[AU] a piercing comfort it affords

[from_the_outside]

For such a busy morning, the afternoon and evening prove remarkably quiet. Sharon's tired to her core, but she finds it just as difficult to rest as Bucky does, when she tries to cajole him into a nap. He only shakes his head at her, acquiescing to rest on the couch without actually sleeping.

She doesn't ask why. She's listening for the sound of Iron Man's repulsers just like he is.

But nothing comes, even after she's called Ross to update him and learn that the JTTF translators and analysts had come to the same conclusion she and Bucky had: that Zemo planned to impersonate him and set a bomb to spark a manhunt for the Winter Soldier.

Ross sounds grim as he tells her they'll need to find some more permanent solution to the power outage problem, then hangs up after he's extracted a promise from her to check in as soon as she learns anything.

Dinner is a quiet affair. Jet lag has her by the throat, but she can't sleep until she hears back from Steve and knows for certain that Tony won't be crashing down on them again.

If he does, she needs to be ready.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

She shrugs, a little uncomfortable. "The trophies don't mean much," she tells him. "Sports. Some school things. Nothing real."

But she'd earned them and she'd been proud of them and she'd kept them all this time, and not just because her parents wanted her to. The garish gold paint on the plastic statuettes gleams just as brightly as it did back when she was a kid: field days, debate team, tennis, softball – she'd been good.

And competitive. No surprise there. "Sisters, right?"

The things she knows about his past come from Aunt Peggy's memories, typed files, and the same museum exhibit he's talking about. "Maybe they kept some of your things."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Right. And maybe they did," he agrees, leaving it at that. Bucky's studying her closely now, rather than the room, having picked up on that hint of discomfort.

"Real enough. Memories, accomplishments, that kind of thing - that's still something. Something good."

[from_the_outside]

She smiles a little and doesn't argue.

(So much of what's in here is utterly frivolous. The trophies. The keepsakes from her sorority days. The gown in the closet. It's an intensely strange feeling, when she pits it against a childhood growing up in the Great Depression.)

"I can just see you and Steve in a little studio apartment," she says, instead. "That must have been great."

[nerves_of_ice]

He chuckles. "It sure was. Although I probably drove him crazy sometimes." He hesitates, but only for a moment.

"We've been through a lot together. And apart, too, come to that, but ... " Bucky meets her eyes. "He's got a good life. I don't want to screw it up for him."

Forestalling one question before it can arise, he hastily adds, "I don't mean to run again. I promised, and I won't. But what Zemo tried to do - that's - I can't be the one who ruins it all for him. No matter what. I can't."

[from_the_outside]

"Hey."

She gets up and pads over to him on near-silent bare feet, reaching for his hands as she gets close. "You won't. We're not going to let anything like that happen."

Squeezing his fingers, she smiles up at him. "Besides, he's got you back now for the first time in decades. If you think he's not over the moon about that, think again. He's not thinking about anything getting ruined, Bucky. A hundred bucks says all he's thinking about is everything the two of you finally get to have again."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know he is. I just..." He trails off there, looking down at her face, at her hands holding his, at the gleam of his left hand against her skin.

"I can't help but worry about it sometimes, is all."

[from_the_outside]

She nods, laces her fingers through his – right hand and left, both. "I can get that," she tells him.

"I might not be able to understand everything about all this – about you and him – but I understand not wanting to hurt the people I care about most, even by accident. And you've got people again, Bucky. Me, and Steve, and Nat – hell, even Vision and Sam. You're not in this alone."

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods, then draws her hands upward to press a gentle kiss to each one before letting go.

"You need to get some rest."

[from_the_outside]

"I think I've hit my third or fourth wind," she tells him.

"If you're not tired yet, I don't mind staying up with you."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky just looks at her, and waits.

[from_the_outside]

"Seriously," she says, amused.

With the jet lag, it's got to be close to twenty four hours since she woke up, and she's rapidly reaching a point past tired and barreling towards vibrating with exhaustion, but she could do it.

Even without the super-soldier serum.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know. You mean it."

He shakes his head.

"Get ready for bed, Sharon. I'll do the same."

[from_the_outside]

"There you go."

She leans up to kiss him, softly, then pulls back and away to open her pack and take out her toothbrush and toothpaste, face wash and moisturizer before heading out into the hall, towards the bathroom.

[nerves_of_ice]

When she comes back, she'll find Bucky's clothes neatly folded and hanging over the back of the desk chair, his pack resting beside it, and the man himself turning down the bed with military precision, dressed in boxers and a white t-shirt.

[from_the_outside]

She sets her own pack and folded clothes on the desk itself; she's dressed in a white camisole and light pajama shorts, and she looks at him with a small, private smile.

"We're a long way from the inn at Polygyros, huh?"

It seems like a lifetime ago.

[nerves_of_ice]

"We sure are." He'd never imagined anything like this, and wouldn't have believed it possible.

Bucky finishes with the sheets and gently smooths the quilt over them before turning to face her. "I won't be long," he promises.

[from_the_outside]

"I'll be here."

She hits the room light and slips into the sheets once he's gone, clicking on a small lamp on the bedside table. It casts a small sphere of warm light, just enough so he'll be able to see easily and so she won't strain her eyes checking her phone.

[nerves_of_ice]

He grabs his pack and disappears down the hall. As promised, it doesn't take long before he returns, hair towel-dried and tousled.

Bucky dumps his pack back by the desk and takes the other side of the bed, lying down flat beside her.

[from_the_outside]

Once he's settled, she clicks off the light and puts her phone face-down on the table, then turns onto her side to look at him, sliding her hand and arm up under her pillow and waiting for her eyes to adjust in the dark.

"Comfortable?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Mm-hm. Are you?"

He figures it won't take long before exhaustion overcomes her. For that matter, he feels the weight in his own bones from insufficient sleep, not that he wants to admit it.

[from_the_outside]

"Yes. So – "

She slips her other hand out from under the sheets and reaches to lightly close his eyes.

"Go to sleep, baby," she murmurs. "I'll see you in the morning."

[nerves_of_ice]

He lets her, even as his lips quirk up in a faintly amused smile.

"Okay. Good night."

[from_the_outside]

"Good night."

She runs her fingers through his hair, then pulls her hand back and sighs as she lets her eyes close – finally, finally.

Sleep grabs her like a riptide; she's deeply under before another five minutes have passed.

[nerves_of_ice]

He waits until he's sure she's deeply asleep, based on the sound of her breathing and the way her body shifts as she relaxes, then opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling.

He needs to try to rest. He knows that. He's just reluctant to disturb Sharon with the inevitable nightmare.

Bucky spends several minutes trying to mentally prepare himself to wake in silence, no matter what, before he closes his eyes and lets himself fall into the darkness.



He's not sure which city this is. It looks a little like Berlin; a little like Washington, D.C.; a little like Moscow, and a little like New York. The Winter Soldier pauses at a corner, careful to stay out of the ebb and flow of people, and glances down the street as though merely checking the traffic.

It's harder and harder to remember the mission details, but some things never change. He just has to keep going, and it'll all come clear. He knows it will. It always does. There's no--

"Bucky?" There's absolute shock in the voice behind him. He doesn't turn, even as chaos erupts in his mind.

The voice in his head can't stop him. It can only watch. The Winter Soldier won't let it interfere, even as his body goes still and he readies himself. He knows his duty.

[from_the_outside]

On her side of the bed, Sharon is so deeply asleep she does not even shift when her dreams begin, aside from her eyes flitting back and forth behind her lids.

(The river – light – her dad telling her some story that fades without any needs to comprehension.

She doesn't wake.)