[AU] there's grief of Want and grief of Cold

[from_the_outside]

She sleeps later than she had the day before – a combination of not having to get up and go to the doctor and exhaustion – and when she comes downstairs, the house is quiet but coffee is already made. After making herself a cup, she pads barefoot to the door and steps out into the crisp mountain morning.

She's unsurprised to see that Bucky is up, and to find Steve's motorcycle gone from the driveway. "Steve head out already?"

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[marvel_npc]

She shakes her head, and her voice is rueful. "I left Sam holding the fort. If we're to have the slightest chance of keeping this secret for at least a day or two, I'm going to have to get back sooner rather than later. Besides--"

Her tone hardens.

"--I'll do better finding Karpov from my own system. And when I do, I will come back, and we'll plan next steps. I'm not letting the two of you go after him alone. You and Steve, I mean," she clarifies, with a nod to Sharon before she turns to James. "You can't, and I'm sure you've already figured that out. Haven't you?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know." It's very, very quiet, and filled with weary resignation. "The last thing anyone needs is for the Winter Soldier to fall back into Karpov's hands. I'd really rather not be trying to kill anyone else I care about, ever again."

[from_the_outside]

She shakes her head, just slightly – not at Bucky, at Nat. "I'm not going after Karpov," she says. "I'm going to have to leave that up to you and Steve – and Sam, maybe."

The glance she gives her friend adds don't ask questions. The last thing she wants is to explain getting benched for a few broken ribs.

[marvel_npc]

Nat gives her a sharp look, but heeds the silent request in Sharon's eyes and doesn't ask.

"I'll call when I know something."

She gets to her feet and glances at James.

[nerves_of_ice]

He stands as well.

"I'll walk you out."

[from_the_outside]

Everything in her wants to go and hug her friend, who is obviously having just as weird and complicated a day as Sharon is.

Well. Everything but the ribs that complain with every little movement. She settles for a nod and a faintly wry smile. "Thanks, Rome. I'll let you know if anything changes."

Like if Tony Stark shows up baying for blood. That kind of thing.

[marvel_npc]

Nat nods at her and heads for the front door. She waits on the front porch for James to catch up, then tips her head to the side, indicating the direction of the shuttle.

[nerves_of_ice]

Before he follows Natasha outside, Bucky looks at Sharon.

"I'll be right back," he promises, quietly.

[from_the_outside]

"No rush," she says, echoing Nat's earlier phrasing. She watches him head outside, and waits until the door closes before she leans on the kitchen island with a heavy sigh and scrubs both hands over her face.

Hell. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have just a little drink.

[marvel_npc]

He paces along beside her in a way that's familiar enough to tug at her heart.

"James." The sound of his name is soft and smoky and rich with complicated emotion. "I can't believe ... "

She shakes her head.

"After all this time."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know." The corner of his mouth quirks up. "You looked for me?"

[marvel_npc]

"Until I stopped. Until I made myself stop," she amends. "I had to. I thought I had to, so I could-- so I could leave my past behind. Become someone new."

She draws a breath that's only a little ragged. "I'm sorry, James."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Don't be. You did the right thing."

Steady and certain, without a hint of hesitation.

[marvel_npc]

She shakes her head and laughs, very softly.

"Figures you'd say that."

[nerves_of_ice]

He chuckles and continues to keep pace. For a little bit, they walk in silence.

"We've got a lot of catching up to do," he says, finally. "And it looks like we'll have the time to do it, once this is all settled."

[marvel_npc]

"Once it's settled," she agrees. "Until then, please try to stay out of trouble? Sharon's my friend. She doesn't need that kind of grief."

She turns to give him a fierce hug as they reach the shuttle, then climbs in as he steps back. She lifts off and points the vehicle back toward the compound.

There's a lot to do, and not much time to do it in.

[nerves_of_ice]

He watches until the shuttle disappears in the distance, then heads back to the house. Bucky jogs up the stairs and ducks inside, calling out as he does.

"Sharon?"

[from_the_outside]

Did some part of her think he wouldn't actually come back? Apparently so, because she's lightly surprised to hear him. "Over here."

She's washing up the coffee mugs and washing out the coffee maker; they'd pretty much killed the pot and she'd needed something to do with her hands. "Nat get off okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yeah," he confirms. "She brought a fast shuttle - she should be back at the compound shortly."

His tone shades to something wry and a little rueful as he adds, "I guess it's obvious that we knew each other before. I just ... didn't want to spill her secrets, if she hadn't already told you. Or Steve."

[from_the_outside]

She shakes her head and rinses out the last cup. "It's none of my business. I know everything I need to know."

Maybe everything she wants to know, if she's being honest. But between two spies and an ex-assassin... it's not like a lot of honesty was going around. "I should have figured she'd track Steve's phone. Classic Nat."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I should have too. I knew she'd react to Karpov's name - but there's no one better suited to find him." Dryly, he adds, "Guess I'm going to have to teach Steve how to cover his tracks."

He glances sideways at her as he reaches for a dishtowel and to take the cup from her.

"She said you were friends?"

[from_the_outside]

"We are."

It probably didn't look like it just then, but friendship can be just as complicated as any other kind of relationship. "You knew that."

Hell, it's half the reason he'd listened to her to begin with. But whatever knots she's trying to tie herself into really shouldn't be her priority, here. "How was it, seeing her?"

She glances sidelong at him. "You okay? It must have been a surprise."

[nerves_of_ice]

"No, I knew she 'meant something' to you," Bucky points out. "Something important, I figured, but I didn't know exactly what."

He finishes drying the mug and reaches for the next one.

"I'm okay. It's ... complicated, I guess, sure, but I'm okay."

[from_the_outside]

"Jesus, you're literal."

She hands over the carafe to the coffee maker and lets the water drain out of the sink, rinsing her hands before she finds a fresh towel to dry them. "Yes, we're friends."

She glances his way at that answer. "Okay." To push or not to push? He'd made it pretty clear earlier he didn't want to talk things over with her. And like she said, it's none of her business. "Good."

[nerves_of_ice]

He slants another look at her. "She saved my life too, you know," he tells her, as he finishes drying the third mug. "The circumstances were a little different, though. But still. It's not her fault she couldn't find me, after it all went wrong."