[oom] let me lead you to the promised land

[from_the_outside]

 It is intensely weird to step back through the door into the bright Wakandan afternoon, but the denizens of the strange-as-hell Bar at the End of the Universe were right: no time has passed at all.

She wishes it had. This just makes it seem even more impossible, a dream she can't begin to explain.

Bucky's had coffee and she's had wine and both of them are full of Sunshine's cinnamon rolls, which is all good except for how her go-to busywork of making coffee to give herself a second to think is even more unnecessary than usual. She goes into the hut to grab the wool throws instead, taking them over to the shade tree as her mind whirls.

There's a lot to take in. And a lot to think about.

"So," she says, once she's sat down. She loops her arms around her knees and studies him. 

"That was interesting."

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

He sits down across from her, giving her plenty of room.

"It can be a little overwhelming," he agrees.

It's too early for him to draw any conclusions about what she really thinks of it, but given what he's figured out about Sharon and surprises, he's going to tread carefully.

[from_the_outside]

"A little," she agrees, dryly amused.

"But it was nice to meet some of your friends."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm glad." He says it very quietly.

Nice to have met some and assuming there are more that she hasn't met? Or some were nice but not others? He isn't entirely sure, he realizes, and decides not to ask.

"They liked you."

[from_the_outside]

She's not sure about that second part at all; they like Bucky, and she can be glad about that even if she's still figuring out how she feels about the rest.

"It was nice to see how happy they were that the procedure worked," she offers.

[nerves_of_ice]

"The ones I told about it, anyway." He winces a little at a sudden thought. "I'll have to leave a note for a couple of others if I don't run into them soon."

Bucky shakes his head. "But Sunny for sure I couldn't not tell. Because of the risk. I couldn't just vanish on her again."

[from_the_outside]

"Because she knew you before?"

Before here meaning... well, a lot.

[nerves_of_ice]

"In 1943," he confirms. "Before I fell."

The expression that passes over his features is fleeting and hard to interpret; sorrow, guilt, despair, understanding.

"She told me she'd lost a lot of people, but I was the only one who ever came back."

[from_the_outside]

"It meant a lot to her," she tells him, feeling a little more on solid ground.

This she knows. And she can imagine what it was like, seeing him back. And himself.

Sharon smiles a little. "I liked her. And I like how much she likes you."

[nerves_of_ice]

He smiles back. "She's really nice. And a hell of a baker."

[from_the_outside]

"That's for sure," Sharon says, groaning a laugh.

"I'm not going to need to eat for the rest of the day."

That's probably an exaggeration, but she was never going to pass up the chance to eat a cinnamon roll the size of her head.

[nerves_of_ice]

He looks visibly amused at that, and a little smug as well.

[from_the_outside]

She unfolds just enough to nudge him teasingly with a toe, smiling a little.

[nerves_of_ice]

He gives way as she pushes at him, then settles back more comfortably.

"So," he starts. "I figure you probably have questions."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon leans back against the shade tree and watches him from under slight-lowered lashes.

"Oh, a few," she says, amused. "But it's hard to know where to start."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Well, when you figure it out," Bucky drawls, "I'll answer them if I can."

[from_the_outside]

She eyes him.

"This might be easier if you weren't putting all the pressure on me," she tells him.

"You have this whole other life. Tell me a little more about it?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He looks visibly startled at that.

"It's not a whole other life. It's people I know at a bar. Okay, a really weird bar, but--"

[from_the_outside]

She looks a little frustrated, though it's not necessarily aimed at him.

"That," she says. "That right there. You see one thing and I'm seeing a different thing and I don't know how to ask you about it. I thought we were on the same page and it turns out you've got an entirely different book."

[nerves_of_ice]

Mild surprise turns into shock. In the instant before everything about him turns suddenly neutral, a flicker of wariness is clearly evident.

"What do you mean, you thought we were on the same page, and now we're... not?"

[from_the_outside]

"I mean..." She's doing this all wrong, but she's on the back foot and she doesn't know how to get off it. Which is the problem, maybe?

Sharon huffs out a breath, nudging her head a littler harder back into the tree, like the discomfort might help clear things up. "It took so long to get where we are, and now I feel like I'm playing catch-up all over again. And I don't like feeling like I don't know you as well as I thought I did."

[nerves_of_ice]

He's very, very still now, and quiet for some time, while his thoughts whirl uselessly in a messy cloud in his mind.

Finally: "I don't know what to say to that." His voice is low, and carefully steady.

"I haven't lied to you, Sharon. And you know more about me than almost anyone else."

[from_the_outside]

"I know you haven't."

She can be absolutely certain about that. He doesn't lie to her. Which doesn't necessarily mean he volunteers information.

Neither does she. She's as unused to and leery of offering unasked-for information as he is; it's part of who they are, the way they've been trained. But that's not what she meant and she has no idea how to say it in a way he might understand.

She's never had trouble talking to him before. It makes her feel even more out of sync, knots tying themselves in her stomach. "Anyway," she says, veering off.

"I liked it. I think," she amends, frowning a little. "It's hard to say. But it's definitely got a lot going for it."

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes his head and frowns at her.

"Wait. Go back."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon lets her hands go and shifts to sit cross-legged, leaning an elbow on one knee and putting her chin on her hand to look at him, rueful.

"I don't know how to say it any better," she tells him. "I'm all off balance."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Try," he tells her. "Please." He's still frowning a little, but in concentration more than anything else.

"I mean... we're still learning about each other, when you think about it. So I don't... is it because you knew so much about me before we even met?"