[ WWII AU ] a ghost story

[from_the_outside]

It's been almost two years since she's been home, and little by little, the grief has gotten easier to live with.

It hasn't gone away. But she's able to focus on her job, watch movies, chat with friends, sleep most nights. She still dreams about him, but the dreams are tinged with wistful longing and only sometimes does she wake up with tears on her cheeks. She can't have his picture out in this apartment, Kate's apartment, but it's safe in the mountain house, along with his last letter to her, and she has a scan on her phone to look at when the long day is over and she's in bed, the stars from the lamp he'd given her filling her dark room.

Steve has helped, more than she could ever explain, and she hopes she's helped him in return. Aside from a few deeply classified missions here and there, they haven't worked together all that much, but she still sees him almost every day. In the halls, she's undercover as his mild-mannered neighbor, Kate, but in her secure apartment they can talk over anything, everything.

And it works. Every day is a little easier. They lean on each other when they need to, and they spend hours remembering and reminiscing about Bucky, talking shop, chatting about how Steve's fitting into the future. It's nice. She still misses Bucky, an ache that never really goes away, but they can both breathe through it, work through it, live through it.

She's on her way up from the basement laundry machines when she hears a familiar step in the hall, and has to smile to herself – first her own, then Kate's sweeter, more open one. "Hey, neighbor."

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"Probably," she teases, but lightly. After all this time together, they move around her kitchen with the ease of long practice: she goes around him to the fridge to get milk; he fills the mugs and hands her the shaker of cinnamon sugar she likes to use.

She's not sure at what point Steve started feeling like family, but she's grateful as hell for it. "Do you know what the intel was for? Or what it was?"

[marvel_npc]

“I’m not sure. SHIELD intel, I know that much.”

Steve lifts his mug for a sip and frown down into it. “Fury said he was worried I wouldn’t be comfortable.”

[from_the_outside]

Sharon sets the milk back in the fridge, considering that. "Fury's not famous for caring about people's feelings," she observes, "except for how he can use them to get what he wants. Sounds to me like he thought you might dig in your heels."

[marvel_npc]

“That doesn’t make me feel good about it,” Steve points out. “Because if he’s right about that, then that means that maybe there’s something I should be uncomfortable with.”

The image of the three helicarriers floats across his mind again. How could Fury think something like that was a good idea? Is it, and Steve’s just too out of touch to realize? Has the world changed that much?

[from_the_outside]

She comes to wrap her hand warmly at his elbow, coaxing. "C'mon."

Steve's never quite been sure about Fury, or SHIELD, she knows. She's grateful he's stuck with it this long, even though she knows at least part of it is because he's not sure what else to do with himself. "If we're going to talk about dealing with Fury, we may as well sit down and get comfortable."

[marvel_npc]

He makes a face at her for her choice of words, but leans a little into her shoulder anyway as she takes his arm. He’s grateful nearly every day that she’s a part of his new life, a friend and someone he can count on.

“Okay. Sharon?” he adds. “Thanks.”

[from_the_outside]

She winks over at him and nudges his shoulder with her own, affectionate. "It's cool," she tells him, teasing. "I'd want to come talk to me about it, too."

[marvel_npc]

"Well, you're pretty smart," he teases back, as he ambles into the living room with her. "And it's nice spending time with you. You know, we haven't done takeout in a while. Want me to pick up something tomorrow?"

[from_the_outside]

"That sounds great."

She wrinkles her nose at him as she lets go of his elbow and curls into her usual seat on the couch. "Ready to finally try Thai food?"

[marvel_npc]

"If you want," he says. "I'm still not sure about this whole coconut milk in pasta thing - sort of pasta, anyway - but okay, I'll give it a try."

He settles on the other side of the couch, coffee cradled loosely between his hands, and looks over at her.

"So."

[from_the_outside]

"So."

She sips at her own coffee, then lowers it so she can study him. "How worried are you? Really?"

[marvel_npc]

"Pretty worried," he admits. "It's not just the mission. There's some other stuff, classified stuff, that I just learned about, too. I don't like it, Sharon. I don't like it at all."

[from_the_outside]

She frowns at classified. Her security clearance is pretty high, but if it's not high enough for this...

And she's learned to trust Steve's gut on matters of morality. They've had more than one debate on the role of SHIELD in the world, but she always comes out of those conversations with a renewed sense that SHIELD can only be better if he's there, questioning things, making them question themselves. "I don't like that Fury's keeping you in the dark," she tells him. "It smacks of not wanting to deal with pushback."

But she's not exactly in Nick's inner circle, these days. What are you up to, Fury?

[marvel_npc]

He sighs, long and slow. “To be fair,” he admits, scrupulously, “he was the one who told me about it. Earlier. When I showed up to confront him over the mission stuff.”

Steve meets her eyes. “I gave him my honest opinion. I don’t think he liked hearing it, but I’m not going to lie to save his feelings. Not about something as important as this.”

[from_the_outside]

If he could tell her, he would. But she has enough now to try and force an answer out of Nick the next time she sees him. "You shouldn't," she confirms. "I know you didn't join up to act as Nick Fury's conscience, but it's good for him to have you push him on the calls he makes."

[marvel_npc]

“Someone needs to,” he agrees. “But if he doesn’t listen… I don’t know. I can’t stand by and pretend I’m okay with things, if they’re wrong.”

His expression is truly rueful as he glances at her. “I’ve never been good at that, not really.”

[from_the_outside]

"I know, Steve."

He's a good man. The best man she knows. And as much as she loves SHIELD, she knows he sees some things more clearly than SHIELD ever can. "What can I do to help? Want me to talk to Nat, get the scoop?"

[marvel_npc]

“I don’t know if she even knows it.” He takes a swallow of his coffee.

“I should probably talk to her again myself, now that I’ve cooled off a little. I was pretty mad at her, but she was just following Fury’s orders.” Steve looks up at her. “If you do talk to her before I do, maybe you could let her know I know that.”

[from_the_outside]

"I will," she promises. "And I bet she knows already."

Sharon smiles over at him. "She likes working with you, you know. Even though you're so different from each other."

[marvel_npc]

“I like working with her too. Most of the time.” Steve scowls, but there’s no heat in it. “Even if she keeps trying to set me up on dates.”

[from_the_outside]

That makes her laugh. "She's a busybody," Sharon points out, amused. "It's a good quality in a spy."

Her grin toys across her lips. "Hasn't sold you on anyone yet, huh?"

[marvel_npc]

“Not yet, no. But she’s determined.”

She’s also suggested more than once that he ask Sharon out, and hadn’t seemed convinced by his denial, which isn’t helped by the fact that he can’t really explain to her why.

“I think she’s taking it as a personal challenge.”

[from_the_outside]

"Oh, you're in for it now," Sharon tells him, laughing. "She's like a dog with a bone. But she just wants you to be happy."

She reaches to pat his knee. "So do I."

And so would Aunt Peggy. She doesn't quite think her aunt is the reason why Steve has resisted getting back into dating – although she's certainly part of it – but it's not like she, herself, hasn't spent the last two years focusing on, well... other things.

So she gets it.

[marvel_npc]

He catches her hand and squeezes, careful as always to keep his grip gentle. She does, he knows, just like he wants her to be happy, but it’s complicated for them both in so many ways.

“Yeah, well, there’s no rush,” is all he says.

[from_the_outside]

Her smile gentles at that and turns a little crooked as she squeezes his hand back. She could ask Nat to lay off him, she supposes... but her friend might get the wrong idea if she tried. "No rush," she agrees.

"It's not like you aren't plenty busy already."