hiccups a laugh and puts her arms around Nat in return, even as she says: "Ow. I'm still bruised, you know."

Not that she lets go. She doesn't want to.

[marvel_npc]

"I know. I'll try not to break anything." She doesn't loosen her hold even a little for several seconds, though, and when she pulls back to search Sharon's face she gives her as comforting a smile as she can.

"Come on. Curl up on the couch. I'll put some coffee on, unless you'd rather something stronger."

[from_the_outside]

"I have to get to Sam's."

It's the only goal she's got. She needs to keep moving forward. Sharon wipes at her eyes again and takes a deep breath. "Or maybe I'd take you up on that something stronger."

Scotch had helped, when she'd been in the first throes of her despair, with Steve down in Virginia. Does she even have any, here?

[marvel_npc]

"If you'd rather, we can go over there first. He's not planning on leaving the hospital tonight," Nat tells her.

She hopes she doesn't have to point out that she doesn't have any intention of leaving Sharon alone right now.

[from_the_outside]

Her first instinct is to dig in her heels. She glances at the open window, and forces herself to let go of the thought that he might come back. If he were going to, he would have while she sobbed. "Coffee first," she says, tearing her glance away from the window and looking at Nat.

"Let's not have to try and figure out Sam's coffeemaker in the middle of the night."

[marvel_npc]

"Coffee it is." She doesn't miss the way Sharon's gaze tracks to the window and back, and files that away for later. "Curl up, get comfy. I'll be right back."

Sharon might feel better with a second or two to compose herself further, after all.

[from_the_outside]

Getting comfy seems unlikely, especially while she's still in this apartment, but she nods and goes to settle on the couch. From the position she takes, she can keep an eye on the window... while staying well within reach of the Kahr that's still on the coffee table.

[marvel_npc]

She sets the coffeemaker to brewing and fills two glasses of water while it works. Nat carries them both back and hands one to Sharon without comment.

Well, without much comment, anyway. "Did they give you anything at the hospital that you're supposed to be taking around now?" Or at all. She bets it'll be 'at all,' if Sharon's trying to stay as alert as she suspects.

[from_the_outside]

"Um – " She forces her thoughts back to the hospital, to the saline drip and the kind but busy doctors. "Nothing much. They said rest and water. Ice packs. The usual."

And look at that: she has a glass of water in her hand. Sharon blinks at it for a second, then lifts it for a deep swallow before she remembers something else and lowers it once more. "How're you feeling?" she asks, concerned. "Those Bites of yours pack a punch."

[marvel_npc]

Nat grimaces. "They really do. Better than the alternative, though." She lifts her own glass and takes a sip to demonstrate that her hands have stopped shaking.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon reaches out with her free hand to catch Nat's, curling her fingers around her friend's. "I'm really glad you're okay," she murmurs. "You did amazing, Rome."

[marvel_npc]

"Same goes. Both parts," she says, just as softly, and squeezes Sharon's hand, and doesn't let go. "But are you okay?"

[from_the_outside]

She reaches out, and Nat reaches back. She squeezes her fingers, and Nat squeezes back.

They're such simple touches, but they're almost enough to break down again. Her throat closes at the touch of her friend's hand, at her gentle question. She can't quite say the words, so she only shakes her head instead, and lifts the hand holding her glass so she can wipe at her eyes once more with her wrist.

[marvel_npc]

"Kind of thought not. Hang on a second, okay?" she murmurs. Nat sets her glass down and gives Sharon's hand another quick squeeze before vanishing into the kitchen. The sound of water running in the sink echoes clearly, and then she's back, carrying a clean, dry dishtowel and one that's nice and warm due to having been wrung out under hot water.

She offers both as she sits back down beside her friend, and there's understanding in her glance.

[from_the_outside]

She accepts the towels with a wry half smile, then carefully dabs at her face with the damp, warm towel. It feels good against her sore eyes, her sore mouth. She lingers with it until it's cool in her hands, grateful for the chance to hide her face, even if only for a little while.

Once it's gone cold, she sets the damp towel aside and gently blots her face dry with the other. When she lifts her glance back up to Nat, her eyes are still sore and red, but her face is a little less flushed, and the streaks of her tears are gone.

[marvel_npc]

Nat smiles at her and takes the damp towel back to the kitchen. She comes back with two mugs of coffee, one light and sweet and one with milk only, and passes Sharon hers before she sits down again.

"So," she says, gently. "Want to talk about it?"

[from_the_outside]

Sharon sighs, long and sore. "I don't even know how to start talking about it, Nat."

She wraps her hands around the coffee mug, but doesn't lift it for a sip. "Most of it's classified to hell and back... or was," she realizes. "I guess at least some of it, at least, is out there now, along with everything else."

[marvel_npc]

Nat winces. "Should I apologize?"

[from_the_outside]

"Not even a little," Sharon tells her, firm. "You had to do it."

And Steve was right. SHIELD couldn't exist, any longer. Not after everything. So maybe it's a moot point.

She takes a deep breath and meets Nat's gaze. "I know you were working at the time. But did you know I was... gone... when everything happened in New York?"

[marvel_npc]

She frowns, cupping the mug absently between her two hands as she draws up one knee and turns to sit sideways on the couch, facing Sharon.

"I knew you were working with Selvik and the Pegasus team," she says. "I thought you were involved in the aftermath and cleanup out there."

[from_the_outside]

"No. I mean, I had been with Pegasus. But I wasn't there then." She leans to put down her coffee mug and gets up. "Hang on a second."

In her room, she carefully doesn't look at the ceramic lamp as she digs out her laptop. Carrying the computer back to the living room, she curls up once more on the end of the couch and flips open her screen, navigating with the ease of long practice through her firewalls and passcodes until she reaches her secured files, speaking as she works. "The damn cube lit up while I was standing next to it. It opened a portal and pulled me through."

For a moment, she stops, her eyes on the picture she'd pulled up. It's an effort to pull her glance away, but she manages it, even if she doesn't turn her laptop for Nat to see yet. "To France, 1944."

[marvel_npc]

She knows her expression goes blank when she's thinking this rapidly, trying to sort out her thoughts and reactions both, but to be fair it's not every day that you find out your friend has traveled in time.

"I really hate that cube," she murmurs, after a second, and makes herself take a swallow of coffee. "That must have been quite a surprise for everyone."