[AU] even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course

[from_the_outside]

As predicted, Steve was concerned when she told him Tony was working on something he refused to tell her about. It's not a conversation they could have while Ross was here, but as soon as she could let him know, she did.

Whatever it is, she doesn't want to worry Bucky about it until they have some idea of what Tony's up to. Even she doesn't think he'd be so stupid as to try to activate Bucky again, but it's Tony Stark. He's not exactly known for making good decisions.

That's why she and Steve had opted to go see him in person, and why Steve's knocking on Tony's door, trying not to look concerned. "It'll be okay," he tells Sharon while they wait. 

She's not so sure, but hoping so is better than the alternative.

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[nerves_of_ice]

There's not even the slightest instant of hesitation before he speaks. "Always. In everything."

[marvel_npc]

Steve smiles and reaches to tap his beer bottle against Bucky's knee. "Good. Whatever happens, pal, we'll see it through together."

On the couch, Sharon squeezes Bucky's hand and lifts her own to prop her elbow on the back of the couch and lean her head against her hand as she takes a long drink of her beer. "I still think Nat should be involved," she says.

"She's got some sway with Tony and – " she glances at Bucky "– familiarity with the Winter Soldier program. She could give us a heads-up if it looks like things are going south.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Wait." Bucky looks back and forth between them, visibly surprised. "Involved how?"

[from_the_outside]

"Oversight," Sharon says. "And she's the only one here besides you who knows anything about the program. Without giving him the program manual, she might be the only source of intel we've got."

[nerves_of_ice]

The struggle is printed on his face as he wrestles with what he’s hearing.

“She… what? Without doing what?”

[from_the_outside]

"Well, if you're this unhappy about it, we certainly can't give him the program manual," she points out, giving him a concerned look.

"And there's no question that he needs oversight. It can't be me, because – for lots of reasons. Nat's worked with him before, she knows what the warning signs are and how to manage him. And if he does need to know anything about the program, maybe she can give him just the pertinent parts."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky stares at her.

“That was an option?”

[from_the_outside]

"Not anymore, it isn't."

She shakes her head. "I thought it would be useful if he's going to crack the programming, but only if you gave the okay. I'm pretty damn sure you still would rather it not be anywhere near him, so it's a no go."

[nerves_of_ice]

He’s very still, absorbing this.

It’s ridiculous to be hurt, he tells himself. He’s on edge, defensive, he knows it. They’re trying to protect him. To help him. To keep him safe.

He just feels like it’s all already decided without him, and he knows that’s not fair.

“I need to talk to Natasha,” he says, finally.

[from_the_outside]

"Sure," Steve says, "of course. Whatever you need."

Sharon doesn't say anything at first, just watches him as Pepper's voice echoes in her head. It does feel like she's still getting everything wrong, but maybe she can still fix this one thing. "I'm sure she'll have a useful perspective," she says.

[nerves_of_ice]

He just nods. “It doesn’t have to be right now,” Bucky clarifies. “Later’s fine. I just… I should talk to her. Before either of you ask her about this.”

[from_the_outside]

"Of course," Steve says. "Whenever you like. Let me know when and I'll walk over with you, I want to check in with Sam, anyway."

Sharon nods agreement and gives them both a faintly wry smile before she takes another long swallow of her beer.

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods again and looks back and forth between them.

“Anything else happen in your visit with Tony that I need to know about?”

[from_the_outside]

Sharon shakes her head.

"That was as far as we got before Pepper showed up," she says, and Steve nods.

[nerves_of_ice]

“Okay.” He takes a swallow of his beer, finally remembering it.

“So, Pepper. What’s she like?”

[from_the_outside]

"She's great," Steve enthuses, and Sharon seriously considers flinging her beer bottle at his head. He catches her flat expression and subsides, though he can't totally suppress his natural optimism. He turns back to Bucky and smiles more strongly.

"She said she'd swing by later, she wants to meet you."

[nerves_of_ice]

“She does?” Bucky sounds as surprised as he feels. “Huh. Okay.”

His gaze shifts to Sharon, and he waits.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon's lips purse briefly, before she smiles, a little sardonically.

"She's very impressive," she says, diplomatic, and goes back to her beer as Steve nods, looking relieved.

"She is," he assures Bucky. "I don't know how she runs that company but she's done an incredible job."

[nerves_of_ice]

“I’m sure she’s better at it than he is,” he observes, dryly. His gaze is thoughtful as it rests on Sharon’s face.

[from_the_outside]

"You know, I never knew Tony when he ran Stark Industries," Steve muses. "He'd already turned it over to Pepper by the time we all joined up. But I'd bet anything you're right. She's fearless."

Sharon, drinking her beer and wishing it were something stronger, tries to think of some other conversational topic and can't come up with anything that wouldn't be as subtle as derailing a train. "Yes," she says, as neutrally as she can. "She seems extremely – "

The word on the tip of her tongue is competent, but that just makes her frown. "On top of things," she finishes, instead.

[nerves_of_ice]

“Uh-huh.” Bucky catches Steve’s eye and gives him the smallest shake of his head, warning him not to interrupt, before he looks back at Sharon.

“So what happened in that meeting?”

[from_the_outside]

"Oh, you know."

It's times like these she envies Natasha's ease at shifting conversations or simply withholding information without letting anything slip by. "Girl talk."

Or a dressing-down like she hasn't had in years. "She wanted to get caught up on everything happening here. I guess she's planning on sticking around for a little while."

That last is aimed at Steve, and he takes the bait like a champ. "Really?" he says. "That's great."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky sighs.

“Sharon.”

It’s all he says. It’s enough.

[from_the_outside]

"It doesn't matter."

In the context of everything they were just talking about, next to everything he's going through? She shakes her head, stubborn. "She doesn't like me, I don't like her: fine. I will deal with Pepper Potts however I have to."

"Why would she not like you? You've never even met before," Steve says, and she taps her finger impatiently on the bottle she does not fling at his head.

"Because I'm disruptive and incompetent and I've been giving Tony just a really hard time," she says, flat. "It doesn't matter. We have bigger things to worry about."

[nerves_of_ice]

“What?” His tone has changed. This time, it’s low and dangerous.

“She called you what?”