[oom] all those times we looked up at the sky

[from_the_outside]

Karli's on the move; she'll strike soon. Bucky and Sam have been in long, tense conversations with each other and with Torres, and she herself has been keeping an obsessive eye on the tracker blip that is Batroc.

It's a lot. The air in the apartment is tense. But she still has to laugh at the sight that greets her when she walks into the living room: Bucky crouched down, his phone out as he takes a photo of Alpine, who is lounging in lazy grandeur, soaking up a puddle of sunshine.

"That'll be a good one," she approves. "Baby, I've been wondering – what happened to your nice camera? You didn't leave it in Wakanda, did you?"

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"What can I say?"

She curls against him, letting him hold her as closely as he wants. "When I make up my mind, I make up my mind."

[nerves_of_ice]

He huffs a soft breath that might almost be a laugh.

"Pretty stubborn."

[from_the_outside]

"Only pretty stubborn?" she teases, hoping for a stronger laugh, a flicker of a smile.

"I must be losing my touch."

[nerves_of_ice]

One corner of his mouth quirks upward. "Maybe you're just out of practice."

[from_the_outside]

"Hmm." She slides closer, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Maybe."

Sharon kisses him again, slow and sweet and lingering, then once more. "I love you so much," she whispers. There had been so many years when she couldn't tell him so; she has so much lost time to make up. "When I saw you again, it felt like I was breathing for the first time in five and a half years."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I could have sworn I smelled your perfume in the Bronze Monkey," he tells her, running one hand slowly up and down her back. He kisses her again, and then again.

"I thought I was losing my mind. And then when I saw you...."

[from_the_outside]

"You did," she tells him, and kisses him back. She still wears it, still has a small bottle left, even now: honeysuckle and clover, sun-warmed grass.

"For a second I thought you'd seen me in the bar, before I slipped away."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Wait." He frowns a little, trying to remember. "That was you? The - your hood was up," he says. "The shadow that slipped away right before Zemo started his routine. That was you."

Bucky kisses her again, then again, and bites her lip for her the way she usually does, teasing her.

"Sneaky of you."

[from_the_outside]

"That was me."

She smiles at his teasing, then more ruefully at the memory. She'd been so furious, snapping and hurt and lashing out like a caged, feral animal. She'd put them through so much. "I couldn't have let you three see me then."

[nerves_of_ice]

“But then you watched over us,” he points out. “Our guardian angel.”

[from_the_outside]

"Well, I couldn't let you get murdered in Madripoor, either."

Zemo, maybe. Bucky would have been fine. But Sam? It was like throwing a steak to wild dogs.

[nerves_of_ice]

A small shudder runs through him, and he holds her a little closer against him. Sometimes he dreams of seeing the sniper’s shadow and not following, and never knowing, going back to a world without Sharon—

He lowers his face to her hair and breathes in her scent. “Thank you,” he whispers. “For helping, sure, but…for letting us know it was you.”

[from_the_outside]

He curls around her and holds her close, like she's a precious, fragile treasure, and she closes her eyes, just breathing. "I almost didn't."

It's a whisper of a confession. Her hands are gentle on him as she says it.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I suspected." His breath barely stirs her hair.

"But you did. And I'll be grateful for that for the rest of my life."

[from_the_outside]

"Me, too."

When it came down to it, she hadn't been able to stop herself. She'd told herself it would be a confrontation, that she'd be in control. That however angry she was with them, they needed her if they were going to make it out of Madripoor. "I told myself I was just going to get you all out and make a deal with Sam," she murmurs.

Thinking, as she had, that Bucky himself had left her behind. "I hated that you were there. Both of you. And you hadn't even come for me. But then when I saw you, and you saw me..."

She shivers and shakes her head. "I'm sorry."

[nerves_of_ice]

He kisses her hair, her forehead, her cheek.

"Baby, no," he assures her. "I'm sorry. Sorry I believed Fury. Sorry I didn't come for you years ago. Sorry I didn't-- I should have. I should have."

[from_the_outside]

"You didn't know."

The pain that had ripped at her then, when she finally believed that he really hadn't known, that Fury had lied, that he hadn't left her there knowing she was all alone, had been breathless and vicious.

She makes a soft sound as his lips touch her skin and runs her hand gently over his hair. "If you hadn't gotten snapped... or if I had..."

Sharon shakes her head. "Those five years changed me. I never could have believed you'd leave me there otherwise. I am sorry for that. For letting myself believe it. You never deserved that."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Neither did you." It's sure and certain and undeniable. Bucky looks up at her.

"You didn't, Sharon."

[from_the_outside]

She curves her hand at the side of his face and leans down to kiss him, softly, instead of answering.

"I love how easily you can say that," she murmurs. "I love that you believe it. Keep believing it for me, baby. Maybe I'll get there someday."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I will," he promises, tilting his head into her touch. "As long as you need. And then after. Because it's true."

[from_the_outside]

His certainty is a sweet balm, and she doesn't know if she deserves even that, but she wants it anyway. She wants it to be true, for him to be right, that she hadn't wholly lost herself in Madripoor the way she thought she had.

"You reminded me of myself," she murmurs. "You brought me back to me. You remind me every day. I'm so grateful for that, Bucky."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sharon Carter," he tells her. Bucky leans in to give her a kiss. "My angel."

[from_the_outside]

"Yours," she agrees, and kisses him again, slow and thorough. "As long as you'll have me."

And past that, probably. If the last six years hadn't changed how she felt, she thinks probably nothing can.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Forever, then," he confirms, kissing her back and lingering over the feel of her mouth, the weight of her body in his arms. "I'll keep you forever."

[from_the_outside]

She smiles, sweet and warm, and kisses him again. "Okay," she murmurs, as easily as if he'd given her an option for dinner. "Forever, then."

For a moment, it unfolds in her mind, everything they'd ever dreamed about, and more. A little place in Brooklyn. Waking up to him every morning. Maybe, one day, a golden-haired baby with his eyes and her nose.

Things she hasn't let herself think about, and still doesn't. They pass in a flash of warmth and leave her here, in his arms, in this moment alone.